Triggering: Mental Health - My Story

[i_am_me_again]

My Mental Health Took Me Around The Country.

I’ve always had problems from the age of 6 – That’s when I first saw my psychiatrist. I’ve been on medication since the age of 14.

At 17 the real problems started. I began to get very depressed & I started to self harm using scissors. One night, I decided I’d had enough, I took an overdose. I didn’t want to die; I just wanted the pain to stop. After I’d swallowed the tablets I went straight to my mum who took me to Hospital. I was discharged a few hours later.

Unfortunately my pyschiatrist heard the news and she decided I needed to go to a psychiatric hospital. An Adolescent Unit in London. I stayed there for 5 weeks before they decided nothing was wrong and discharged me. After my discharge I became very self conscience and very depressed. I started to cut myself with razor blades. In a macabre way the physical pain of cutting myself made me feel better, much like a dieter eating that forbidden bar of chocolate. You love it whilst you’re doing it, but afterwards the feelings of disgust and guilt for what you had done made you feel 10 times worse than before. Eventually 5 months later, I decided enough was enough. I tried to hang myself. It didn’t quite work out how I wanted so once again an emergency meeting was held between my parents, the doctors and my social worker.

My medication was changed straight away. Then the doctors admitted me to a psychiatric hospital in Hertfordshire .It was an open ward and I wasn’t on a section. I became very violent & I tried to abscond almost everyday. I used anything to self harm. My behaviour was so bad I was getting injected with tranquillisers daily.

One day I escaped & took another overdose. It was then that they sectioned me. Just after my 18th birthday I was put on one to one observation & a week later, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder & because I was aggressive the doctors moved me to a Low secure Female ward in London. I was there for 4 weeks. Then I moved back to Hertfordshire. 3 days after moving back, I was moved again, to a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit. In Hertfordshire.

Once Again there was no change in my behaviour. For 6 months I was showing aggressive behaviour. The Police were called to see me. My Diagnoses of BPD meant that I wasn’t suitable for the unit in Hertfordshire, so they shipped me off to Leeds. A low secure Female Unit which specialises in Personality Disorders. Once again there was no change, I was being injected nearly everyday, once I was so bad I had 6 injections in the space of 3 hours, but that still didn’t stop my aggressive behaviour.

When Leeds felt they couldn’t help me, I was moved to Bradford. I was only on one medication because the doctors at Bradford said nothing was wrong with me. After 4 weeks in Bradford I was moved to Brighton. A medium secure Female unit. I was put on a cocktail of meds. Anti-psychotics, anti depressants, mood stabilisers, benzodiapines. You name it, I was on it. Even then my violent tendencies and aggressive nature were apparent. So much so that again the Police were called to see me and I was arrested and had to go to court. My solicitor said that the worst they could do would put in a psychiatric hospital under a section 37/41 (Home Office Section) but I was already in a psychiatric hospital under a Section 3! My solicitor finally convinced the police that I was not well enough to attend court and I was cautioned instead.

After a few months in Brighton, the doctors finally diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenia with a Borderline Personality. They put me on Clozaril & before you can say ‘woop de doo’ I was on my way to recovery. My violence has become less & after 1 and a half years in Brighton. I was moved back to where I started the, PICU in Hertfordshire.

I was here for 4 weeks then they moved me next door to the low secured rehab ward and & now I have been discharged for over a year. I am on medication whilst typing this:-
Clozaril
Abilify
Depokate
Prozac

From being an aggressive young lady, I have learnt there’s more to life than violence.
Even though I think about being violent and self harming every day, I’m able to control it, unlike when I was first put into hospital.

I’ve spent my 18th, 19th, 20th and 21st Birthdays in hospitals all around the country, but I’m glad because I know I’ll spend my 22nd in my own home.

Since my 21st Birthday, I have spent 10 days in an another open ward, in St. Albans. And since then I have spent another 10 days in the same ward.

My whole aim, is to get through a year without hospitalization. I know I can do it if I put my mind to it.

[losing touch.]

Hey Jamie, you should be really proud of everything you've come through. it's great to see that you're doing well now and are out of hospital. it's been a long journey for you but you're coming out the other side now :] thanks for sharing your story hun, you're an example to others going through what you've been through.

[i_am_me_again]

Thank you Elle Im glad someone appreciates my story.

[noise94]

Yo, Jaymi.

Just wanted to let you know that I read it all. You are so very strong. [:

Thanks for sharing your story. =]

[SilentConfessions]

Hey Jaymi,
You should be really proud of what you have achieved after all that you have been through. Its great that you are determined on staying well, thats the right thing to do.
I'm sure your story will inspire others like you, it will show them that no matter how bad things may get there is always hope for things to eventually get better.
Thank you for sharing your story.

[i_am_me_again]

Thanks everyone for reading

[savealife723]

you should be really proud of yourself.
this is incredible.

[*Jen*]

Thanks for sharing your story Jaymi You are so strong to have come this far. You have been through so much but now you have come out the other side an even stronger person. You are such an inspiration!