Finally making it good.

[eaty]

Truthfully, i never thought i would be able to post this thread. But i am able to, and that makes me smile. It is a bit of a story.

Two and a half years ago, i was having some problems with my best friend. And ended up coming here because of it. A few months later, i found out the truth about her and decided that i need to not be friends with her. She had been lying to a friend, and it made me wonder, did she actually tell the truth when she told me that we were close, did she tell the truth any of the time i was with her. So i stopped talking to her, and she never tried to contact me. During that time, i completely fell apart, It was like i lost a part of me, we were that close. And i started harming myself by cutting, and also started to think of suicide. I knew what i was doing was wrong, but i couldn't bring myself to stop. I would try to stop, but something would always really upset me and i would go back to it, even little things that upset me. And it was like that for a while.

One day, i was working at a pancake breakfast and she was there. And i completely ignored her. I didn't want to deal with her, i didn't even want to see her. That afternoon when i got home i saw that she sent me an email, that was pretty much asking what happened between us, that was the last time she tried to talk to me at all. I couldn't answer it, i couldn't find the words to explain it, and truth is probably even if i sent her an email back it wouldn't change anything. I remember i ended up cutting that day because i was so upset, later that night i realized i was hurting my other friends who were trying to support me. And i decided that night i wanted to stop.

That night was the last time i cut myself, and today January 27th marks 2 years since i last cut. Last year around this time i got my first TWLOHA shirt. Last year on this day, was a hard day for me. Because one of my cats died and we found her, she was my favorite cat. And i miss her a lot.

Even though i stopped cutting, i was still very suicidal and it got really bad at times. Last year i came the closest i ever was to attempting to kill myself, i can't forget that night no matter how hard i try. It was bad that night. And it reminded me, that i was a mess and i needed to get better.

That was almost a year ago, since then. I have been doing a lot better, i still get bad spots when i get really down and suicidal again. But not as much as i used to, it used to be every night for weeks. Now it just depends on how things are going for me.

This last year i have really turned my life around, i started recovering. The program that i always helped with started to hire me and i worked with them all summer, and still i do stuff with them. In May i became Staff on here, which i really love doing. Last August i finally started to follow my dream of what i want to do, which is to become a Firefighter, i joined a department. And now, i am finishing up my first really basic class which i am really loving.

And today, the thing keeping me going for the future. I signed up for next Firefighting class, which i am truthfully not sure if i can do. But i'm gonna try, i won't know if i can do it till i try. So i am gonna do it, and i am excited.

The last few years have been really hard on me, and now the future is looking bright and i can see myself hanging in here and going forward doing the things i love.

I love my life, and truth is. I don't regret my past, i don't wish i could change it. If i did change it, i wouldn't be here today like i am. I wouldn't be me.

I am finally recovering enough to enjoy life.

[CompassionateSoul]

This is fantastic, Sarah, you should be proud of yourself for realising things weren't right and changing all of it, by yourself. That's a huge step to take with only the support of friends and family, I hope it inspires others who read this.
Thinking back to when I first spoke to you, and what you've posted here, I can see a big difference. Your mindset has changed, and it's great that you're tackling the firefighting courses head-on, despite not being completely confident about it, it shows you're ready to grab life by the horns. Which you should do, by all means, there's nothing to stop you if it's something you want to do!

I wish you the best of luck with your firefighting and all the best for the future.
Take care of yourself, Sarah.