Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

What did I even do to deserve that message?!

[TheEdenProject]

i'm just gonna isolate myself and barely have the motivation to do anything again.

[London_grace]

Just breathe. You have to be calm. Come on L, everything is going to be ok.

I feel so disgusting.
I feel worthless.
I want to leave everything behind.

I’m almost back down to my lowest weight, and all I want to do is set the bar lower. This weight can’t be bad if I’ve gotten even lower, right? This could be the new normal.

[Silvan]

today i was shooting a gun for the first time ever and i was the fucking worst one out of my whole class. literally. and i'm so interested in weaponry, i expected it to be one thing i could be fucking good at.

[Complete Love.]

Lets see. My meds arent working because im bipolar, borderline personality, major deppresive, binge eating purge type, anorexic. Doctors cant figure out the right combination. I didnt sleep at all last night. I masturbated for the first time so I feel really gross but im conflicted because it felt good. I disguist myself. Im also engaged and am supposed to get married in August 2018. Im moving across the country where I know no one. Literally no one. I will have no medical care, dental care, eye care, car insurance. I feel fucked. I want to kill myself. I feel trapped in my body.

[Kate*]

STILL not covered?! It's usually fixed by now and it's YOUR FAULT because we sent the crap you wanted... EARLY Do your FUCKING job!

[London_grace]

I don't know how much more I can hold onto. I need everything to be okay with my mom! I feel horrible right now, I want to cry and yell and I can't take this
hurting. The last time I felt like this, I started to cut myself and I don't want to do this.

[nothereanymore]

I’m so sorry that you feel attacked because I couldn’t stay up and be excited with you. I definitely did it because I don’t care about you. Not because it was eleven o’clock and I needed to go to sleep or anything.

I’m so hungry, but I can’t eat. My safe breakfast is not accessible at the moment, and I can’t eat anything else. I weigh more than yesterday because I ate so much yesterday. I can’t eat because eating will make me fat. I need to work out, I need to run, but I don’t have the time today. If I can’t work out, then I can’t eat. Simple.

I need to go into work, but I hate driving as it is, and it’s raining now. I have to stop and get gas. I can do most of my work from home, but I have a meeting that requires me to go in. I love my job, but on days like today, it’s overwhelming. I haven’t even begun planning for the event this weekend. I have so much to do and only so many hours to do it. Eating won’t help me get anything done, but I feel so guilty going into work without eating. I can’t eat today.

[Silvan]

exhausted because of all this mess. exhausted emotionally. i wish so much that i could be in my countryside now, i need it a lot.
i need peace.

[TheEdenProject]

i am barely able to communicate with anyone and at this point i am just isolating myself...

and nobody is noticing it... comming to the conclusion that i am not necessarily needed...

i wish i had anyone to contact when i'm suicidal but nobody has time for me...

[lameoverachiever]

i want this to end. i want to be myself but i dont know who i am anymore. i'm having panic attacks every day and want to hurt myself. wish i could go back to theraphy.

[Everglow.]

Working an 8:45-5:30 shift...then instead of going home I have to wait until 6:30 for an after work meeting. Looking at a 10-11 hour day basically. So tired.

My head hurts and I am uncertain if I am prepared for the interview. They canceled the meeting I had today and it wouldn't be a huge deal but they should have had all this stuff done back in OCTOBER!

You’re an idiot for continuing to do this. It obviously takes an emotional toll on you, but no, you won’t listen to reason. I’d hoped you’d stopped when you reached your $1,000 goal but apparently not. And doing those chats at work? Of COURSE I’m judging you! You’re supposed to be doing your job! If you get fired I will literally have zero sympathy.

Pull yourself together, woman.

I want to die.

[Kate*]

I had a hard enough time calling once, now I have to do it again which is bad enough, but I fear another reaction like yours, but if I just leave a message, I'm worried that won't be enough or they won't get it and I'll get consequences for missing a shift. I'd call again before close, but I'm 99% sure I'll just get you again.

I'm calling off because an earlier shift will not happen on literally ZERO sleep.Im a responsible employee, I swear! I did it, I'm sorry, but there was no way. You can yell at me tomorrow night if you want.

I forgot there are people there all the time, that was awkward! But, now I know.

[nothereanymore]

WHY. IS. IT. SO. HARD. TO. FUCKING. L I V E. IN. THIS. HOUSE.
Or am I in the wrong for being so irritated? *retinas detach*

[MWF]

All... I want... is to have sex... Please... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

[.Brittany.]

Got told to go kill myself today..

Maybe I will listen to them..

Idk why I even sent that
If I disappeared would you all notice

but do I really have an eating disorder? I ate today, after all. I didn't work out like I planned because I recognized it would not be good for my body to run this morning. I ate breakfast, I ate lunch, I even had a snack with my co-workers! I don't need to eat anything else today, I'm okay. I'm fine. Eating disorders are for thin girls and I'm not thin. I don't have a problem.

[Kate*]

Anxiety, ENOUGH!!! You did the best you could and the worst that will happen is that they'll tell you how you're supposed to do it and then move on and let it go. You know how they are with you and you know it's not going to be that big a deal. You called twice and talked to two managers, it'll be fine, CHILL! If he did nothing after that random conversation with her,
he's not going to do anything. Nothing is going to happen and if it does, you just explain that you were never told how it works, called twice, and gave plenty of notice. You are perfectly fine there and they probably won't say anything! Someone lost a fucking TREE tonight, it was 100% the right and responsible decision. Short of waiting an hour and a half to talk to the specific person, you did everything right! Their reactions aren't your fault.

I ate SmartPop popcorn, which isn’t a meal, but it’s food. There are no more eggs, and with the way it’s snowing, I can’t go get any. There’s almost no safe food here anymore. Nothing is safe. If it’s not safe, I can’t eat it. All I want to do is binge right now, but I can’t binge on the last of the safe food because I’m home all day tomorrow and my family expects me to eat. I can’t binge anyway because I’m already fat. So instead, I’ll be lazy and not put my mug away because I’ll lose control if I go into the kitchen.

I don’t want to die. I don’t want my eating disorder to kill me. I want to be alive, but how can I live when living means eating and eating means getting fat? Getting fatter. I can’t get fatter. I can’t. All of this is too much to handle. I don’t want to read this book anymore. I wish no one knew about the disorder. I wish I cut those friends out of my life because they’re the only ones who notice and them knowing risks everything for me. I just need to be thin. Once I’m thin, il be okay and I can. Eat again. But I have to be thin first. It’s not optional.

I feel like a terrible person.
I feel like it would be best if I died.
I feel dismissed.
I've been told that what was suggested was stupid but I feel discouraged.
I want to cut myself to pieces.

If a man treated me like my eating disorder treats me, I would leave him in a second. So why do I feel so trapped in the cycle of binging and restricting?

I just want to be healthy. I want to be able to comfortably eat something besides the ten or so foods anorexia has deemed safe for me to consume. I want to be able to wear women's clothing without looking like a little girl playing dress up. I want to be healthy. I want to be okay. That's all I want. I just want to be healthy. I want to live. I want to live. I want to live.

I don't know what I am doing.
I am so damn anxious.
I can't even concentrate.

[London_grace]

It's too much for me!

[Complete Love.]

I have an imaginary friend named Malia. I tell my parents im going to go hang out with her just to get out of the house and purge. They literally think im going to go hang out at my friends house. Well Malias house. Little do they know that Malia is my eating disorder. Aka Mia. Yeah. I know. I have a problem.

I don't know how I am going to survive this week...I just feel done

“If you’re not recovering, you’re dying.”
maybe I wasn’t made to live. Recovery is great and possible for everyone else. I feel like I’m too far gone.

[Everglow.]

Hate feeling like that. Like my mind isnt where my body is. Makes me feel so paranoid.

Also so tired of this work chat and the fact she's such a liar. Every day its just constant negativity and complaints.
Really makes me not want to be there.

I'm excited but all nervous. I know this is normal but I wish I weren't nervous.

[Tigereyes]

I really hate being clean sometimes because this really hurts so much and there's no better way to deal with the pain than to relapse, so I just sit here and suffer, ruining what little I have left. Sometimes I think I'd hurt others less if I just relapsed and stayed quiet about it, but I know I can't control it for long.

[London_grace]

I hope I can sleep tonight. Feel like binge eating!

That's really frustrating. Apparently I don't have the right to be disappointed. I explained that disappointment was my initial reaction but that's not my final reaction.

Apparently it's still stupid/uncalled for that I'm disappointed.

Great way to try and shame people for their feelings.