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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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I can barely speak my language - January 19th 2020, 09:22 AM

Hello I'm 16 and I was born in Northern Ireland so my first language is English but I can barely speak it because a lot has happened since I was born. So I was born in 2003 and I wasn't born normal I was born with a speech impediment that I still have to this day I can't pronounce particular sounds like r sh ow (hour) and sometimes U as in Slug when I was younger I didn't really make a big deal out of it I thought it wasn't that big of a problem I went to a specialised school where they mainly focused on speech meaning I had speech speech therapy in school. The school was behind the country school system it didn't stick to the circulum so I was behind with everything they taught easy stuff in Math class they taught easy stuff in English class which is one of the reasons why I can't speak my own language that well. I went to that school until I was 13 because my family and I decided to move to Germany and this was when things went downhill a lot. I had to learn German since Germany isn't an English speaking country. I found it very hard to learn German and it was even harder for me than it was for the other pupils because I have a speech impediment so it was super hard to learn the pronunciation I still have problems with it to this day after one year of learning German I seemed to kinda get by in German I could understand a lot of things I could keep a basic conversation going. I failed the German exam in the first year but in Germany there's this thing called halb jahr Which means half year so there's two halves of a school year my teacher was very nice and let me repeat the 2nd half because she knew I had a diffulites learning the language. and at my 2nd attempt I actually passed the exam and I was so happy I thought I was going in the right direction but I was unfortunately wrong because when I went to a normal German class (it was in the same school but they taught more subjects and they stuck to the school system) I didn't really settle in properly I didn't really understand anything because of the language and the subject itself because I didn't do any of that in my old school in Northern Ireland I was really struggling I was struggling so much that I pretended to be sick for a week or two and the reason why I did this was because I was fed up with everything I hated not understanding anything I hated the loud people because I'm not a fan of Loud noises my mental health wasn't the best. After a week of being "sick" I decided to go back and yeah it was almost summer so the school year was coming to an end and everyone was getting their reports/grades and my report card wasn't the best because of the lack of education I had in my previous in school the subject I was the best at was English which wasn't really something to be happy about considering English is my first language okay after that year of school my teachers and parents decided to change schools which was a good idea because that school wasn't the right school for me. So I went to the new school and the good thing was I was getting speech impediment again but outside school. My life was going well again and the school work was so much easier but I only went to that school for 6 mouths because my dad was for a company and their base shut down in the city he was working in so he had to transfer to Berlin we were in Hamburg at the time so we moved to Berlin and this was when things started to go downhill I started to become more aware of my speech impediment I always listened to my voice to hear how awful it was. I don't take speech therapy in Berlin because I want to focus on school and my speech impediment led to anxiety and a bit of depression that I still have my speech impediment has really been affecting me lately and I think about my speech impediment everyday now as I started to improve in German my English started to get worse now I can't even think of the right word sometimes my grammar is bad I don't really know a lot of words that a 16 year old boy should know I find it hard to form sentences I can't even speak German properly in fact I still think my English is still just a tiny bit better than my German but I still speak English like it's a 2nd language I don't want this to happen I want to move back to Northern Ireland where I belong life was so much easier back then I miss it so much If I didn't move to Germany and didn't have a speech impediment I think my life would be so much easier I want to get myself back on track but that will be hard because I'm forced to speak German since I'm in Germany I don't really want to improve and speak German because I want to keep my native language I want it to be my main language I hope I move back to NI when I'm older I found it hard to type this post because I had to think of the right way to say it because my English isn't as good as it used to be which is a shame I wish I was fluent in my own language but my life is falling apart I don't see it getting better anytime soon unless I move back to NI and get speech therapy and the reason why I don't get speech therapy is because it's hard to get it here because it's not an English speaking country
   
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Re: I can barely speak my language - January 19th 2020, 05:14 PM

Hello and welcome to Teenhelp, it is wonderful that you have joined

Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us too. I know that sometimes when we are going through something or we have been through a lot it can be really hard to just open up and talk about this and you did a great job.

I am so sorry about everything that you have been through and I hope that you will be okay soon. Would you be able to try talking to someone about this and let them know that you are having a hard time? Maybe someone in you're family and sit down with them and talk about everything. Or if you are not able to talk to them face to face, then would you be able to try to write a letter to them and put everything in it that you are going through now and what you felt before too. Sometimes our parents and our siblings may not know that something is wrong with us because they are always busy or not able to see us as much because we have school and sports or something else going on. So they may not know that we need help or just want to talk to them. If you can when one of them are home try to talk to them or give them the letter and at the end of this, you can ask if they can talk to you about this.

When you are waiting for them to talk to you try to find something to get you're mind off of this for a while until you are doing okay. For example what do you like or enjoy doing by yourself or with a friend. Going for a walk around you're house, or putting on music or funny TV shows or movies or reading or drawing or writing or painting or calling a friend and meet up with them for pizza or coffee or whatever you like to do and do this for a while until you are doing okay. I hope that you will be okay soon.


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taha16 Offline
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Re: I can barely speak my language - March 2nd 2020, 08:07 AM

I hope it gets better as the days passed.
   
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