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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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Ashen Offline
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Don't bloody touch me - October 13th 2016, 04:54 AM

Sorry, bit of a long nonsensical rant here.
Not sure where to start so I'm just going to start in the middle/end-ish.

So in Chinese every other week we have to do a short skit/presentation with a partner. And today we did the second one of this semester. Both times I worked with the same girl - who I hadn't met before this semester and I really don't know her.
So... we do the first skit. After class, she sort of pats (?) taps (?) [whatever the word is] me on the back, saying we did good. Of course it makes me flinch/jump.

Then today we did the second skit. We were the seventh group to go out of nine. So there was like a half hour between class starting and us going. And in that time she touched my arm like three times (on purpose) even though each time it made me flinch away/startle. Even though each time I moved a little farther away till I was sitting like as far away in the chair as I could. And she tried to page through my book! That is not okay with me! I get really bad anxiety, especially around people and especially before/after having to talk. Holding/touching my book calms me a bit and helps me not freak out in my head and I really really really do not like other people touching my books. Especially people I do not know and do not trust. And my arm was half covering it. She just reached across, between presentations, asking 'what is that? is that a comic...? Not okay.
And then after the presentation, she taps me on the arm again. This time I almost jerked out of the chair pulling away (thankfully not making a big noise so hopefully the rest of the class did not notice). This time she actually said "Sorry, do you not like to be touched?"
Noooo, really. Whatever gave you that impression. (note the heavy use of sarcasm here.)

Okay, seriously. Who randomly touches someone who's practically a stranger (even just on the arm or shoulder). And who keeps doing it even when that person obviously is flinching away from you. Thank god I was wearing a long sleeved sweatshirt over my sleeveless shirt and she didn't actually touch my skin. That would have been... not good for my state of mind.

Okay, yeah, maybe that sort of touch is "casual" and I'm a bit oversensitive. But is that really normal? Tapping someone - someone whom you really do not know - on the arm or shoulder or back? Is that really normal social behavior? I really don't get it.

Sorry. That just really really... I don't even know the word... bugged (?) annoyed (?) irritated (?) (all of the above ?) me. It's bad enough not always being able to avoid getting knocked into/bumped/brushed against on the street or in the dining hall.
Not that she would know, but the only people I am okay with touching are my two friends back home, my mom, and my grandpa. And even with them I flinch away sometimes or can't stand contact.

Argh, sorry. This just kind of got me worked up/upset. And I probably sound like a crazy person. Sorry.
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Kate* Offline
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Re: Don't bloody touch me - October 13th 2016, 05:04 AM

You don't sound like a crazy person, you don't like being touched and you don't like your space invaded. Some people are more touchy-feely than others, it's just a difference, it's not a bad thing, unless they don't realize that it bothers someone. If it happens again, just say to her as calmly as you can "Please don't touch me." and see if she stops doing it. You might have to remind her a few times, but that should work.

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Celyn Offline
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Re: Don't bloody touch me - October 13th 2016, 11:48 AM

I've had a few incidents like that, and it's difficult when you really don't like to be touched, especially by people you don't really know that well. You aren't crazy either. I only like family and friends touching me. I don't mind casual bumps or brushes in a busy place, but if someone I don't know, deliberately touches me, I'm like you, trying to edge away

I don't think you are oversensitive....everyone has different boundaries and what they find comfortable or not. At the same time, some people just happen to seem rather friendly and touch a lot.

You can always just let the person know for future reference that you'd prefer not to be touched. You don't have to explain why, but they should just remember that for the future.

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