Finally Understanding Happiness

[Hopeful(?)]

I don't use this website much, but for some reason, I decided to check the forums and look around for a bit. I came across the "Recovery" section and it reminded me of all of my issues, and how I'm finally getting over them and for the first time in 18 years, I'm feeling happy.

I had no friends when I was growing up. I was quiet, shy, and overweight.

In 7th grade, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression. The social anxiety made me scared of people, and the generalized anxiety made me scared of everything else. I was scared all the time, about almost anything. And that lead to my depression. I started self-harming, but I'd never cut because I didn't want people to know. So instead, I'd beat myself and strangle myself because they left no marks (or went away in a couple of days).

I was bulimic for three years. At first, the bulimia started because of how much I hated myself. I was alone and people made fun of me because of my weight, including my brother. But I always thought, in the back of my mind, that I could stop whenever I wanted. And it was true, I stopped for a bit. But I started up again and then it became a full blown addiction. I remember the first time I realized it became an addiction was, after binging and purging, I broke down in front of the toilet and cried.

I've attempted suicide twice. The first time was freshmen year in high school, when I tried to slit my throat with a pair of scissors. The second time was when I was a junior, and I tried taking sleeping pills.

But now I'm about to be a freshmen in college. I'm getting better. I still struggle with my anxiety, depression, and bulimia, but it's nothing I can't handle. I push myself to do the things that cause my anxiety, I am happy so much more often than sad (I'm very rarely depressed now), and I haven't binged or purged in months. I've gotten my weight under control (the bulimia, as it so often does, made me gain a lot of weight) and I have friends now.

So basically... I made it. It's been six years of hell. But I'm alive.

And dammit..

I'm happy.

[Celestial.]

I'm really happy for you. It sounds like it's been a rough ride, but you're doing better, and that's great. Good luck with everything in the future.

[A Lady]

Your story has moved me almost to tear. I am so proud of you, you've been through so much and you have the strength to keep fighting everyday. I look up to you, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.

[*Jen*]

Wow you are such an inspiration! You seriously have come such a long way and have come through so much. I really do admire your strength and courage because it must have taken so much to get to where you are now. Keep going and keep your chin up!

[MegaMadness]

Thats great

[Ancora Imparo]

Congratulations on finding happiness! It sounds like you have been through a really rough time but I'm so glad that you have managed to come through all of your troubles. I'm sure the fact that you know what it is like to struggle makes this happiness all the more sweeter and I really hope that you can use your experiences to help others who may be in a similar situation to what you were. You're an absolute inspiration and you deserve all the success and happiness in the world. Here's to many more years of happiness!

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

Wow, well done for working through all of this. I'm glad you're happy now.

[Kristen♡]

Man, round of applause for you! That had to be extremely rough, but look at you now!
I really hope things stay good for you. You're an inspiration!