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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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Mrs.Butterfly Offline
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Struggling to keep head above water - June 12th 2018, 07:54 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Going through a real rough patch lately. I have Bipolar II and I'm still learning to cope with it. I was hoping that once I had the diagnosis and the medication... Well, that I would stick with it, and not keep forgetting to take medicine or stop when I'm starting to feel good. Not realizing till it's too late that, that was the reason was the reason I was feeling better. Feeling more normal.

On top of the Bipolar, I have a jumbled up mess of other things going on in my life. I've been able to restart my medication, and I'm slowly trying to get better, get my moods more stabilized. Been crying so much lately, and it seems like every other night I'm having nightmares. Bad enough that I wake up in a cold sweat, and the nightmares don't seem to be easing up.

Also been struggling with suicidal thoughts, not enough to try anything, but enough that it still rests in the back of my mind. Wondering why I keep fighting. The suffocating feeling of it resting on my shoulders, and wrapping itself around my neck. Wondering why I even belong here, if I would be missed.

Just badly struggling lately. Tired of putting on my brave face, and acting like everything is okay. Acting like I am okay. I'm not ďokayĒ.
   
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Re: Struggling to keep head above water - June 12th 2018, 08:21 AM

Hey Sarah,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I will say that I know a lot of people who have mental illness will go off of their meds once they are feeling better because they don't think they need them. I have felt like going off of them before, so you aren't alone in feeling this way.

I don't know what exactly is going on besides the bi-polar and stopping the meds, but I do know that when I am stressed it makes my symptoms act up even more. I suggest trying to find an hour or two a day to do something relaxing for yourself. I know that may be hard since you have a toddler or maybe you and him can sit and watch a movie so you both can relax.

The suicidal thoughts are a nightmare to deal with. Especially the ones that aren't strong enough for you to act on them but are there just enough that you know they are there. So I will say going off of your meds could be the reason these thoughts are here. I would see if you can talk to your therapist if you have one...But if you don't I think it may be worth it to find one so you can talk to them about this stuff.

I know how much it sucks to have to walk around faking that you are happy, and how tired you get doing this and just don't want to bother faking it anymore. I understand that completely.

I am wondering since it is getting warmer out, maybe you and your husband can take your sun to a pool, beach, park or a kids museum maybe and just have a fun family outing where you don't really have to worry about anything and can just focus on your family. That may help. I'm not sure if you write but that may also help, or some art, maybe listen to some calming music or your favorite music.

If you ever need to talk I am just a pm/vm away. You also have my phone number(you can PM me for it if you don't have it anymore)you can contact me through that.

I'm not sure how well I did on giving advice but I hope this helped a little bit.
Love you and know you can get through this.

Your Friend,
Frankie.



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And I sure would like some sweet company
And Iím leaving tomorrow, wha-do-ya say?

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Re: Struggling to keep head above water - June 12th 2018, 11:48 AM

It's okay to not be okay. You don't have to put on a brave face.

It's understandable that you'd hope with a diagnosis and medication, that you would stick to it and make it work. But it's common to have relapses, especially if you forget medication or feel better and not take the medication. It takes time to get used to managing mental health and finding what works, and how best to keep at it.

I'm also sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time and having to deal with nightmares and suicidal thoughts. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, and I can see why you would start questioning your life. But you definitely would be missed!

You're going through a difficult time, but it won't last forever. Hang in there


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Re: Struggling to keep head above water - June 12th 2018, 03:32 PM

Hello,
I am so sorry that you are having a hard time right now and I hope that you will be okay soon. When you have the feeling of hurting yourself can you try getting you're mind off of this. Can you try going for a walk or putting on music or a funny movie or calling a friend or a family member to help you out with this. Or finding something else that you like to do.
Can you try looking for a therapist or counselor and letting them know that you are having a hard time with this right now and you need some help. I hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you hugs.


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Re: Struggling to keep head above water - June 13th 2018, 11:31 PM

Hey there, I am so sorry you are going through a rough time right now. I know very well that expectation and hope medication will cure everything that you are struggling with mentally and physically. Unfortunately, it does not work that way, and it is so important to reach out to our mental health team and ask them for ways to cope and see if there can be a change made in medication. Upping the dosages yourself (such as an SSRI) won't help either, as the post-euphoria crash will only make you feel crappier. Perhaps you can speak to your therapist or counselor on ways to cope healthier without abusing or skipping medication.

There is the Alternates page as well, hopefully this can be of some use. Not everything is going to work for all of us, but there should be at least one or two things in there that might be useful. The other thing you can utilize on TeenHelp is HelpLINK and Live Help. There is absolutely no shame in reaching out, whether that's with your own account or anonymously, to ask for help.

Finally, but not the least, you know where to find me to vent your heart out. <3
   
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