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Recovery Stories Recovery can be a long and difficult path, and we may forget to rejoice in our accomplishments. Share your recovery stories here, from self harm, to drug, or alcohol addictions, and anything else you are proud of.

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Fading Light. Offline
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A bad day. - August 6th 2018, 11:57 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Bear with me, I promise this is in the right place.

On Saturday morning I woke up feeling awful. I'd had the most vivid, viscerally upsetting dream about my mother, and I was crying before I even got out of bed. I was debating calling in sick to work because I physically couldn't stop crying and I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle my shift.

Then something kind of kicked in, and my first thought was "How do I get through this?" And my immediate response was to start thinking of what self-care I'd need, calculating how gentle I'd have to be with myself, figuring out how to stabilise enough to be functional. I made a playlist to cheer me up, I set up some nice things to come home to, I vented in a safe way, and I managed to calm myself down enough to start getting ready for work.

It wasn't until several minutes later that I realised it hadn't even occurred to me to hurt myself. A few years ago my first thought would have been self-harm, the only way I knew to cope with any sudden overwhelming emotion. But that wasn't my first thought now. It wasn't even an option. It was just an idle afterthought, a moment of "huh, I could have thought about hurting myself" that I dismissed without too much trouble.

Somewhere along the way my default has changed from self-harm to self-care, and - dare I say it - I'm actually kind of proud of myself for getting this far. It hasn't been easy, in fact a lot of the time it's been really hard, but moments like this remind me that I am making progress. I feel like I'm on the right path, finally. Just thought I'd share this small victory with you all.


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Re: A bad day. - August 6th 2018, 03:25 PM

This is so lovely and you should be proud of yourself. That's such an amazing change, and I'm really grateful that you shared this with us. Well done on staying strong <3


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: A bad day. - August 6th 2018, 05:15 PM

That is amazing Charlie. I am so proud of you.


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Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
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Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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Re: A bad day. - August 6th 2018, 06:49 PM

I definitely think you have a lot to be proud of, and I’m proud of you too! While things definitely have been hard, you have been making steps in the right direction. You’ve got this!


Let it come and let it be...

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Re: A bad day. - August 7th 2018, 12:21 PM

Aww, well done Charlie! It's lovely to hear how self-care, not self-harm, was your automatic thought and it shows how far you have come since then. Proud of you


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