Disappointment (TRIGGER!)

[romantaholic]

This isn't even a rant so much as it is an expression of my disappointment in humanity.

On Saturday I was downtown with one of my friends. It was a glorious day, the sun was shining for the first time in what seemed like YEARS, we had our coffee in one hand, our cigs in another, and we were just enjoying life. It was one of those days, you know? We'd been out the night before and had a blast, slept in until twelve, and were just enjoying the day. And then while we were laughing and gossiping as teenage girls do...we came across a crowd. Of course we were confused. Lindsay and I didn't have a clue what was going on, there was police tape everywhere, people had their cameras out, and everyone was staring out towards where the police were standing and the ambulances. And then I saw it.

Or rather. I saw him.

He was a kid! No more older than I am -- he looked twenty at the most. And he was standing on the ledge of Stephanskirche and just...staring. And when I mean the ledge, I mean LITERALLY on the ledge (right here). And he was just staring. Lindsay and I were silent...what could we say? We were frozen as well. Until I finally remembered the people around me.

With their cameras. Laughing. Taking photos.

Taking fucking photos of this kid standing on the top ledge of Stephanskirche ready to jump! What kind of sick fuck does that? And there were so many of them! And all I could think...looking around at the people around me...thinking about the fact that I was standing among them...all I could think was, "If I was that kid up there and I saw all of us...why on earth wouldn't I jump?" Because honestly...how could that crowd make anyone believe there was anything left to live for in the world when tourists were waiting for you to jump so they could get a photo?

Lindsay and I left. We didn't want to see it -- I'm hoping he didn't jump. There was someone trying to talk him down when we left. And there were still people laughing -- still people taking his photo. We ran into a few other kids from our school and we asked them if they'd seen what was going on. They gave us the appropriate response full of "Oh my God"'s and "Holy shit"'s. But they turned the topic around in a second flat as they asked if we were going to a friends party later that night. Just...what the hell?

Now, days later, I'm still disgusted. Still horrified. Still concerned. Because when I talked to my best friend about this -- when I told him what I was feeling -- he couldn't think of any way to soothe my disappointment. He couldn't think of any way to show me that there was something worth all of this. I'm just so...so fucking disappointed. I'm generally a cheery happy-go-lucky type of person. I turned over a new leaf last year and chose to leave behind my anger and depression (which took months of more anger and depression but here I am always with a smile on my face), and for what?

For this? For people with cameras that they hold up as everyone else falls apart? How is that humanity?

[moyshi239]

This makes me sad. I don't understand those sick people thought it was amusing to take pictures of him. There are alot of people out there who act like this and really just set us all back from progress, unity and respect. Luckily, we've got people out there like you and I who actually care. I hope he is okay.