Trying to resist

[cardio]

It's not a huge rant, I'm oddly not that upset about it. But he's online right now playing a game and I'm having the hardest time not messaging him, just saying "Hey, I'm doing ok." or whatever. But I know I shouldn't...
I already sent him an e-mail today, just saying that I'm really proud of myself that I'm getting help for anxiety and whatever else and that I'm looking at everything more positively and I'm not better and I know he probably still wants more space but that I really hope he can forgive me soon and we can talk again. I don't know if he'll be annoyed with that or not, but it made me feel better to say everything I wanted to say. And I know I'll be OK if his is annoyed with me for e-mailing him.
But now he's online, right now. It's taking everything not to just say, Hey. I just want to say something, anything... I miss talking to him so much. I'm feeling quite a bit better than I was initially so I just want to tell him a funny story or a joke or mention something cool. I want to laugh with him again, but I don't think he would appreciate me messaging him...
I'm afraid I might cave at some point...
ERG.

But I suppose on the other hand, if I do, nothing life altering is going to happen. I'm sure he wouldn't even get very upset about it, he would just say, hey, I still need more space, I'm sorry. That's reassuring that whatever happens I won't significantly upset myself.

EDIT: Crap, I sent him a message. But it was basically a concise version of the e-mail. And in it I said I know he's not ready to start talking again yet.

[cardio]

He responded, he said it was OK and that he doesn't mind hearing how I am doing every once in a while. And I said let me know when you are ready to be friends again because I am getting help and I can do this. And he said it sounds good.
So basically right now he will e-mail me every once in a while to see how I'm doing and I'll let him know how my appointment(s) go(es). And he used smiley faces. And we're not totally not having contact.
And I cried because it was such a relief that it looks like we will be friends again someday.

So I guess this turned out to be the best part of my day, and I almost didn't do it because I thought it would be a bad decision.