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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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Virgil Offline
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Just numb - September 9th 2018, 05:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My mother said I was more like my father than I'd like to admit. My father. My physically abusive, neglectful, manipulative father. The man I've done everything to not be. I let my self-esteem go to hell so that I'd never be as proud and narcissistic as him. I starved myself so I'd never look like him. I've cut, cried, and thrown myself into schoolwork so that I'd never end up like him. And now my mother says that I'm just like him. Words can't express how numb I feel right now. I'm so done with everyone. Honestly, my friends are the only family I've ever been able to rely on, and today once again proved why. I'm not sure I want to be alive tomorrow. I just want to disappear. Somewhere away from here. After all, nothing I do will ever be enough for her. No matter how much I try, no matter how hard I work, she'll always be disappointed. I just want someone to love me for once. Unconditionally, always, without exceptions. I thought that that was how one's parents should be. Apparently not.
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Golfing girl Offline
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Re: Just numb - September 12th 2018, 12:12 PM

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time right now and I hope that you will be okay soon.

When we are born we are all different no matter what. And that is a good thing. Because even people who are twins still like some different things. We can be shy or outgoing or we enjoy reading or sports or drawing and other things too. This is totally fine and we have our likes and dislikes.
When other people start saying you remind me of you're father or whoever it may be, it is not a good feeling to have. Because they want you to be like that person and act like them. But you do not have to act like anyone you can be you and you are an amazing person. If you both like something say it is drawing then that is okay but you don't have to be just like someone else because someone in you're family wants you to be. Everyone likes different types of things and that is fine.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You also said that you are not eating as much and you cut yourself. You want to make sure that you can eat three meals a day so that you can be healthy and strong. Would you be able to get some food that you like to eat and start with that and see how it goes. Then if you want to you can change you're outfit too. You can get different kinds of outfits that you like and you can have you're friends help you too if you want them. You be you, you don't have to be someone else. Okay.

When you are getting the feeling to hurt yourself can you try to get you're mind off of it for a while. Try going for a walk around you're house or putting on some music or a funny movie or try reading or calling a friend. Or can you think of anything that you enjoy doing and try that for a while to help you to be okay.

Would you be able to talk to you're mother and let her know that you do not want to be like anyone else and ask for the two of you to talk about this calmly. Also if you are not able to talk to her you can try writing a letter and put everything in it that is happening and say how it is making you feel too, then at the end of this ask if the two of you can talk about this and not get upset. I hope that you will be okay and the two of you will be able to talk soon and it will be okay for you.

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