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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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lol...(rant) - April 10th 2016, 12:37 PM

It is supposed to be my birthday and I thought I would celebrate this year instead of moping like the last few years. But turns out I'll likely be in bed all day.

I'm sick: I feel disgusting and nauseous and been up most ofthe night in pain

I'm feeling low and stressed: there is so much happening and not happening that I'm overwhelmed. I've been crying a whole lot this week for various reasons.I'm depressed for various reasons, known and unknown. I've been hiding under my blankets.

I have tons of schoolwork: yikes! I have so much to do. So many appointments to keep up with too. Although I'm struggling to get myself for the needed doctor appointment. I have to find out about certain physical health issues that were present before I got sick.
I changed doctors because I hadn't had a positive experience with that one. So now there's a new doctor and I'm scared. But I'm thankful for finally having health insurance as of last August, after not seeing a doctor for many years (part scared, part lack of insurance) I also should be seeing a dentist soon too which I'm scared about as well.

In a few hours, I will be 4 weeks SH free. Although I amnot sure what yyou'd call what I did last night. It wasn't cutting though so 4 weeks cutting-free, if I calculated right. But honestly sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be free from self harm. On one hand I'm happy, on the other, I feel like I'm cheating when really I should be punished. Who am I to think I can get away with being punished? That can't be something I get to choose, as I am compelled to SH by a force that (seems to be) outside of myself. Now I'm anticipating far worse things happening because this was my way of controlling the bad by inflicting it on myself.

I hope everyone has a good day. That's all I guess.
   
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Re: lol...(rant) - April 10th 2016, 01:49 PM

The comment disappeared. But I appreciate the suggestions. I am just not sure if I can get myself to go down four flights of stairs and walk outside. Maybe in the afternoon, if it's any warmer than it is now.

And yeah, I know it's a trap to think these things but it's like thoughts I have trouble controlling. It kind of just comes to me like they're not my own thoughts.
   
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