Grr.

[Eldora]

Again with the "Why Me?" board? Honestly, I'm beginning to think it's gonna be forever before I can start posting in the Good Days thing again. Why?

Because my life has been just plain shitty lately.

Take today, for instance. I woke up, and my day started going down, down, down... I got sleepier and sleepier. My friend Savanna had cinnamon gum before first block. I'm extremely allergic to cinnamon, even just the smell of it -- my throat starts feeling funny and I start getting lightheaded. I got sleepier and sleepier. My friend convinced me to do the steel band with her, like I've been wanting to. So I agree.

Fourth block, I end up deciding to back out. I was tired, nervous as hell because I wasn't even sure the man in charge of it needed more people, and also nervous because -- of all things! -- my ex and his new girlfriend and his ex-girlfriend between me and the new girlfriend (who I happen to be friends with) were all in there.... as well as the guy that my ex's new girlfriend still loves, who has a new girlfriend just to spite my ex's girlfriend. Really complicated situation I didn't feel like getting into.

And I didn't get to finish my project.

And I'm starting to feel like a depressed loner person again. Shit.

Well, at least I don't have to deal with the stupid birth control anymore. I'm going off of that shit, thank you very much, whether my mom likes it or not. It's not like I even needed it in the first place, and all it's succeeded in doing is making my life more complicated and giving me one more worry to add to the huge compendium of worries I've got shoved inside my brain every day.


Not to mention that the: "I'm gonna be sitting in a desk the rest of my life, even after I graduate," thing kicked back in, and that just made everything worse and put a cloud over my head for the rest of the day.


And I went to church last night, and the preacher was actually good, and my mom started crying and of course I started crying at seeing my mom crying, and almost went to talk to the preacher, pretty much 'cause I was damned tired, I was tired of being yelled at, and everyone I loved and cared about -- including two of my friends from school -- was crying and amen-ing. Why the hell would I do that? I'm perfectly fine as an unbeliever, thanks. At least in the Christian faith, that is. I don't belong in those sorts of places.

I was even gonna celebrate Samhain in honor of Morrigan this year. And what happens...?


This has not been a good start to the week.