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Question My friend saw my scars and ignored them - April 15th 2017, 07:44 AM

My friend saw my scars in gym and saw that I had started to cut but she ignored it and didn't say anything. What should I do?
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Re: My friend saw my scars and ignored them - April 15th 2017, 08:18 AM


Firstly, welcome to TH!

When someone else finds out about someone they care about self harming they usually don't know how to react. Some people have a negative reaction, some people start being overly careful with what they say and some people just don't say anything because they don't know how to bring it up or talk to you about it. She might not even be ignoring it and is instead trying to figure out what to say to you, or is just waiting till you bring it up so she doesn't feel like she's asking questions she shouldn't. It might even have been that talking in the gym is quite an awkward place to have a talk about something like that and she's just finding an appropriate time to talk.

Do you want to talk to her about it? Having friends know something like that can be difficult to deal with at first, however actually having that support can definitely be beneficial. Talking to her about it can be helpful to both of you, especially so she knows that she can talk to you about it and voice her concerns. You could text her about it if you don't feel comfortable talking to her face to face, or you could get her alone at school and talk to her there. Remember that she might not know exactly the right things to say so if she doesn't react too well then don't think it's your fault for bringing it up, however she might also have a pretty good reaction and say just the right things so if you trust her enough then it's always better to talk to her about it than not.

I know you didn't ask so I'm not going to say too much about it, but I'm just going to say that self harming doesn't actually solve anything. You said that you had just started to self harm, but self harm is addictive and none of us want to see you get to the point where you're addicted. The longer you do it the harder it is to stop, so stopping before it gets too far is the best idea. We have a list of alternatives that you might want to have a look at here so you can get some ideas of what to do instead.

I hope everything goes well with your friend.

Take care.
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Re: My friend saw my scars and ignored them - April 19th 2017, 12:29 AM

Hi there!

Raven has said everything very well.

It's usually hard for a friend who doesn't know much about self harm, to be able to talk to someone who's doing it. I've had this a few times, but I would honestly have them not say anything instead of saying the wrong things. You could also consider approaching them to see what they have to say about it, or to see if they'd be able to help you a bit.

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