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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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I Try So Hard - April 1st 2018, 06:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I try so hard to keep it together but I just can't. Soon I know I'm just gonna have a breakdown. I can tell I'm gonna relapse soon. I feel like my life is falling apart. I'm a loser and I know I am. My once close friends are now ignoring me. My dog that was going to be a service dog has to be rehomed. I have zero motivation to do anything. I don't even shower or leave the house much. My anxiety has started becoming worse again. I have no clue what to do with my life. My gpa is super low because I have bad anxiety at school. But I try to stick it out and it's still super bad. My friends all know what they want to do after high school and I don't have a clue! I'm scared all the time and I'm super awkward. I feel sick. I'm starting to hear animal sounds too such as rats squeaking in the bed and dogs barking at the department store when no one else hears them. I asked where the dogs where and my mom said what dogs. I was super embarrassed. So I think I need to get my psychosis meds adjusted too. I'm just a freaking mess!!!

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Re: I Try So Hard - April 4th 2018, 02:50 PM

Hi, I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time right now. When we have a lot of things going on or we have something going on and we are not sure what to do or fix this, it can bring us down and make us feel different things. Can you try talking with someone about how you are feeling right now, a teacher at school that you are close with or the school counselor and letting them know that you're having a hard time and you need some help. You can tell them how you are feeling and everything that is going on and ask them to help you out with this. If you have any siblings you can try talking with them and letting them know what is going on with you. You said that you're GPA is low, can you try talking with you're teachers and asking them for extra work to get you're grades up or talk to the school counselor and see if they can get you a junior or a senior to help get you're grades up higher? This way they can help you out with this and you're grades will go up.

I'm sorry about you're dog being removed from you're home. If you can, can you take some pictures of the dog before it is given away to remember the special times.

You said that you're friends are ignoring you. Can you try just going up to them and letting them know that what they are doing is not making you feel good, and you don't like it and ask then why they are doing this to you? And whatever they say do you're best to not get upset about this.

You said that all of you're friends know what they want to do when they graduate from high school. Can you go to the school counselor and talk to them and let them know that you're not sure what you want to do after high school and they can give you brochures and papers to look through and you can decide on what you would like to do. This will give you different options to help you so that you are not so stressed about this. You said that you are hearing different noises and sounds, can you try letting you're mom know about this and that you would like to go to the doctor and get checked out to see what is going on with you. You can make a list of what you are hearing and feeling and give it to the doctor so that they can help you out with this. Try to do things that will help pick you up, going for walks, music or funny movies or TV shows to take you're mind off of this. I wish you the best and hope that you will be okay soon.
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Re: I Try So Hard - April 5th 2018, 06:08 AM

I'm actually a junior and going to be a senior soon. I took your advice and took some pictures and then rehomed him. Sadly, I go to a different school from my friends and don't see them to let them know it doesn't make me feel good. I'm going to talk to my counselor tomorrow about my future though. Thank you so much for replying

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Re: I Try So Hard - April 6th 2018, 12:57 PM

I am not sure why you had to rehome him but if it was because he wasn't a fit then maybe later on down the line you can work with someone to find a dog that will be a fit for you. I know it's hard to rehome an animal but sometimes there is not choice. I had to rehome my dog when I was younger and it hurt so much but I knew she wouldn't be happy in an apartment. She has a new home and I have talked to the new owners and they love her. She was a foster fail actually. It still hurts but I am glad she is happy. Maybe the person you rehomed her too will continue to update you.

As for your friends, you cannot control their actions. I would suggest talking to them. They might not realize that you feel ignored as they might be busy with school. I know it's hard but if they do not make an effort to change and do not give you a reason as to why they might not be the best of friends. Even when I feel ignored by some of my friends we eventually talk about it and it's never really been an issue with our friendship and more of their life circumstances. Since you go to a different school that can make it difficult to interact with one another.

In regards to school, would you be able to do home school, independent study or online school? When I was relatively sick with bipolar and self harm my school provided me with home hospital schooling which is where you get to meet a teacher at home. The teacher I had eventually asked if I'd like to meet at a bookstore and that was way better than home because I got out of the house. Your school should be able to provide you with these services. If you aren't in the USA I am not 100% certain how it would work to get something like that but in the USA you'd talk to the counselor and they'd be open to trying to help you set up a meeting to establish an IEP ( it's an education plan) if that plan included schooling outside of your campus they provide that.

It's worth looking into even if you are outside the USA because I imagine most places (not all) have some type of online or home school. I can say that the home hospital is what helped me get my degree because my last year of high school I could not handle everything AND going to school.

If you are struggling more with your psychosis I hope that talking to your doctor will be helpful in getting you to a better place. I know I have been struggling a bit more with my mental illness and my doctor is working to fix that. I hope you like your doctors and can get the appropriate help.

If you ever want to talk feel free to message me.

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