Non-PG13 (Strong Language): A generic rant about betrayal.

[FlickerWick]

Alright, I joined this site with the intention of helping others so I'll try not to make too many more threads.

In short, I'm feeling really down today. This is because I can't get this one person out of my mind - we were never romantically involved, we were just strictly very close friends. She'd trust me with everything. Literally everything - even very sensitive issues that she wouldn't trust her boyfriend with. I could trust her as well. She was the first person that I could ever TRULY open up to. She helped me through my depression and I'll always, always be thankful for that, even if she probably doesn't remember me with nearly the same fondness.

Why wouldn't she? I went behind her back, basically. Her boyfriend and her had just split up and her boyfriend was also my friend. I think he might've been jealous that I was closer to his girlfriend of 13 months than he was but that's beside the point. Anyway, one night, I had him and two other mates over. We ended up playing this game in the wee hours where we'd swap phones and text people and at the time, I stupidly thought it'd be funny to text her from her BF's phone (they'd just split) saying 'I'm sorry' (literally just that). Little did I know it'd have such an effect as she asked me if I sent it the following day and undersstandably went ape shit. I tried to apologise multiple times but it just didn't work.

'You don't know what you're missing until it's gone' - there's some serious trutyh in that.

Anyway, it's now been 6 months since that happened, I moved schools, and we last spoke. I'm still missing her to a massive degree, but I'm not depressed over her. It's more a case of kicking myself for being such a fucking idiot. With hindisght, I probably loved/love her (not in a romantic way). Guess it's too late for that though. I've lost the person who's been the closest anybody ever has to me and that really sucks.

I still think about her most days. I don't think I'll ever get over it but that's the consequence of my actions.

Sorry guys, I just felt like letting some steam off. If you want to replt that's cool but I'm not really expecting much! Thank you very much if you took your time to read this.

[Nicole!]

Welcome to TeenHelp! You're welcome to make as many threads as you wish, we all need some advice at times
I moved this over to the Why Me? forum because you weren't necessarily asking for advice.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Did you ever try speaking to her after this happened? It doesn't seem like something big enough to destroy a friendship in my opinion. She may not still be mad about it to this day.
The thing is, sometimes these things happen, but whats important is that you learn from it. Now you know to always think about your actions and don't get into someone else's breakup.

[FlickerWick]

Thank you for moving it.

As for getting into break ups, I wasn't interfering per say. I was helping her through it a lot when it first happened so I could've been seen by her as a support pillar I suppose. To have that taken away (from her point of view), I can imagine it's be quite painful.

I'll try and get in contact with her again, that's a good idea. Heck, even if it means being able to chat on a civil level I'd be happy.

EDIT: With second sight, I'll probably just leave her alone. As much as it pains me, we've moved our separate ways and I think it should stay like that. With a personality like hers I'm sure she'll be utterly fine, so knowing that's good enough for me. I'm not sure about what she's thinking but I'll always remember her.