The Keys to Happiness

[MacGuffin]

This is something I wrote in my journal a couple of weeks ago, and I wanted to share it with everyone here. I have no idea if this is the right forum or not, so please feel free to move it, but I do hope you enjoy it. -J


The Keys to Happiness

Written by Jordan

When I was a little girl, I thought the world to be a safe and wonderful place. I imagine most of us do at that age, really. Things were so bright; they were filled with a dazzling spectrum of colors, twisting and twirling in my mind, creating infinite possibilities before me, if I could just manage to follow the yellow brick road before my feet. I did not know where it would lead, for the full concept of the future is not grasped in childhood. However, I was sure it would lead somewhere wonderful. I was sure I would go on being a happy, carefree soul for the rest of my life, because frankly, I had no worries or fears. The monsters had not yet come out from under the bed to snatch me away into their dark, enigmatic realm. And I, in all my innocence, had no idea that they were lurking, waiting for me in the shadows. Waiting to pounce when it was least expected.

And pounce they did. For though children must grow into adolescents who must grow into adults, and so lose their innocence, some lose it much more suddenly, and they are the ones that fall hardest. I was one of those people. I do not resent it. I do not brood over it. It is what it is, after all. But for a long time I didn't take that opinion on things. I remained quite stuck under the bed, and I didn't know how to get out. And it was terrifying, especially because I often felt I had no one who understood, not even my parents. The world went from being safe and warm to being a cold, dark wasteland, a wasteland in which I could no longer see myself finding happiness. And, resigned, I accepted this fact. I accepted that my life was going to be one of hopelessness, sorrow, bitterness, rage and powerlessness. And so I began to walk down a path that reflected as much.

There came a point, though, when it was no longer possible to conceal the troubles I was having. To put it simply, they had pretty much destroyed my dreams, my relationships, and my sense of self; they had robbed me of almost everything. And though I was cognizant of this on a distant level, and wanted to change it, something in me kept shirking at the first sign of hope and encouragement, whether it be from myself or others. And so I remained stuck, in my own little hell, because I refused to see the light, even though my dear ones were practically throwing it in my face. The life of a blind woman is a dangerous one, and if she is not careful she may just slip away for all time. By the time she realizes her mistake, though, it is too late to turn back. And she becomes bitter and cynical, and rages against life and everything in it, until the day she finally dies.

It appeared that that was where I was headed, and my footing in reality was slipping at an alarming rate, until I realized something. I looked around at the people beside me, the people I claimed to "love." I looked at my destroyed dreams that I kept smashing over and over again so willfully. And I saw a wake of devastation that could span the Pacific. It was long and black and tasted of bile, caustic and biting and overwhelming in its potency. And I could stand it no more.

I have met many adults older than myself who, when they find out what it is I actually feel about the world, tell me I am so lucky to be aware of these things now. "You're lucky you are so young," they tell me. "Figure things out while you are young, so you do not waste half your life." To some degree I resented them telling me this. I didn't like to be thought of as "young." But upon reflection I realized that they had a point. And I realized I didn't want to have the same sad, broken look on my face that they did, their eyes wide and drooping, the skin melting off their gaunt faces. I resolved to do something different.

So I decided to find the key to my own happiness. I couldn't return to the way I felt when I was a child, for the world had left its mark upon me in more ways than one. But I could salvage something, some grain of truth and wisdom from the dirt and grime. And with luck, and care, that grain would grow into a beautiful pearl that I could treasure for all my life.
It was not easy to climb out of that dark and treacherous hole, and I slipped a few times. I still do, as I am not all the way out of the hole yet. But despite any setbacks, I keep plugging away, because I believe in myself and in the future.

This is what I discovered in my search:


• The best thing you can ever do for yourself is to love yourself as you are, openly and completely. It's very difficult to understand a pure and honest love if you cannot first mirror it in yourself; you will constantly question the motives and professions of others, because you won’t believe you deserve them. But the truth is, you do. However, it isn't enough to just know that. You have to FEEL it for it to make any difference. And in the end, it will make all the difference. Because once you love yourself, it shines like a glow from within, and it attracts even more people because they want to be around it, like a beacon. And you will have more love to share, and more love to receive because of it. It all starts from within.

• Never doubt the importance of self-compassion. It is easy to forget you are human and will make mistakes, especially if you keep trying to expect yourself not to. When you inevitably do make mistakes, it destroys you from the inside out, because you can’t forgive yourself. You can never surmount the challenges that face you if you are constantly berating yourself for the things you say, do, and believe. It makes living in your own skin a hostile environment. And even worse, it induces further self hate, until you are almost blinded by it. So it helps to learn that to forgive yourself when you have messed up is one of the best tools you can apply towards loving yourself.

* You can't believe the tapes in your head (negative thought patterns, especially those concerning how you feel about yourself), but it helps to understand that there is a purpose to them. The negative thoughts you have are not just there to cause you misery. They are there for a reason. And surprisingly, that reason is often to keep you safe from failure, or to keep you from repeating mistakes. It's not a very effective way of doing so, but it's how many people’s brains work. It only becomes a problem when you start internalizing the thoughts, really. So once you understand that, and once you understand part of you is not trying to destroy yourself, it's just trying to help you because it is scared, too, you can much more easily make peace with it.

• When you find yourself engaging in negative thought patterns, change it. Realize, “I do not let my thoughts rule me; I rule my thoughts.” And you can control them, and decide to believe differently, if you want. All you have to do is take on that power.

• Take joy in every day things, no matter how little they might be. A pretty flower by the side of the road, coffee and a cigarette, the feeling of triumph after a long work out, the softness of a blanket. It sounds corny, but there is truth to it. If you can find something to feel joy about, it makes it harder for you to claim that there is nothing good in the world.

• Build mastery every day. Do something that helps you feel accomplished. It can be making a phone call, or getting to an appointment, or managing your bank account, or doing laundry or writing a report for work or school. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it leaves you feeling adequate and capable.

• Find the people that love you for you, and stick by them. It is not worth your time to engage with people who won't understand, support, or respect you. If you think you can honestly honor it, make a commitment that you will not waste the precious days and weeks and years you have left on this earth to appease people who only eat away at your soul. Instead, seek the support of true friends and companions and form your own little families with them.

• Find what inspires you to thrive. What makes you burn inside with joy to be alive? How do you want to influence the lives of others? If you could do anything, what would you want to do? Develop goals and dreams and ambitions, and hold them in your heart. Not just that, but go after them. Run. Run for them, and don't look back, because it is in doing what you love that you can find a true sense of vitality.

• Find your passion(s) and develop it/them. Is it painting? Writing? Dancing? Photography? Music? Whatever it is, find it, and take it to heart; carry it close. Passion will leave the fire burning inside alive, and it will only fan the flames to make them brighter and more beautiful as time goes on.

• Whatever your gift is, give it to others. Share what you know, and share your happiness. Because you can make the world a better place by touching one person at a time. You may or may not be in the history books when you die, but you can die knowing you did something magnificent in this world: that you started a chain of love and hope and joy.

• Never let anyone take your passion, your power, your love, or your joy away, and don't let yourself compromise for the sake of pleasing another. Without the stuff that makes you you, you will be only a shadow of your true self. And for most, that is very unfulfilling way to live life.

• Believe that each day is a new day, with a new slate and a new promise. No matter what happens today, tomorrow can be different. You cannot always control what happens to you, but you CAN control how you respond to it. Likewise, “with every passing minute comes the chance to turn it all around.” (Vanilla Sky, 2001) Don't let that chance pass you by if it comes along, for you are the writer of your own story.

• Suffering does not take away from who you are, and it does not mean your life has to crumble before you. You can rise above it, and glean something important from the experience. You can always carry on, no matter what happens.

And last of all,

• Remember to believe in the positive qualities you possess. Own the fact that you are smart, beautiful, funny, witty, cleaver, original, creative, and the like. Constantly hold on to that, and constantly seek out new qualities to hold and treasure. When you know what makes you so special, you can carry that like a candle, and it can be a flame to you in the darkest of times.

I wrote this speaking about myself, but I have a feeling others have had similar life experiences. I am hoping that somehow my personal keys for happiness will resonate in the hearts of others and that maybe, just maybe, I can touch someone in a positive way through this writing.
Thank you for reading, and I wish you the best.

© 2011

[Neon]

It's much too early for me to type, but that made me go from smiling, to crying quite a few times. You're an amazing writer.

The response I've always given to many of those 'love yourself and you will have the world' statements has always been, it's easier said than done. Sometimes I think it's bullshit. Sometimes it's all I focus on. It feels strange knowing that you hold so much power mentally into how you feel about yourself, but don't know how to use it. I guess I've always struggled with figuring that out.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that meant something to me. Thank you.

[Iris. ♥]

Wow. Those were some incredible, deep thoughts. I wanted to cry through various parts of it, as I saw myself in so many parts of it. When you described the woman who becomes bitter and cynical until the day that she dies, I saw the path that my life was heading. Your personal keys to happiness resonated within me. Each one brought something or someone to my mind and inspired me not to take that for granted anymore! This truly touched my heart and moved my spirit. If you don't mind, I would like to save this to my computer, to read when I'm feeling down. I will not publish it, and if I choose to share any piece of it with someone, I will give credit where credit is due. Please let me know if this is okay with you. I will not save it until I have your approval.

Thank you so much for posting this. Take care.

[Bubbles37]

Wow, this is beautiful. Thanks so much

[BECCALICIOUS!]

I'm close to speechless. Not only was this all great advice, but it was FANTASTICALLY written as well. Oh, wow.