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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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My mother is a hypocrite. - June 21st 2018, 06:31 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Marking this triggering just for certain medical mentions. Also strong language.

I've been blogging about this but didn't feel as if this was substantial enough for a blog entry. As some of you may be aware, my father was hospitalized on Saturday for COPD, Afib, and potential heart failure. He also has pneumonia in one lung. On Saturday we honestly thought he was going to die.

My mom has had no sympathy for him through the entire process, which I understand because he did play a factor in his own illness. Not just the smoking, but because he waited so long to get it checked. He had been having problems for two or three weeks minimum and refused to go to a doctor until it got so bad he had to go to the hospital. She said she isn't going to baby him.

So he was rude to her and she got mad at him and left the hospital today. Honestly, he has been kind of rude and snippy to her through this whole ordeal, so I understand her leaving. She's not even sure if she wants to go see him tomorrow.

She's also saying a lot of why he's still in the hospital is probably psychological, that he's doing it himself because he's scared. That he's doing it either for attention or because he's scared at night because that's when a lot of his breathing issues happened before. And because he's scared at night, he's kind of putting himself into that mindset and affecting his own breathing and relying on oxygen at night because of that. She seems pissy about that because she thinks it means he'll rely on oxygen all the time. But then he texts her all mushy saying he's scared and stuff and suddenly nope, he's not scared at all. That's not it. He just wants to be a jerk she says.

But she's sitting there talking about how he'll probably go back to smoking after he's out of the hospital and make things worse on himself. Which, probably tbh. But WHO IS SHE? I asked her if SHE is going to stop smoking too then, or if she's going to be a hypocrite. Her response? "I don't smoke that much." So I asked why that matters and she said how "I never had cancer, and I don't have heart problems." Does she not realize how fast it CAN be her? And how silent some of these diseases are? Where they won't be symptomatic until it's too late?

So, I'm tired of hearing her bitch about him when she's no better. When she's a hypocrite and liar and can't practice what she preaches. If she has no sympathy for him, I don't want to hear it from her if she gets sick down the line from a smoking-related illness. I'll help her and care for her of course, but if she starts to complain? Don't forget, you did this to yourself mom. She knows what smoking can do because her own husband has all these issues and so does his sister. But she's going to sit there pretending like she's so much better than him. Like this won't happen to her and she's immune. Like it's all his fault and she hasn't enabled him all these years. It's going to hit her hard someday.

My anger switched from my father, to her.

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Re: My mother is a hypocrite. - June 21st 2018, 06:46 AM

Just so you know, your anger is valid.

I know that when my dad got sick I got upset with him because he doesn't take care of himself and I was scared. I also had anger at his partner because he kind of encourages certain behaviors. The anger switched between the two.

I think it can be hard when people are hypocritical. One thing to consider is your mom might be scared. She might be scared by his health problems and what has happened and what could happen. However, instead of showing that she is being hypocritical and showing a lot of anger and not being empathetic. I know I get like that at times to distance myself from my fear. I don't know your mom and I can't say that is why she is doing it but with time she might get less intense over it.

I do hope things start to get better for you all though. Having a sick relative can be difficult. Know that we are here if you need anything.

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Re: My mother is a hypocrite. - June 21st 2018, 01:28 PM

Hi Dez,

I am so sorry about this and I hope that you will be okay soon. Sometimes when a family member ends up going to the hospital for a while, the other family members can feel so many different emotions and may not know what to do. And anger can be one of them and she could have been scared and also seeing him like that. Or she could have been thinking or about other things with him in the hospital. Everyone feels and things different types of things. Now I am not saying that gives her the right to be rude or anything like that. Can you try talking with her about how this is making you feel or could you try writing a letter and put everything in it and then ask to talk at the end of the letter.

Or can you try to get the rest of you're family together and all of you talk with her together. I hope that you will be okay soon. And everything will be alright with you're dad getting better and you're mom also. Try doing something to help pick you up, going for a walk or music or reading or funny movie or anything else that you like to do. Sending you lots of Hugs to help you.

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