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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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*Jen* Offline
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:-( - June 25th 2009, 09:01 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Today I got beaten up. I am just so weak and urgh I hate myself. It just brought back memories. I want to cut and cut. I can't resist these bloody urges anymore. It isn't worth it because I am only going to end up doing it in the end.

My psych finally phoned me today I haven't seen her in nearly 3 months. But I am not bothering. Why should I bother when she doesn't bother? I am meant to be seeing her next week but I am not going I only have like 2 or 3 sessions left with her because I have to finish with her because I will be too old for the service soon. So it isn't an option of getting more sessions. She is going to leave me with no one. No one cares. People just pretend to care and then just walk away and leave me. I have had enough.

End of I am cutting.
   
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i_am_me_again Offline
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Re: :-( - June 25th 2009, 09:56 PM

Hi Jen

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can understand..too an extent.

Whoever beat you up, is weak themselevs, picking on such a wonderful person like yourself.

But because you hate yourself you cant see the good in you....Iv seen your posts, & I wish I could see you, because I, personally, think you are fab.

If you have made up your mind about cutting, please, do it safely. I cant tell you what to do...I can advice you & say things will get better...but if you dont belive me, I cant do much. I can tell you that you are better than any blade or scissors or self harming object at all.

As for your psych, do you not get transfered into adult services? If you think your pysch doesnt do anything then its a good move...ask to be put in adult services.....& if you dont like the psych there, ask for a change.

Proffesionals are here to help, but they do have a lot of people to see, so just because you feel she doesnt bother with you, its not because she doesnt want to see you, its probbaly because she has to see someone else. I do agree though, 3 months is disgraceful. But it takes two to tango & you shouldnt blame yourself or herself.

People do care...honestly...& I would make the last few sessions count, just to show that you want the help, because deep down I think maybe you do want help.

My inbox is always open for a chat

Just take care of yourself, you are one special young lady.

Jamie
xx


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Pour the Teapot Offline
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Re: :-( - June 25th 2009, 11:54 PM

don't cut yourself. think of all the work your body goes through to keep you alive, do you really want to waste that? besides, there are plenty of people here on teenhelp who will always understand, because many of them are going through much the same thing. i'll be here too. message me any time.
   
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*Jen* Offline
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Re: :-( - June 27th 2009, 10:18 PM

Thanks for your replies. They did help. I didn't cut in the end.

But I am not worth it. I deserve the pain.

My psych hasn't mentioned anything about adult services because she thinks I can cope on my own. She actually doesn't care and just expects so much of me. She has been off for the last few months due to personal circumstances. I don't know the reasons and I know it isn't her fault but still she should extend the time with me because she knows that we still have loads we need to talk about. People just walk away and don't give a **** how it leaves you feeling.
   
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