Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Calaer]

No, no, no! I don't want anymore snow! I just want things to clear up so I can have Friend's day tomorrow evening.

[Jordioa18]

I'll probably become a house husband in the future while I want to fucking work. My girlfriend will have more chances with getting a job with less time and even her internship is getting paid, while I had an unpaid internship and I probably have to study a level higher after my exams and prove myself constantly just to get a fucking job while she doesn't have to prove herself as much. The internship hurt my love for the IT business and almost even threw me off considering my bad motivation I have already.

[thescaredyhuman]

Here goes:
YOU CAN'T JUST "tell" ME TO STOP CUTTING! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WILL? ITS NOT THAT EASY DUDE!

[MsNobleEleanor]

I feel sick and my stomach hurts.
Really can't be getting sick. I'm sure it's IBS related or something I ate.

[Calaer]

People can be so rude and cruel when it comes to things they don't understand.

[nothereanymore]

How could you not know that was why I flushed red all of a sudden? And why the hell did you point it out?! I felt good that she asked me a nice question and you embarrassed me!

[Jovial.]

So tired of people. I'm not too skinny, I'm not too skinny, I'm not to skinny.

[nothereanymore]

Pettyyyyyy

[Kate*]

More of this feeling, and flashbacks, really?! You've already made it beyond clear that it's not meant to be. Considering that you can do anything, you could at least take the desire for it away from me. I want my old life back so bad right now!!!

I'm torn about wanting to go to this interview tomorrow. I have to get up early (for me) and go to someplace unfamiliar just to interview for an entry level job that I probably won't get or will get fired from. But it would be income and experience that I desperately need. And now I'm going to get sick too, awesome. I REALLY want my old life back right now and DON'T want to do this!

Next day and still don't want to.

That was my best interview so far, but my typical interviews are pretty bad, so that doesn't mean I actually have a chance at it.

I'm torn on this whole disability/tough love/harsh world issue. You have a right to be treated like a human being always and to be accommodated when absolutely necessary, but the world is NOT going to coddle or bend over backwards for you because you're sensitive to something or happen to have a disability. Not that everyone does it, but there is such a thing as using a disability, struggle, or illness as an excuse to expect or demand too much and then become offended and call abuse or harassment when you don't get what you had no right to expect or ask for in the first place. The world owes you NOTHING. At the same time, your effort matters and should be acknowledged and sometimes special circumstances dictate going against societal norms and that's okay too.

I used to wonder how the world became so harsh, but the older I get and the more I deal with it, the more I'm becoming like that and I don't want to be that way.

[nothereanymore]

I am empty and useless without this

[escape_thereal_world]

I'm so stressed. My depression seems to be coming back. I'm just trying to keep moving and not lay in bed all day, but it's a major struggle. I'm so sick of losing my pets.

[nothereanymore]

"They probably didn't read it because they were tired of hearing about it."
No shit. You don't say? As if I needed to hear that - coming from you especially.

[Meowstic]

Just because it didn't happen at your house doesn't make you a better parent then mom. The only reason you know about it is because I told you so don't act like you care now when you've hardly been around the last couple years. We would t be any better off living with you Dad

[Calaer]

I wish things would get better.

[MyVisionIsDying]

I got stressed and cried over a misspelling in my cousin's birthday card... go me and my emotions.

[Calaer]

I'm dying for a package to come in the mail. I'm being so impatient.

Things wouldn't be so intense if I wasn't anxious all the time. It makes me sick to my stomach and as though death would be best.

[Celyn]

Mood swings and cramps. Just want a comforting cuddle.

[nothereanymore]

All I can think about now is how annoying I was. Literally every moment I'm awake I want to die. There's nothing to leave behind anyway.

[Calaer]

I hate paying bills.

[nothereanymore]

I get halfway to reaching out and I think, "Keep it to yourself. No one cares." So, you know what, fuck you for saying that.

[Everglow.]

I don't want to be awake at all, ever. What's the point.

[Everglow.]

Another trip to the vets. Anxiety is flaring up. Not only do I have to call them again but I have to go there again. I've been so many times it makes me anxious and i dont know why. Fearing the worst. I don't want another dead hamster.

[Kate*]

On top of everything I told you, I should've also mentioned the real world is kicking my ass. I can't do this anymore, you're belief in success for me was wasted. As much as I would love to have a positive update for you some day, chances are it'll never happen.

I feel really good right now, but I'm just going to crash again, I'm up from this morning so why should I believe this is going to last?! Plus, it's kind of uncomfortable. I feel like something good is going to happen for once, but yeah.

[Mrs.Butterfly]

Why couldn't today go simple?! Today was supposed to have two doctors appointments done, get the testing done.

Not have a flat tire, rush like an insane person to the second appointment. But not early enough to get the test.

So now have to deal with the mess of rescheduling the test. *Head desk*

[MyVisionIsDying]

Stop misgendering me! Please. I can handle the deadnaming for a while but stop with the misgendering for fuck's sake.

[Calaer]

How am I supposed to forgive others when I can't forgive myself? I've made a mistake, only this time, there's no going back. I'm truly sorry. I wish I could take all of it back.

[Everglow.]

Only had him 4 months. Another hamster dead. I can't keep doing this.
It was so horrible. He was suffering so much.

[Kate*]

Then I don't do life. It hasn't exactly proven worth it. I learned nothing from it except how beat the shit out of myself and how to give up.

If I had even a passing interest in IT, that would've been perfect and solved my income crisis; however, the sample tutorial almost put me to sleep, so there goes that.

[nothereanymore]

This 'premenstrual' shit is starting earlier and lasting longer. I don't think it's PMS. I think it's PMDD.
and it gets worse and worse every month. I think this one's gonna kill me

[nothereanymore]

Of course they don't want to talk when I start showing them stuff I've written. That's no surprise. That's the last time I do that.

[nothereanymore]

You are choosing to hurt yourself. You found someone better and yet you still want the fuckboy. And I tell you and tell you but you don't listen, and you keep crying and saying you're hurt BUT YOU DON'T LISTEN. Ditch the drug-addicted wannabe thug bummy ass fuckboy WHO DOESN'T LOVE YOU ONE BIT and learn how to let a real man love you. Better yet, learn how to live and love by your goddamn self. You accept abuse and call it love because you don't think you're worth better. This is a problem.

[Everglow.]

Just got to get through tonight and fight the thoughts in my head. They're unreasonable. Get over it all. I just hate being me. I hate all of this. I hate that after so long I still get urges.
I don't want to work tomorrow. Customers can do one.

[nothereanymore]

PMDD, stress sweat, and severe anxiety. I'm guessing about the PMDD but I don't think it's regular average PMS. No way.
I legitimately contemplate killing myself three and a half weeks out of the month. My premenstrual issues start ten-fourteen days before my period and the symptoms of severe depression, anxiety, and irritability last all throughout my ten-day period. My stress sweat makes me feel like an absolutely disgusting person and my anxiety is rampant more often than not. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.

[MWF]

Rolled my ankle snowboarding today. I haven't been physically hurt in a while... this sucks.

[nothereanymore]

I'm gonna start screaming here in a minute. And I WAS having a good day.

[Kate*]

[size="2"]"Building Character" is a BS concept. "They" try to tell you it's the "good" that comes out of your life completely falling apart and/or never being easy just so "they" can say there is some. What "they" really mean is that being dealt a shit hand by the universe will give you the thick skin required to put up with the ignorance, judgement, and abuse that you'll get from "them" just for being who you are. And "they" will use it as "their" excuse to get away with everything "they" know is wrong.

Why do I keep going back to that?!?! It's not like I'm convinced I want it or that I could even do it (get in and/or finish). And just because the (research) idea sounds good now, doesn't mean it will stay that way (I present my thesis as an example) I guess it couldn't hurt to follow the only lead I was given and try reaching out to them. I don't have high hopes for help from you, but either way, please be gentile, I've been through hell you couldn't imagine and that you'll never know about.

If he wants those, I hope he kept copies since I've lost mine from two laptops ago and can't get into that email anymore.

And now I have to re-call these people and cancel AGAIN, ugh

well, that didn't work, back to square one we go. Don't know how much longer I can do this.

What am I supposed to be learning from all of this?!?! If nothing is worthless or wasted, and you use everything? What is the purpose of me losing everything and then doing NOTHING for over a year? You realize I'm running out right?! I need a break soon, please. I couldn't be more stuck or any more at a stand still if I had planned life to go this way. She says more school isn't an option, even if I could afford it, jobs aren't exactly working out, vocational rehab is worthless for this, therapy won't put anything practical into place, and nobody else has any ideas. Remind me why the fuck this happened?! "You have options" and "This might be the best thing that ever happens to you." my ass!!!!!" Suicide it is, I just can't do it anymore You understand right?!.

[nothereanymore]

I'm so sick of headaches. I'm so sick of head and neck pain. I was a healthy child. Barely had one headache a year, let alone a bad one. As an adult, a NEW adult - I'm not even nineteen! - I'm falling apart. Horrible, horrible, quality-of-life-diminishing allergies, severe migraines, tension/muscle spasms in my neck, trouble sleeping, possible PMDD, wretched anxiety and depression, and constant, constant nausea. Somebody smack me upside the head. I feel so ungrateful but literally my health is an everyday problem. How do I not be miserable?

[escape_thereal_world]

My marriage is failing and it's my fault! I'm pretty sure we're going to get divorced and I don't think I can take that..

[MWF]

I hate the way my life is going... I just wish I could motivate myself.