Triggering: Complaint of the Day 2

[Tigereyes]

The first hell weekend is here..

[Nala.]

There's not enough time in a day.

[daisy_jam]

Depression is lingering in like a bad smell and I can feel it changing my head.

That conversation made me more anxious. Apparently my boss used to request everyone's references and so now I'm not sure if it's a good thing.

Jesus they need to let me know already.

[Tigereyes]

"I shouldn't have to bully you into making you feel good about yourself."
Maybe don't fucking bully me?? It only makes me feel even worse about myself than I already do. Shocking, right?

It's only wednesday.

I still haven't heard.
I am stressed to the max and would like to self harm.

[Tigereyes]

My body feels so weary and heavy..

I have a headache and my anxiety is so damn bad.

[daisy_jam]

How is it possible to get heartburn from drinking water????

My head hurts and I want to go home but I can't take any more time off

I am freaking out a bit but there's nothing I can do till monday.

[Celyn]

I hate that I get distracted and start reading things that I know will get me down.

[Tigereyes]

I wish I "looked sick" enough to qualify for a day off. Referring to my parents, not a job. Not sure how I'll get by if I ever get lucky enough to get a job. I need stronger than caffeine to treat this fatigue..

I'm anxious about having to make that phone call

[Tigereyes]

I'm supposed to unlearn my survivor behaviors to heal and grow, and I know I've made progress because now I'm in multiple situations that require my survivior self to stay alive but I'm having a hard time finding her again.

[Tigereyes]

4 interviews for 5 positions this week, which would be great if I wasn't too dead exhausted to focus on anything. I'm too numb to care right now.

Today is going to be long. I've been up since four because I had a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep

[Storyteller.]

Only took a week for the dreams to start. That's good to know.

My head is killing me and I forgot to bring medication with me

[Tigereyes]

I feel numb to the job search and so fatigued and physically sick.

[Tigereyes]

Too sick to care what happens to me. At least that means no anxiety. Unfortunately, I still can't do the things anxiety prevented me from doing.

Having bad anxiety and on top of that I have a migraine

8 PM crash. What else is new?

It's too warm out.

It's only 720 and it's warm

[Tigereyes]

These are the worst self-harm urges I've had in years, and I know I can resist them, but I don't know that I want to this time.

I'm having severe anxiety

[Celyn]

Not done anything today. Headache and feel sick.

[Tigereyes]

What if I don't want to stay alive? Sure, maybe there are a couple good moments, but the neverending bad far outweighs the minimal good in my life.

[Tigereyes]

Yes, I can struggle through one day at a time to stay alive.

But why the fuck would I want to keep doing that where there's no light at the end of the tunnel?

I am nervous about today

[Tigereyes]

Making my first student loans payment of a few hundred today or tomorrow. Still don't have a real job. I hate my current job with my parents, but I can't afford to not work for them, and I'm staying at their house, so I have to work for them regardless. I feel so hopeless, worthless, trapped. It's hitting more now. Reality is sinking in, and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe there is no light. Sometimes you get buried inside, and the tunnel leads to nowhere, and you die.

[Tigereyes]

It's so weird and wrong to have all my responsibilities, freedom, and privacy suddenly stripped away again after 4.5 years of living independently. I turn 24 in a few months.. stop treating me like I'm 12. Please. You don't always know what's best for me. You don't even know me anymore. I grew up and figured out a lot by myself throughout college, especially my first year. I lived 100% ALONE my first year. I don't need you to tell me what to do. I'm trying to communicate my plans out of respect, but I don't have to. And you need to start respecting me, my time, my space, my boundaries. I'm not a child anymore! I haven't been for years and years. I've been through so much shit that you don't even know about, and you have no right to know. I know myself and what my body needs; stop trying to tell me I'm wrong and need to push myself harder. I already push myself too hard, and it's so hard to work on unlearning over two decades of that behavior pattern. You might be older and be my parents, but you still have a lot of growth that needs to happen. You have no right to go through my stuff, by the way. None. Especially without reason. You were just snooping, and now I feel violated, broken, and betrayed. I shouldn't have to bury art from you. I shouldn't have to suppress my emotions. I should have the freedom to be myself. I am my own person. And there are things about me that I know you won't like, but neither of us can change it. I'm asexual. I'm aromantic. Yes, those things exist; no, I can't change myself. No, I don't want to come out to you ever, and I don't have to. My goal isn't to be out to you. But I miss living with roommates/friends who I could just be myself around. You're afraid of my spending the night at a "gay" friend's house, but I lived with queer friends and roommates for 4 years. Don't tell me at 23 that I can't spend the night at one of those same friend's houses. Yes, I should let you know if I'll be home that night or not, but would you really rather me drive home when I'm too tired to drive safely than spend the night with a friend I've already spent years living with?

[Storyteller.]

The one thing I'd been looking forward to this week was cancelled, which means I now have to settle in for two awful weeks in a row with absolutely nothing to break up the sadness and loneliness. This is why hope is dangerous; it's a quick slip into disappointment and that's more than I can handle right now.

I can't stop freaking out that I have talked too much

[Resilient]

WAKE UP; quit being so tired!

[Tigereyes]

Staying alive a day at a time right now; that's honestly the best I can do for now

[Odyne]

I'm so scared you guys are mad at me.

[Odyne]

I think I might be getting a cold

Trying not to think about the limited time I have left with her.