Today is the worst day of my life. Today is the day I am reminded of everything I ever wanted to be, that I can't be. Today is the day I am told all my faults and punished for them. Today is the day I can see my world falling apart.
I was woken up this morning by my mom screaming at me that I was going to be late for the petsitting job we share. It was 6 AM, way before I thought we had to leave, but I got up anyway because I thought maybe we were going early. So after only 4 hours of sleep due to terrible insomnia I managed to get ready within 5 minutes, only to discover my mom laying down in bed laughing and saying "you're so dumb. Since you're up why don't you make yourself useful for once." Then when I said I expected her to be waiting for me, she totally flipped out. I don't really need to go into details about that "conversation."
A little bit later I was informed that the router would be turned off at night because apparently using it then turns me into a bitch. I am a computer science major with summer classes starting in two days. When is the only time I will have to do my homework, which requires the computer? At night. Furthermore, what is the only way I can ever get to sleep? By reading life stories on my iPod Touch, which requires an internet connection for that particular application.
Finally in an effort to at least make my mom happy about something I did the dishes for her. I'm usually really bad about cleaning the kitchen because I truthfully don't see the logic in washing a plate when all I ate on it was a sandwich and I can use it in an hour when I'm hungry again. But somehow I did them wrong, and was told that if I provided any more "help" like that I could find a new place to live.
I got screamed at for my bad posture, which only last week my chiropractor told my mother I couldn't control myself whatsoever - exactly the reason I see him. I'm going to get it fixed tomorrow, so why scream at me? I know I'm due for an appointment. I got yelled at for being an "animal murderer" - yes, not letting one of our cats that is rapidly gaining weight and needs to be on a diet have a 5th snack in the early afternoon is apparently equivalent to murdering her, thanks so much for clearing that up.
To sum it all up, I can hear the sound of children laughing and playing and having a good time right outside my house. I wish I had soundproof walls. Sounds cruel, doesn't it? But can you blame me for being upset, when they are having fun, and I have never been allowed to participate in such things?
I am three years younger than everyone in my grade level - which is now college, so it doesn't matter quite as much. I have always been at the top of the class - I got out of high school with a 3.95 GPA and it hasn't changed much since then. I was bullied a lot as a child so I'm wary and suspicious when someone reaches a hand out to me for anything. And the only thing I have ever wanted in my life, is to have a group of people - not a big group, but at least 4 people - that I could hang out with and have a good time. But every time I have been in a group it's been made clear to me that I was only invited because they were forced to invite me, and that they don't want me to speak at all because my opinions are unimportant. How many friends do I have? Not many, I can tell you that.
To top it all off, I want to watch fireworks because I love them and it's one of the few days they get shot off. But my parents don't believe in holidays and I'll be grounded if I even celebrate them in the smallest way.
Sorry for the long rant. Just feeling really sorry for myself today. I'm scared to ask if anything else can go wrong...because I already know the answer.
Re: Worst. Day. Ever.... :( -
July 6th 2010, 04:39 AM
If I were you, I would get a new job, save up some money, and move out. To me it sounds like all your problems are connected with living at home with your parents. If you moved out, your life would probably be better. Also, its been proven that insomnia is connected to stress, so being out of your parent's house would probably fix that, make you less stressed, and all around you'll feel better.