Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

Please let everything work out. Please let me make it through this. Please let me overcome the disappointment when I find out I failed that test!!

I’m at the point where I either recover, or get worse. I can’t stay in this inbetween any longer. I have no idea what direction I’m going to go.

I hate myself
Wish I could make it stop

[Kate*]

I kind of need that session that I have to cancel because you still haven't done your fucking job!

I kind of want to write about that, but it seems so stupid, that I feel like I'd regret it either if/when it was published or when/after I leave there.

I want to die right now.

Don't feel well!

[nothereanymore]

I’m starting to forget who she was

My anxiety has been so shitty lately. I get that it could improve but it's to the point where I am getting so anxious that I just want to die because it will stop.

I keep thinking about self harm because that 'helps' as well. (It doesn't really but the anxiety does stop for a bit).

I don't know what has led to the increase and my doctor did give me xanax but I don't want to start taking it again.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

No one cares about me.....
Should just kill myself.....

[nothereanymore]

All about you. Always all about you. It’s always about how you feel and how you’re a victim. Poor, poor you. You ever think that you’re the problem?

[Kate*]

I really hope there's someone out there for me, but a lot of people like me end up alone.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

No matter what I do, I'll always be a burden. I'll always be the black sheep of the family. What guy will ever love a fat, ugly, disgusting, worthless girl with scars?

[Kate*]

Good news: I can see that you're acknowledging that she sent it when she said she did
Bad news: When I click, I get an error message and the company says I'm still not covered

I just want this fixed so I can maintain my meds and appointments. I told you you didn't do your fucking job!

Please do it.

I know I won’t be happier if I get skinnier, but it feels like I would be. Maybe not happier, but safer. People don’t hurt beautiful things.

I feel so disgusted with myself.
Sometimes I think it would be a hell of a lot better if I did not continue living!

[Tigereyes]

I fucking hate college and all this bullshit. Maybe if we actually learned something instead of just memorizing meaningless shit, it wouldn't be so fucking bad

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

No one will ever love me.....

Sometimes I feel like the only way to fix everything ... for everyone ... is to disappear

[Kate*]

I have to cancel that appointment. It's a phone call, how hard is that?!

I am probably a terrible person but I am tired of most people and their views on things.

[Everglow.]

Literally bombarded with things to do at work but because we arent qualified or professional members of staff, if something goes wrong or isn't running properly the blame is always pinned on us. Even if I speak up and acknowledge what they say and say my part, they'll always have the final say. So they'll keep piling things up on us to do and then when they have a free slot in the clinic, instead of helping us they'll sit on their phones in their rooms.
So tired of this shit.

I feel fat.
I know 'fat' isn't a feeling but I do...I guess I just feel gross.
I have lost a bit more weight too. I still feel disgusting.
I keep hoping my ED voice will disappear and I know it never will but I hate the mental torture.
I am not actively being disordered like I was in the past ... but the thoughts are there ... constantly.

[Fanatic]

All because of my depression and all because of you, I'm more fucked up in the head than I have ever been. No thanks for breaking me even more than I ever was.

Not sure what to do.
I am probably going to have to send the email to check in.
I don't want to be a bother to them though. It might cause them to flag my name or something.

I'm scared! I don't know what to do!

I'm quite dumb

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

All I'll ever be is a burden and a nuisance to people.....
I create problems for people.....
I'm a troublemaker.....

[Kate*]

It amazes me how often I'm still hit with this, and how far removed the sources are. Just when I think I'm becoming okay with it, I'm slapped in the face again.

It is amazing how worthless and disgusting I am.

I wish I weren't here.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I'm such a disgusting and unattractive person. I'll never amount to anything. I'm such a dumb, worthless person who fails.

I hate you. Constantly making me feel so guilty for needing help with things and you spend $400 like it's not a big deal. That could have helped with my car.

It's your money to spend but stop making me feel like a piece of shit and a burden.

[nothereanymore]

Yeah, because acknowledging the daily, constant struggle I go through to not kill myself is me acting weak and like a victim. And me calmly saying “I don’t want to have this conversation anymore” is childish. What a child would do. I’m sick to death of you and I cannot fucking wait to go home and never fucking come back here. Overconfident high and mighty prick.

I keep binge eating and I already self harmed. Everything is getting too me.

[Kate*]

I really wish the toilet worked
That I could sleep
And that the tiny bit of not being perfect would stop haunting me. I knew it was coming and it's not like I'm not used to A LOT worse. Hell, I was harder on myself than he was! So why can't I let it go?

I am anxious and trying to avoid taking anything. This sucks! I can't even function all that well because of it.

[Kate*]

I did not sleep and now I have to go to work where I will be self-conscious about the job I'm doing(or rather not doing), even though it's not bad and needing training and direction that I should've had is nothing to be ashamed of.

Apparently tonight caffeine is going to cause anxiety. I know that was good, and the more I think about anything, the worse I make it out to be. I told them it was a lack of training that either I was supposed to get or they thought I had had. I was doing what I was hired for and never taught anything else, it's not entirely my fault. I need to talk to them about getting a list!

[Celyn]

Tired, headache, in pain, can't be bothered. Probably look a right state, but hope no-one notices. Why do I do this?

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I don't belong anywhere. No one would notice or even care if I disappeared.

You know, some of your behavior is downright hurtful and I'm beginning to think you're a selfish bitch. Today you laughed at me for the efforts I made with my schoolwork WHEN I'm still recovering from the flu. I got a lot of shit done, and you found it amusing that I was "already done."

But more than that was when I was in the hospital. When you're in need, I'm always there for you, every time. Even when I think your problems aren't worth stressing over, I'm there to support you. Well, I had a BIG problem, one worth stressing over, and where were you? Nowhere to be found. It hurt that you didn't visit, but I can understand your anxiety about doing so. What's inexcusable, though, is not even asking after me. Not once. You didn't say a damn word to S about how I was doing. And that, THAT hurts.

Put all that on top of you always wanting stuff from me and yeah, it's starting to seem like you're kind of a selfish bitch. I hope you're not. That would make me sad because I really like you, but you've GOT to put in more effort if this is going to work. You just have to.