long recovery story (may trigger a bit)

[whitestringbracelet]

Hey everybody,
I was just in the self harm section, and it made me so sad to see all of you on this website who are still struggling with self harming, whether or not you want to stop or are trying to stop. So I decided to share my story, which is something I've been wanting to do for a while now, but finally feel recovered enough to put it in this forum.

I started to cut about a year ago. At first, it was terrifying. Then it got addictive. I told a few of my friends, and a teacher... but I told them that I had stopped, and they believed me. I continued to cut without their knowing.
I did stop for about two months last spring, but got back into it over the summer and early on in the school year. By the beginning of the year I was really, really depressed. I cried every night and every day, thought about suicide, and could never be happy or motivated enough to go out with friends or even do school work. I spent a lot of time in my room, listening to sad music, and writing about how badly I wanted to cut.

Then last fall I sought help. I told my mother I had been cutting, and she set me up with a therapist. That helped in the beginning, but after a while I began to lie to the therapist, tell her I felt better, when really I felt horrible inside. (I don't know why I was lying--I didn't like therapy, and sort of wanted to get out of it. So I tried to convince them I was better when I knew that I wasn't.)

I stopped cutting for another few months but on New Years Eve, I cut really badly. My arm still bares the scars from that night and the few nights before when I cut. On New Years, I cut my wrist. When my mom got home from a party, I called her into my room and told her everything.

I got started to antidepressants that January. They've helped me TREMENDOUSLY and it's been over 4 months since the last time I cut. I'm SO proud of myself and I want to tell everyone out there that it is possible to get better. And that possibility opens up SO MUCH if you have help. Recovery is a long process. And you need support throughout it.

Thanks for listening, everyone!!
Love always,
Calla

[moyshi239]

Hey Calla,
First off, thank you for sharing your story, i'm sure you'll give people alot to think about when they read this, and hopefully it will inspire someone to make the decision to get the help they need.

Second, i'm glad you're finally at a spot in your life where you feel you can write a recovery thread. I'm sure the road to recovery has not been easy,but you're doing it. You should be very proud of yourself for being able to reach out and tell the truth to the people around you. It takes alot of courage and strength to do that. Keep it up, and take care. :]

[Magical Forest.]

Thanks for telling us your story, it's always great to hear how people feel much better and are doing things about it.

Not self harming for such a long time is a great achievement, well done you! I hope that you can continue to show that strength and make it to 5 months!
x