Feel SO stupid

[Magic.]

So, history:
I was with my first boyfriend for about a year and a half. We were like 15, it was all cutesy and lovey, but there was sexual elements of it. We did "stuff" and I lost my V to him. I was crazy about him. Ultimately we broke up because my family went crazy and it made me crazy and understandably at 15/16 wasn't up for that. We got together for a few months about 6 months later, but he didn't want his parents to find out and so we "couldn't tell anyone". I gave him an ultimatum to tell them or nothing could happen. And he didn't. So I met a guy at a party a few months on and we ended up together. My first boyfriend got really angry and upset. He self harmed. He even took pills and ended up in hospital and called me to tell me and that "it wasn't over me". Half my friends stopped talking to me for like 2 years.
Then tonight, several years on I found out from his best friend, he CHEATED on me. Regardless of the time between us and now I am PISSED. His friend said it didn't matter but it did. Hurting him, even though we had clearly split etc, has always been the one thing I regretted in my life. I felt like I had cheated on him, making hm feel the way he did. But he cheated on me. How can he legitimately have made me feel bad after that?? WHAT THE HELL.
Not to mention he dated a friend of mine after, cheated on her with another girl, then broke up with her for someone else. He didn't speak to me for years but recently started talking about how we should hook up when we're both home seeing as we never properly slept together. Etc etc.
I actually am so mad about this. I can't believe I've spent years feeling awful for what I supposedly did to him, when he cheated on me.

[koran1]

darling you have the right to be angry, but really take a step back and look at the bigger picture. you were both much younger, and supposedly, us boys are more "immature" than the ladies. so he probably regrets deep down for lying and making you feel bad for nothing. but you carried on with your life back then and moved on, so whats stopping you now from moving on? yh your pissed, but so what, thats the passed, its gone, youve learnt. and you know to stay away from this boy coz hes trouble. unless you want heartache and headache, stay away from him. dont hold a grudge, if anything you should feel more relieved. good luck

[Magic.]

I know it was long ago, so long ago. I don't feel hurt, or heartbroken or betrayed and all those things we're meant to feel when someone cheats. But I put myself through hell over what happened with the pills etc. For so long all our friends blamed me for that and I did too. And maybe I was the cause of it, but I don't see how he could have made me feel like that knowing he'd cheated.
I sent him a message, nothing agressive or wordy or whatever. Just said "Good to hear you cheated on me, then had the ordacity to make me feel so bad about the J*** thing. Smooth." He said he had no idea what I was talking about and some flirty comment. I find that hard to believe though seeing as SO many people seemed to know about it. All I said was "yeah I'm pissed, I just got told something about J**." And everytime they instantly knew what I'd been told.
I guess I just want the truth. Good or bad. As a girl we're dumb and emotional like that :P but seriously like I said it's more about the thing that happened after, the cheating I don't really care about.

[Houseman]

It always sucks to find news that way and it's never easy, but I'm afraid the only thing left for you to do is to get over it, he's obviously not worth all the thought you are giving him.

On a separate note, I think it's important that you don't blame yourself. Before you knew he cheated on you, you felt bad because he tried to hurt himself and you believed it was your fault, right? I don't want this to sound callous, but no one tries to off themselves because their high school GF of fewer than 2 years broke up with them. He must have had deeper rooted issues he was dealing with, and even if he didn't (highly doubtful) you can't put that sort of responsibility on yourself, it's not fair. If you hold yourself to that sort of accountability you'll grow tired of worrying about people, and the stress that comes with it, until you realize you're tired of loving, and what kind of world is that?