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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 12th 2018, 06:02 AM
I kind of need that session that I have to cancel because you still haven't done your fucking job!
I kind of want to write about that, but it seems so stupid, that I feel like I'd regret it either if/when it was published or when/after I leave there.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 13th 2018, 09:52 PM
My anxiety has been so shitty lately. I get that it could improve but it's to the point where I am getting so anxious that I just want to die because it will stop.
I keep thinking about self harm because that 'helps' as well. (It doesn't really but the anxiety does stop for a bit).
I don't know what has led to the increase and my doctor did give me xanax but I don't want to start taking it again.
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 14th 2018, 02:41 AM
No matter what I do, I'll always be a burden. I'll always be the black sheep of the family. What guy will ever love a fat, ugly, disgusting, worthless girl with scars?
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 14th 2018, 04:50 AM
Good news: I can see that you're acknowledging that she sent it when she said she did
Bad news: When I click, I get an error message and the company says I'm still not covered
I just want this fixed so I can maintain my meds and appointments. I told you you didn't do your fucking job!
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 14th 2018, 08:42 PM
I fucking hate college and all this bullshit. Maybe if we actually learned something instead of just memorizing meaningless shit, it wouldn't be so fucking bad
"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 15th 2018, 10:12 PM
Literally bombarded with things to do at work but because we arent qualified or professional members of staff, if something goes wrong or isn't running properly the blame is always pinned on us. Even if I speak up and acknowledge what they say and say my part, they'll always have the final say. So they'll keep piling things up on us to do and then when they have a free slot in the clinic, instead of helping us they'll sit on their phones in their rooms.
So tired of this shit.
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 15th 2018, 11:07 PM
I feel fat.
I know 'fat' isn't a feeling but I do...I guess I just feel gross.
I have lost a bit more weight too. I still feel disgusting.
I keep hoping my ED voice will disappear and I know it never will but I hate the mental torture.
I am not actively being disordered like I was in the past ... but the thoughts are there ... constantly.
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 15th 2018, 11:34 PM
All because of my depression and all because of you, I'm more fucked up in the head than I have ever been. No thanks for breaking me even more than I ever was.
"I'm not a piece of cake for you to just discard
While you walk away with the frosting of my heart
So I'm taking back what's mine, you'll miss
The slice of heaven that I gave to you last night." - "Cake" by Melanie Martinez
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 16th 2018, 02:04 AM
Not sure what to do.
I am probably going to have to send the email to check in.
I don't want to be a bother to them though. It might cause them to flag my name or something.
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 16th 2018, 06:12 AM
It amazes me how often I'm still hit with this, and how far removed the sources are. Just when I think I'm becoming okay with it, I'm slapped in the face again.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 17th 2018, 10:20 PM
I hate you. Constantly making me feel so guilty for needing help with things and you spend $400 like it's not a big deal. That could have helped with my car.
It's your money to spend but stop making me feel like a piece of shit and a burden.
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 17th 2018, 11:08 PM
Yeah, because acknowledging the daily, constant struggle I go through to not kill myself is me acting weak and like a victim. And me calmly saying “I don’t want to have this conversation anymore” is childish. What a child would do. I’m sick to death of you and I cannot fucking wait to go home and never fucking come back here. Overconfident high and mighty prick.
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 18th 2018, 11:47 AM
I really wish the toilet worked
That I could sleep
And that the tiny bit of not being perfect would stop haunting me. I knew it was coming and it's not like I'm not used to A LOT worse. Hell, I was harder on myself than he was! So why can't I let it go?
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 18th 2018, 05:09 PM
I did not sleep and now I have to go to work where I will be self-conscious about the job I'm doing(or rather not doing), even though it's not bad and needing training and direction that I should've had is nothing to be ashamed of.
Apparently tonight caffeine is going to cause anxiety. I know that was good, and the more I think about anything, the worse I make it out to be. I told them it was a lack of training that either I was supposed to get or they thought I had had. I was doing what I was hired for and never taught anything else, it's not entirely my fault. I need to talk to them about getting a list!
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Last edited by Kate*; February 19th 2018 at 05:21 AM.
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 18th 2018, 10:21 PM
You know, some of your behavior is downright hurtful and I'm beginning to think you're a selfish bitch. Today you laughed at me for the efforts I made with my schoolwork WHEN I'm still recovering from the flu. I got a lot of shit done, and you found it amusing that I was "already done."
But more than that was when I was in the hospital. When you're in need, I'm always there for you, every time. Even when I think your problems aren't worth stressing over, I'm there to support you. Well, I had a BIG problem, one worth stressing over, and where were you? Nowhere to be found. It hurt that you didn't visit, but I can understand your anxiety about doing so. What's inexcusable, though, is not even asking after me. Not once. You didn't say a damn word to S about how I was doing. And that, THAT hurts.
Put all that on top of you always wanting stuff from me and yeah, it's starting to seem like you're kind of a selfish bitch. I hope you're not. That would make me sad because I really like you, but you've GOT to put in more effort if this is going to work. You just have to.