Rant Time.

[broken_]

I want out. What happened to being thirteen? Everything was so amazing then. I had the world in my hands and I didnt even realize. My parents were divorced but I'd never considered that a huge problem. Then two days after my birthday everything started falling apart. My mom confronted me and my brother and told us she had breast cancer. Weeks and Months were spent living with my dad because my mom was hospitalized. My dad got violent. He never hit but I could see the look in his eyes. It killed me. He was my best friend. not anymore. I will never be the daughter he wants me to be. Brother gets verbally abusive. Calls me a whore, asshole, you name it. Mom finally gets out of hospital. All we do is fight. Always comparing me to other people. "Amber is more athletic... Emma has a great relationship with her mom.. Isnt Asha so pretty?'' She runs out of the room crying after a big fight. She says "I upset you. Im a terrible mother. I should go die. You should just live with your dad ull time." Cant she understand that she's not the problem? Its everything!Cant she see the scars on my arms? Why do you only care about Mike! He's not the only sensitive one here, mom... Soon there wont be anything left of me.. Im slowly sinking into a pit of depression.. I'll be dead...Then maybe you'll all finally be happy.

rant over. Sorry for freaking out. Its just everything thats been bottled up for the past year.

[leavemealone]

The problem is that everyone in your family right now is put under so much pressure and stress all at the same time, that you all just exploded. Everyone, not just you, is feeling the effects and is feeling like everything is put onto their shoulders. Your father is probably just acting like this because hes nervous about what would happen if your mother died and how he would be able to support his kids. He probably feels like he wouldn't be up to the challenge and he would fail. Ask him for the two of you to go out to dinner and talk about things that are bothering you both. With your brother, you just have to ignore his hurtful words. Brothers say mean things all the time. Sometimes its more severe than it should be, but that is just because if hes the oldest, he feels like he should protect you somehow. But he cant. Nobody right now can control anything unless someone speaks out. As for your mother...I'm most worried about her. Shes the one with the illnesses and she probably feels as though everything is her fault and that if she never got sick, your family wouldn't be broken right now. Shes saying that stuff to you (appearance, intelligence, etc...) because she feels as though if she never got sick you would be in a better place right now instead of always hurt and upset at the world. Calmly talk to her about this. You may not be the only depressed one in the family right now, but you have the strength to fix the problems before they get out of hand. Stay strong hun, and I hope that things perk up for you PM me if you ever need to talk.