Say something you wish you could say to their face.

I wish you'd chosen to come with me.

I don't know what I'm doing. I pretend I do but I don't. I suck at life. I try to be a therapist when I'm fucked up inside. I'm sorry.

I sometimes wonder why are we sisters???

[Kate*]

So basically, I'm supposed to wonder what I need you for, convince you that I need something other than what you think I need and be nice to people who have completely screwed me over because society says so?! And are we even going to deal with the thing it all stems from? No? Awesome! You don't decide how easy or hard something is, will be, or should be for me, I do, because you're only assuming, I know!

I can't tell if you think I should be able to do it, or just that they should've let me down easier than they did and done it all differently.

I followed my dreams and got completely decimated for no reason other than your ableist prejudice and the disgusting ways you choose to enforce it. You are responsible for my damage whether you want to admit it or not. And I know you don't because your decades-long history of victim blaming the people you destroy won't let you. Whatever helps you sleep at night I suppose. I'll let God and karma have the final say. For the record, appropriate or not, I regret NOTHING about standing up to you. You deserved it and no one else will. I hope my story haunts you until you remember the training you bragged about so arrogantly yo degrnf your despicable behavior and start treating the future of your profession like human beings. If you don't, the mental health field will become nothing more than a large group of "qualified" victim blamers and you'll never take responsibility for causing it. Don't like the completely false and threatening generalization? Neither did I. Lucky for you, I don't have the power to return your "favor" of breaking me and ruining my life without ever owning my part in putting you there!

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Stupid cats, jumped onto my breakfast. Awwwww. Now I have to make now breakfast, I can't tell mom and dad. Awwwww.

[Calaer]

I love you, and I want to support you, and help you, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to do that when you're treating me the way you are.

[Skyline]

this song makes me think about moments we’ve had together and i have this intense fear/apprehension that we’re never going to experience that together again.

I know I said that 8 months of only seeing each other briefly on the weekends is fine, but I’m realising that if we DO make it through this – which i’m certain we can – that maybe these 8 months will become basically forever. I just can’t help but be aware that people who do medical studies have VERY little time to spend with their loved ones, and often even once their studies are over they’ll go into a professional life which is just as intense and doesn’t leave much space for a personal life. Obviosuly by thinking about this I’m getting ahead of myself, because we’ve only been together for six months and I’m acting as if we could be together forever. I guess I do want to be with you forever though.


As I know you, you’re a very open-minded, relaxed, understanding person who lives in the present and doesn’t take anything too seriously. I know that I would love to spend my life with that person; but I’m scared that over these next few months you’ll change and become someone who prioritises work over social life, who doesn’t “take it easy” anymore, who doesn’t have the time or patience to go off on spontaneous trips into the mountains… and that would just crush me.



On a less selfish note, I’m also genuinely worried for your well-being. I feel like the environment you’ve chosen to throw yourself into is maybe incompatible with your way of being and that you’ll become depressed or have some kind of breakdown. I just hope you’re able to stay yourself in this environment and that you can be genuinely happy and fulfilled.



Honestly there is this part of me deep down which I hate but which is nonetheless part of me, which wants you to fail this course, which wants me to fail my course (which I’m also having apprehensions about), and which wants us to just go travelling for a year or two, to live like nomads. It wants us to live day by day and have no priorities other than finding where we’ll sleep that night, it wants us to be fusional, it wants us to live adventurously but live together, it wants us to meet new people on the road and become wise and knowledgeable about the world.


I am just so scared that you will choose a path which doesn’t leave you space for me.

But I can’t tell you this, at least not now, because to do so would be selfish and I can’t say that I love you whilst disregarding your passion.

Just please, please have time for me. It would kill me if you didn't.

I don't know what to do.

[Calaer]

I wish you were more involved with our family.

I need everything to be ok today!

[Calaer]

I wish that you would stop doing this to me. You know what I'm going to do, and you still ignore me, and then try and make me feel bad about it later.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I don't get it yet, but I will soon!!!

I just want you to be my sister!!!!

[Calaer]

I understand that it's been 20 years since you've last had a small child under your care, but I wish you were a little more understanding to what I have to do as a mother with Ava. You get so upset about stuff and it makes me angry.

I love you but I'm really sick of having to come over and have you here. Why can't I have time with mum and dad to myself?!

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm a little scared to go, but I will do my best to have fun on everything. I don't mean to be scared.

Not sure what is going on with me!!

[Calaer]

I love you, but I don't love how you treat me. It's exhausting sometimes.

Please stop the yelling!!! It's too much.

[Kate*]

I'm doing what you're asking, but if you don't answer me in a reasonable timeframe, we don't have an appointment. And if you end up leaving me alone, then do be it. That's what I want anyway.

[Storyteller.]

I don't owe you an explanation.

[Calaer]

I love you, and I can't wait to spend time with you. It's been too long.

[Kate*]

I am SO glad I DON'T have to deal with you. There is absolutely no way I would have the patience for it.

If other people can do it, I probably can too, especially now that I'm medicated and my anxiety is manageable. That would mean that, as I suspected, you ruined my life for no reason other than your ableist ideals and the stress YOU put me under because of them. Good job!

There, we're meeting at work after I've done 3 shifts in a row and worked all weekend, happy now?!

I've apparently pissed off you 13 people by reminding you what free speech really means, and I don't care.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

My whole body hurts!! You will not get it!!

[Starseeker]

And now I only want you, now everybody else seems so... average. Not important. Fuck... I know asking whether it would be better if nothing of this had happened is cruel, but... did I really need this?

[Calaer]

I wished we never had to know you. I wish you would have left when we were little and would have stayed gone. Our lives would have been a lot better if you would have.

[Starseeker]

I've been waiting for someone exactly like that and when I met this person life obviously had to fuck it up. It's all just messed up and I don't wanna live.

I don't want to miss you but I don't want to forget you. I want to change the course of my life, tweak fate so I can see you someday.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Why do I still get jealous when I see you all playing golf!!!! I don't mean to. I just miss playing the game with my and and all of you. It's like part of me is missing now. And I wish I could say this to all of you. But I can't.

Why do we fight?

You all make me feel miserable. I already went through high school, I graduated twelve years ago. I put the immaturity, drama, gossip, and all that behind me when I secluded myself to that message board & befriended someone. Why don't you guys just grow up?

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm having a terrible day at school!!!!!

[Calaer]

I wish you were more concerned about what's going on, but I guess you can't help someone who refuses to help themselves.

[Starseeker]

I've got so much to tell you, but I can't, because I don't want to annoy you. I can see you don't want to bring that up... the question is - why...?
I'd like to ask you if you felt anything at any time. Or maybe you were just playing? Was it fun for you? I don't wanna think that. I wanna believe that you told me the truth, but I've got a few reasons to think it wasn't entirely the truth. Maybe it was just a lie. I don't know. I probably won't know.
Then... you'll find someone in a matter of weeks. Maybe months. Will you tell them all the things you told me? Including those words that made me sad, sick, deeper into depression?
I'm sometimes told I'm pretty. Very well. I'm not extremely ugly. But in my new school and environment there are going to be HUNDREDS of girls that are smarter, more outgoing, more interesting and have a similar or better body than I do. And... well, they don't cut. They're not depressed. Who'd like a depressed girl? It must've put you away, you convinced me otherwise, but it's hard for me to believe that.
And yes, I was skeptical at the beginning. Remember what I asked you on that Friday? Maybe Saturday... it doesn't matter. You remember that for sure, you seemed insulted after that question. With all you said and all you did I gradually started to believe it may all actually work out.
To cut a long story short - I fucking engaged in it with all my heart.
That's when you decided it was wrong. It was on the night when I made a wish about us to a shooting star. Fucking irony.
And you left me here, alone, with all the challenges I will have to face in September and following months. Should I blame you? Maybe I should blame myself? Or maybe the stars, the gods, whatever is up there?
Perhaps I'll never know...

[Kate*]

I know why people say that and now so do I. How am I supposed to know what I haven't been told?!

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

My lower back hurts a lot and I'm not sure how I can keep dancing and not have others know about it. I don't know what to do.

I am perfectly aware that drinking so much coffee contributes to my ever-present feeling of nausea, but no one makes you eat when you feel nauseous so I will continue drinking this much coffee.

It's gotten to the point that even going to Mass is hard because of the Eucharist. I want to receive Him because I believe it is Him, but it's so hard. Why did He have to choose bread to transubstatiate?

[Kate*]

I know,I'm supposed to "own" stuff, but considering that I don't have a locker, can't get my schedule, potentially have at least 3 managers, and now can't find any of them or a computer to save my life, if you want me to do training crap badly enough, you can let me know.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I don't know how to tell you that my lower back hurts so much. And I don't know how I am going to dance tomorrow. I don't know how I can do this hurting like this. I don't know how to tell everyone about this.

I don't know what to do about this.