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  (#1281 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 20th 2011, 05:10 AM

I don't want to be in a realtionship for years from now I'm tired of waiting for mr. prince or princess charming to come along find me

I wish that I had a friend who was going through the exact thing that I'm going through because it breaks my heart to know that off of the internet I am alone when it comes to me being transgender at my school. Even though their is one friend talking to her about it too much make me think that she'll get annoyed with me even though she's totally cool about it right now.


my name is implusive, stubborn as a mule, funny, awesome, risk taker, random, dude whats yours?
  (#1282 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 20th 2011, 01:33 PM

I touched my best friend up under the table at the pub the other day. He has a girlfriend. I want to sleep with him, but I don't want to ruin his relationship.

I haven't stopped drinking or cutting myself like I said I had.

I want to be anorexic. I never want to eat again. I've lost 10% of my body weight so far this year and I'm not planning on stopping until they send me to hospital. I've been using laxatives&making myself vomit.

I want people to worry about me.
  (#1283 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 01:21 AM

He tells me we're best friends, and I always jokingly deny it.
The truth is though, I'm not joking.
We can't be. Not after everything. It's just not sincere.


A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
  (#1284 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 03:00 AM

I don't believe in love. At least, not for me.
  (#1285 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 03:06 AM

I have to agree with Cheyenne on hers.

I really don't love myself as much as I say I do. I reality, I hate myself.

I can't see myself ever truly being happy. Everytime I try, I fail. I have the magical ability to ruin everything good in my life.


Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
~Emily Dickinson
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  (#1286 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 06:07 AM

If I could wake up at 2am, or still be awake cause of my insomnia and be able to make as much noise as I feel neccesary or get something to eat or just not be confined to one room, my life would feel atleast 50% happier.

Oh, to *day*dream... (cause I sure as hell ain't dreamin' at night...)


-Let the Music Play-
"There's no way to explain why life is filled with so much pain. But do the flowers ever grow in the places it don't rain?"

"But the unfortunate truth is that, while being different from everyone else can be exciting at first, ultimately it can get a little lonely."

"The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no further."
  (#1287 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 07:12 AM

My 11 year old cousin watched Katy Perry's 'Firework' music video the other day...

She told my dad the following morning that she got grossed out when the two guys kissed. I'm horrified to think that between her religious school, parents, and society.. She won't accept me one day... I know she loves me now, but will she in 5-7 years when she finds out the real me?

Callie, I'm sorry in advance for being some kind of monster like everyone depicts "our kind" to be. I love you, and I always will. You knowing the truth doesn't change me, or how much I love you.

Innocence is a beautifully awful thing.


February 14th, 2009;
The day I set my heart free, forever.


3.17.10
7.17.10
7.27.11
7.29.11
  (#1288 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 07:52 AM

I cried at the end of the movie when Rommel died.

I salute you and your comrades in arms!


I am sick of not being able to tell my best friend that I love her with all my heart.


Space Flight Awards

Geosynchronous Orbit (Kerbin)
Manned Capsule and return (Kerbin)
Space Station and Docking (Kerbin)
Equatorial/Polar Probe (Mun)
Landing Resulting in the Loss of a Kerbanaut (Mun)
  (#1289 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 12:02 PM

I've made a lot of mistakes and sometimes I pretend to be someone i'm not because I hate myself so much.
I think I used to be or still am a compulsive liar. And a lot of the time I lie about things on my mind or purposely get into fights with people I love....I have no idea why
  (#1290 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 12:22 PM

I don't even know why I'm friends to a lot of people, they just annoy me.


"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
  (#1291 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 08:20 PM

I think my boyfriends gay.

You really scared me.

Its complicated, and I can't tell you why I do somethings. Just know its for the best.

I'm sorry I blew you off at the last minute. But my best friend told me he was thinking of killing himself and I needed to talk to him.
  (#1292 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 09:43 PM

Why does he feel the need to control me?
She is trying to control us.
He doesn't love me.
I wish I was skinnyer.
I wish I still lived with my parents. At least I'd still have a life.





  (#1293 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 23rd 2011, 10:02 PM

I hate you for what youve done, youre immature, it really is that simple. I won't let you see what you've done to me
  (#1294 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 26th 2011, 05:28 AM

i almost think im kinda shallow sometimes


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
  (#1295 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 29th 2011, 07:35 PM

Sometimes... I wonder why... Why I even decide to go through with this... Why do I continue to push my through all of this and through all of the bad days... :/
I need to continue to remind myself that you're worth it. You're what I want, and even though there are bad days, all the good days make up for it. You're worth it.
But then again... Somedays... I feel like you wish you never met me...

Last edited by facade; January 29th 2011 at 08:46 PM.
  (#1296 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 31st 2011, 11:28 PM

I would date someone I didn't like just to have a boyfriend...





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


  (#1297 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 31st 2011, 11:49 PM

I have a crush on my bio teacher heh .

I hate what I've become

I can't stand me

I hate my brother (He's hell)

I am not a good friend

I am a piece of fat shit!!!!!!

I'm a faliure at life

I hate me..


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

'A dream is what you desire if anything and everything is possible.'
  (#1298 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 2nd 2011, 07:19 PM

i just wish they'd stop copying my look and stuff and leave me and my boyfriend alone




Darlin' don't leave me out here in the cold
I'm begging you baby don't leave me out here on my own I'll die, If you don't hold me tight Tonight, I couldn't make it outside If I tried, So please let me in lover,
Be kind ♥
  (#1299 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 8th 2011, 12:36 AM

"Learning that just cause they call themselves friends doesn't mean they'll call."


-Let the Music Play-
"There's no way to explain why life is filled with so much pain. But do the flowers ever grow in the places it don't rain?"

"But the unfortunate truth is that, while being different from everyone else can be exciting at first, ultimately it can get a little lonely."

"The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no further."
  (#1300 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 12th 2011, 01:32 PM

I Wish she'd stop thinking everything i write is about her because it actully isn't. Stop trying to flatter yourself. I have a lot better things to do than to talk about you, stop trying to cause trouble and playing fucking innocent.


your boyfriend flirted with me two new years eve ago, and you still beleive his lies.





  (#1301 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 13th 2011, 12:43 AM

Note to self:
You're never going to be the person you wish you were.


So I will find my fears and face them
I will cower like a dog
I will kick and scream
I will kneel and plead
I'll fight like hell to hide that I'm givin' up
Another Travelin' Song ||| Bright Eyes
  (#1302 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 16th 2011, 02:54 AM

My sister got pregnant around the same time I did. She had her beautiful baby boy...I had an abortion.
It's going to be so difficult to see her son. I am so excited, but so scared.I can already feel the lump in my throat.


Colours De Moi


  (#1303 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 17th 2011, 02:15 AM

Not the dirtiest of secrets, but:

--I want to be a person again. Not a wallowing, pathetic, non-thinking, so-depressive-I-can't-____, regressive failure.

--I am failing English. (I won't mention that I got 800s on the reading and writing sections of the SAT- I need to let go of that)

--I felt happy today for the first time in months. That's only a secret because I've no friends to tell.

--I cut (not even- scratch?) and then wear short sleeves (well, after a few days, once the initial redness fades) or am careless with my sleeves. I don't want attention from my parents- I want a few specific people at school (mostly teachers) to know that I am not well and this is not my natural state and the corollary to all of this is that if I WERE a person I'd be different and maybe you'd like me. I also just want to communicate with the universe and if body modification is the way I like best to do so (or the only way I feel like I can do so at this moment in my life), then this is what I'm doing. I don't feel bad about it. It doesn't feel immature. It's not positive, but it's at least neutral. (And I'm sure no one has noticed the scratches, anyway).

--I forget. But I've been remembering my childhood more over the past 24 hours (because reading old report cards made certain memories flood to my consciousness) and I'm glad about that.

--I really need to stop reading reviews about music (and books) before I decide what to get. For a mature, real person, it's a sensible part of the process of getting stuff. But I don't have enough of a sense of what I like so I do the absurd thing: I try to determine whether or not I should like certain things. This isn't fuckery I will indulge.

--I'm going to try to be okay with how bad I am at life, and how unoriginal I'm doomed to seem (and be), and how unintelligent I've been so far. Trying is important and I will never try if I remain consumed by what a waste of resources I am (so far). Just because I've failed whenever I tried to improve in the past doesn't mean it'll happen again. It doesn't. History actually never repeats itself; don't decontextualize. It's different this time.

--If I accomplish nothing for the rest of the school year except (passing English and) feeling like he and I are friends or could be friends, I'll feel successful. If I, at any point, make his life any easier or contribute to his happiness in any small way, it'll have been worth it. And by "it" I mean everything I've done in the past two years. (Now... if only I knew how to approach this idea...)

Oh my Spring, let's submit the post before it grows again.


  (#1304 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 17th 2011, 03:45 AM

I used to cut, but only 2 people know and because of them.. I've stopped.

But I started because of one of them.

I lost my best friend in the world, how? Because she started sleeping with her "step" brother. Now she won't even give me the time of day.



I'm secretly in love with my guy best friend.. even though I have a boyfriend that loves me alot, and I love him. But i'm scared I will never love him as much as I do my guy best friend.
He's the reason I started cutting, and part of the reason I stopped.







A beautiful thing is never perfect.

  (#1305 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 20th 2011, 03:31 AM

its easier to forgive you than hate you but i'd still rather hate you






it's safer


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
  (#1306 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 20th 2011, 05:10 AM

I withdrew from college because I was afraid that my parents were wasting money sending me there.
  (#1307 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 20th 2011, 09:55 AM

I know my best friend self harms and has an eating disorder. Yet I do nothing to help her. And...I think I'm falling for her.... help me ;(

My bulimia is my own fault. I started off pro-ana...now I wish I could turn back the clock and not buy the magazine that started it all...

I only started self harming after I found out my friend did.

I do my own tattoo's and peircings...and hope something will go so wrong that I will die.

I tried drowning myself last year...
  (#1308 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 22nd 2011, 12:36 AM

I wish my closest friends would do something to show me that they actually care about my life. I always want to know about their lives, so why is it that they never seem to want to know about mine?


A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
  (#1309 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 25th 2011, 04:37 AM

I wish somebody cared enough about me to see through the lies i tell everyday to everybody. Only one person knows the true me and that's because she's just like me.


Love Is All You Need In Your Life And Love Knows No Gender, Race, Religion, Or Age.
  (#1310 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - February 26th 2011, 07:17 AM

I always wished I could be one of those girls, who would meet someone, and just like them, for ages, and they'd be all I thought about. I used to be jealous of the girls who found someone to like, even if they didn't like them back. I was jealous.
So guess what happened?
I got my wish. There's a guy. I like him.

I think he knows. He doesn't like me back. Now I think everythings ruined and I've made it all weird. I'm one of those girls I used to wish I was. I'm f***ing stupid.


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

[♥]
  (#1311 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - March 13th 2011, 03:01 AM

i like him, and he likes me.
things are going pretty well so far. (:

but if they don't work out,
i have no problem going for his best friend. (;


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
  (#1312 (permalink)) Old
AmazonQueen Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - March 13th 2011, 04:28 AM

I don't feel like anything really happened.
I feel like i did before i was with matt.
It doesn't feel real, and I don't know why (I'm also lying to myself about not knowing why)
I'm lonely and I want to feel loved but I don't feel I deserve to have a real partner now.
I don't think I'm girlfriend material for any real guys they never like me and I like being distant to much to get to know people. I don't feel i have the right to have a boyfriend or the the privilage
I feel like a nobody


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
  (#1313 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - March 17th 2011, 03:32 AM

I don't like talking.
I'll tell my secrets one day, I hope.


A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
  (#1314 (permalink)) Old
you'rebeautiful Offline
believe it :)
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - March 23rd 2011, 03:32 AM

These past two months... I haven't been able to stop crying.
Didn't know that I could expend so many tears for no damned reason.
I'm ashamed of myself. I'm slacking. And I've become really depressed.
I need a friend and while I have no shortage, reaching out hurts like hell somehow, and I don't know where to start.







I believe thatyou're inherently beautiful : )




  (#1315 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - March 23rd 2011, 03:53 AM

- There is something I'm not telling you. But its for a good reason.
- I still act differently then I feel around my friends
- I still miss you... sorta


And here you are living, despite it all.
Lead Moderator | Disputes Committee | HelpLINK Mentor
  (#1316 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - March 23rd 2011, 11:48 PM

Well this sounds fun:

-I'm not just attracted to girls, and only one other person knows.

-I go out of my way to help people so that I can feel like I have some worth.
  (#1317 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - March 26th 2011, 04:33 AM

I've pictured kissing you in my mind at least a hundred times. (;


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
  (#1318 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - March 31st 2011, 04:40 AM

x I have the hugest crush on my best friend...who is also a girl, but straight :/
x Criminal Minds is my largest obsession.
x I think it was so hard for me to decide what to do with my life, because I always thought I'd end up taking my own life years ago.
x I haven't self-harmed since the 10th of March, but I want to break the twenty day streak so much.
x I'm so scared to get treatment because I don't want to be diagnosed with all the things I'm pretty sure I have.


Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.
-Les Miserables
  (#1319 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - April 2nd 2011, 12:17 PM

"If you never try, you'll never know just what you're worth." I'm afraid to know...


-Let the Music Play-
"There's no way to explain why life is filled with so much pain. But do the flowers ever grow in the places it don't rain?"

"But the unfortunate truth is that, while being different from everyone else can be exciting at first, ultimately it can get a little lonely."

"The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no further."
  (#1320 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - April 2nd 2011, 04:20 PM

I looked forward to my onstage kiss today


Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
...
...
Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
Things are not always what they seem.
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