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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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Re: Screaming thread. - May 31st 2019, 10:20 AM

Anxiety is so bad


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 2nd 2019, 11:50 AM

Maybe life just doesn't fucking work out for everyone. Just leave me the fuck alone. I'd rather die than keep dealing with any of this shit.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 3rd 2019, 12:44 AM

I don't want to sleep. Why do we even need sleep? It's overrated!


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 3rd 2019, 06:26 PM

My head is killing me. I want to go home and sleep but I'll have to go home and go shopping


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 4th 2019, 04:26 PM

I need this day to end.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 5th 2019, 04:01 PM

If I could disappear that would be great.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 6th 2019, 07:35 AM

I watched him die for six monthes. I watched him eat away at his own skin and hair until he was balding I watched his face and paws bloat and swell from the sickness I watched him pee blood everyday and have trouble walking I watched him nearly go blind from an injury that you refused to correct I layed with him while we both slept in fleas because you couldn't be bothered to get rid of them
I watched him struggle everyday with a cone that he never needed up until they stuck a needle in his little foot and watched him collapse right in front of me so he could finally, finally sleep without pain but he never got up. and then I stroked his little puppy ears until they were cold because I loved him more than you ever loved me. and now I can't ever sleep without seeing dead puppy ears because of what you could have done but deliberately didnt.... you bought me a puppy to keep my mouth shut about the cutting but when the two of us became family you took him away too. and, I want to make you hurt, I want you to feel the pain that you caused us because you fucking deserve it.
but it won't matter because it's still 4 in the morning and all I see are dead puppy ears.
   
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Re: Screaming thread. - June 6th 2019, 01:16 PM

I hate this anxiety


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 8th 2019, 10:59 AM

god I forgot how bad high school was...
   
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Re: Screaming thread. - June 9th 2019, 02:44 AM

Dreading work and it's not even Sunday.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 10th 2019, 12:30 PM

Why did I just do that? Only gone and triggered myself. Feel so sick, tense and shivery. Ugh.

I hope this doesn't last long and I can't be like this tomorrow.

I just don't know what I'm doing? Nothing seems right? I feel like whatever I do, I'm screwed?

Sometimes I wish I could disappear. It's too much at times. And then I feel like I don't matter anyway? I can't figure it out? What if I can't feel love?


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 10th 2019, 01:34 PM

It's Monday and I'm struggling. What's new though, really?


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 10th 2019, 05:19 PM

Everything was kinda OK for a moment and it's gone again...


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 10th 2019, 10:01 PM

Jesus let this day fucking end!!!!


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 11th 2019, 09:32 AM

I'm actually such a stupid idiot


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 11th 2019, 01:21 PM

My boss isn't here the next two days so that's a plus.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 12th 2019, 07:42 PM

I'm a mess. I'm so unworthy. There's no way anybody will stick by my side. I should be dead


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 12th 2019, 08:26 PM

I'm not gonna go to school. I don't care. It's so unimportant. I don't care about the maturity exam. I don't care about university. I don't care about a job. I don't care about life. It's not worthy. It's useless. It's nothing fun at all, only some 80 years of struggling every day. What for? What's the aim of this fight? Yet another day of struggle? I don't care about it. Might as well be hit by a car. I don't care.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 13th 2019, 01:09 AM

I am anxious about work tomorrow. I know why but I am tired of this. I just want a new job.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 13th 2019, 10:44 AM

Too exhausted to function. No amount of caffeine helps. Even with potentiators. I'm debating asking someone to let me try more effective stimulants, even though I know it'll end badly. Probably very quickly. But what other option do I have when I need to keep pushing through because no one fucking understands and wants me to just be "cured." Because if I'm not in the hospital RIGHT NOW, I can't be sick...


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 13th 2019, 11:52 AM

Physically sick about having to go to work today. I just can't do this much longer. Please let me get called for an interview soon and please let me get the damn job


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 13th 2019, 10:38 PM

Still can't get a fucking job so I still can't leave this abusive house. And if I don't get out of here soon, I'm going to end up killing myself. It's not really if, it's when.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 14th 2019, 01:05 AM

I want to die. I don't actually want to die I just want the fucking anxiety to stop


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 14th 2019, 10:13 AM

They yelled at me for politely mentioning once not to spray a ton of febreze in my brother's room without closing my door going forward because it drifted into my room, and scents like that are a huge migraine trigger for me.

But I'm expected to function at 100%. When I certainly haven't felt close to 100% BEFORE this.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 14th 2019, 03:41 PM

I'm probably gonna end up killing myself or cutting


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 15th 2019, 11:45 AM

Getting out of an abusive situation is actually quite often a privilege... because if you don't have a financial means, good fucking luck.


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 15th 2019, 05:57 PM

23 (hitting 24 this December) year old dude. No major, have finished high school but never attended anything past that (went to an adult school for an IT course, but I didn't pass the final exams, partially due to shitty teachers, partially due to neglect, coming from not actually wanting to pursue that field).

Currently stuck in shitty job in a factory, physically exhausting and mentally less than pleasing (better than my previous one, but yeah). The pay isn't horrible, but it's more the feeling of being the easiest to replace, most meaningless cog that's eating away at me.

I feel like such a wasted potential... I know I'm intelligent and can be passionate, but I'm so numb and disconnected from the world, even the simplest things like leaving my fucking home feel like achievements. I've got a useless family, more busy fighting and complaining about each other than engaging in emotional life of their fellow members, no real friends, and the only person I feel genuinely emotionally close to is my younger brother, but I can't exactly drop all my weight on a 15 yo boy, can I? It would be just cruel...

I'd like to say something like "I want to enjoy life again", but honestly, I... I don't know if I do. I don't want to keep trying, I don't want to be putting the effort anymore. I don't want to keep relying on sleeping meds to even get some actual rest at night, I don't want to constantly repeat the same scenarios over and over in my head.

I regret so many stupid things in my life, I feel like I'm 40, and I haven't even fucked once in my life yet. I spend my days playing video games, listening to music and wanking to shitty porn. It's more of a habit now, rather than a thing I actually, honestly enjoy. I can't even really get drunk, cause my alcohol tolerance is borderline retarded, and buying larger amounts of alcohol genuinely makes me feel guilty and worried about addiction.

And the fucking worst thing? IT'S NOT EVEN THE LOWEST IM AT. Truth to be told, my life has been improving rather steadily, I made a larger jump in the last two years or so, than I did through my middle and high school combined... I've got a car, a paying job (shitty, yeah, but they haven't missed a payment yet, and my workmates aren't bad people), I can splurge a little on myself and not suffer for that, and yet... I feel so useless, like such a failure.

I feel like I should have achieved more by now, and this weird guilt-like feeling is corroding me inside everytime my thoughts wander off. Constant anxiety and insecurity, courtesy of a fucked up period in high school, bullying and family problems, means that even free weekends aren't much of a rest, cause I'm always worried I messed something up at work, or something upsets me otherwise.

There are times when I want to cry, but... what's even the point? It's a periodic improvement, it'll all return sooner or later. It never leaves, does it...


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Re: Screaming thread. - June 15th 2019, 07:41 PM

My best friend wont come to pride with his two LGBT+ best friends because it's 'not his thing'. Absolutely love a homophobe in denial.


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Re: Screaming thread. - Yesterday, 08:28 AM

I'm not enjoying anything that I am doing.

Everything I do is to pass the time.

Am I going to just pass the time until my death? What a shitty way to get through this world.


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Re: Screaming thread. - Yesterday, 01:15 PM

This is such a soul crushing job and it sucksx


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Re: Screaming thread. - Yesterday, 03:21 PM

Literally just fell flat on my face walking to the train station. I'm such a fucking failure at life and I think I've messed my knee up again.


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Re: Screaming thread. - Yesterday, 04:48 PM

I am struggling so much with being alive right now. It's not like I'll kill myself because it's passive thoughts. I just worry that it will turn to active thoughts.

I tried talking to my dad about my stress and he was like "I know I did it all my life". Cool, good for you. I can't do this all my life because all I need is one small thing to happen and my thoughts will become active.

I shouldn't have to fall apart in order for people to realize that I am not doing okay. D is the only one who recognizes the issue.


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