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Chaotic_ February 24th 2017 07:42 PM

My whole day has been a shit storm.
I started the morning off with a fight with my boyfriend because he refused to do something simple that I really needed help with because "I can do it myself and I shouldn't ask for help for little tasks".

I then went to class in a really angry and bitter mood.
It's a discussion based class and I just couldn't think straight to talk because I was angry and my depression was kicking in.

Then my professor forgot that we were supposed to have a meeting. So, of course that just piled onto my already shitty day made it worse.

I had an appointment with my counselor, which kind of helped, but he doesn't like to talk about "situations," as he feels like it's better to work on how we "respond," to them. He then asked me what I wanted and how he could help (because I'm really bad at giving direction and I'm quite because I'm scared of judgement and I just can't get words out), so he now wants me to e-mail him about what he could do better, what we can focus on, and more. It just seems like another pressure though honestly.

I just don't know what to do.
Today sucks.
And it's supposed to be "date night" with my boyfriend, but I'm really still kind of pissed with him.

Everything just keeps piling on.
I don't know how much more I can handle without exploding onto someone.

Jovial February 24th 2017 09:49 PM

Re: Ugh.
Stay strong! Everyone has bad days and everyone has good days. However, things can be blown out of proportion in a bad day - the negatives stick and the positives don't. Think about all the good things that have happened today. And I highly recommend going out with your boyfriend. You may not feel like it, but it will be really worth it!

Keep well an have a good date!

del677 February 25th 2017 07:05 AM

Re: Ugh.
Well your counselor could practice and learn the power of listening without responding.

That is, tell him don't try to fix things, just listen to me describe my situation and everything that's wrong with my life. That's it. The listening itself is the cure.

Listening doesn't fix problems, instead it makes it OK to have problems. Then we feel OK again.

I half suspect back in "cave man" days, we lived in tribes, and when we had an issue, we felt better after telling others about it, which didn't immediately fix the problem, but reassured us we were still a part of the tribe, and maybe it helped the problem eventually be resolved later.

Getting out of a bad mood triggered by a situation is tricky. We tend to ruminate, when we should do the opposite -- let it go, perhaps scheduling a time to resume it at a later time. Takes a bit of practice.

How do I respond to a situation? Well I go talk with my therapist about it. Actually I talk, therapist listens, I feel better, nothing is fixed, but I feel better because therapist listened.

Oh yes and it's a listening without judgement. No trying to figure out what's right and what's wrong, who's to blame, crap like that. The listening itself is the cure.

Then he listens, you talk about your boyfriend, and having someone listen kinda helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings, and maybe you gain some insight in the process, and if he's good he doesn't try to fix your relationship, he just helps you understand it better what's going on.

Sorry you and your boyfriend having communication problems.

Sorry rough day.

Thank you for writing about your day. (Helps me to know I'm not the only one who has days like this.)

sirenz February 25th 2017 05:20 PM

Re: Ugh.
Hi Cass,

Just a food for thought on the email - is there anything you feel you could lose to just give it a try, if it means it could help your counsellor understand how to better help you?

I am also wondering if you have ever tried to ask him to explain to you why he did not seem to want to talk about "situation" and instead to focus on how you would respond to it? sometimes, it doesn't hurt us to clarify so that we can understand how the counsellor is trying to help us and if we disagree, to consider whether something else needs to be arranged, like a new counsellor, because of a lack of fit between the style of counsellor and needs of the client.

But my guess as to why the counsellor focuses on learning to respond to situations is that situations in life are always fluid. This means that the content of situations may constantly change. However, when we learn to respond to these situations that trigger us, e.g. trigger us to become really angry, we can learn to recognise these triggers and learn to come up with coping strategies to help us not feel so terrible. We cannot control situations in life, but we can control how we respond to them. If we learn positive ways to respond to these situations, such as recognising our own emotions and thoughts, it helps us remain calm or to reframe our thinking so that we can help ourselves feel better and see what we can do to rectify the situation. If we respond to these situation, such as becoming frustrated and worked up easily, we can become angry or upset.

.Brittany. February 28th 2017 05:28 PM

Re: Ugh.
Hi Cass,

First of all, I'm going to move this to the 'why me' forum as I feel it fits there a bit better.

Fights with your significant other are always stressful and difficult to deal with. Same with people forgetting about meetings that were planned.

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. I hope you're feeling better!

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