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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tigerlily. Offline
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If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 02:42 AM

I saw a thread like this a while back and even posted on it, I loved the idea but it's gotten lost to who knows where. So I want to start one up again and the reason why is I was on youtube and came across a bunch of these type of videos. So I made one too. Instead of writing down everything I'm linking to my video but you can write it all down or link to a video if you want to.

My "If You Really Knew Me..."


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 03:00 AM

I have a horrible speaking voice, so I'm gonna write mine out.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I value being interesting over anything else.
If you really knew me, you'd know I treat my parents like my best friends and that it isn't really a good thing.
If you really knew me, you'd understand that I have little to no reasoning behind most of the things I do.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 03:10 AM

I don't have a camera unfortunately and I probably wouldn't feel comfortable doing that so I'll write mine out.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I have trust issues. You'd know that they stem off of years of abuse and mistreatment from my parents and from some other people along the way. You'd know that I was molested by my best friend's brother when I was just 10 years old. You'd also know that he raped me just a week later. If you really knew me you'd know that I was diagnosed with clinical depression and post traumatic stress disorder in July 2009 after my abusive boyfriend told my dad that I was self-harming and that I got raped. If you really knew me, you'd know that that boyfriend raped me himself and he never used a condom. You'd know that I had a miscarriage and I honor my angel everyday. You'd know that I suffer from binge eating disorder. You'd also know that I'm 8 weeks self-harm free today. That I'm finding hope within making friends and helping others here on TeenHelp. You'd know that I'm a strong believer in hope and that I'm a strong believer in making things positive. You'd know that I'm genuinely a caring person and I don't want anyone to be alone while they go through things; like I was. You'd know that this is just the jist of what's gone on with me and there's so much more to this story.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 04:40 AM

Yeah,
I'm gonna write mine out.

If you really knew me you'd know: I'm insecure, I can't take a compliment, I'm shy unless I know you, I love my hats, softball and music are really the only things I care about, I have a few people I actually talk to, I have more friends online than in life, I really love quotes, I love to read, you'd know that I have trust issues, I write or read all the time, I can't go a day without music..

If you really knew me you'd know I'm not as happy as I seem.



A beautiful thing is never perfect.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 05:19 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know that I choose my friends wisely. You'd know the crap I've gone through over the years & you would know that I don't give out my trust as easily as I used to. If you really knew me, you'd know that although I can be blunt at times, I'm a very shy girl who likes to keep to herself & avoid drama. You would know that I hate being put on the spot, even if it's for a good thing, because I was bullied up until high school & I don't want to give anyone a reason to do it again. If you really knew me, you would know that sometimes I care too much & I try to help when I can, but it kills me when I can't do much. You would know that although I love my boyfriend very much & I know he loves me, he doesn't always treat me as kindly as he should. You would know that I've spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because I thought I was worthless, ugly, & hated. You would know how much pain I've been in & how much stronger it's made me. If you really knew me, you'd know I could not live without music & reading. You would know I'm paranoid about everything, ranging from fiances, to getting my car stolen, to wondering if people are talking about me. If you really knew me, you would know that I used to draw a ton, but stopped because of the bullying. You would know I've quit a lot of things my parents claim I was very talented at, due to the bullying & trying to fit in with others. If you really knew me, you would know that although I don't care to conform & give in to peer pressure anymore, I try my best not to stand out. If you really knew me, you would know I'm one of a kind & even though I've gone through a lot, I'm glad to be me.
   
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 05:44 AM

If you really knew me, you would know that I've made some terrible choices in my life and that I continue to make them. If you really knew me, you would know that I have been emotionally abused by my parents since I was 13. If you really knew me, you would know that I can't remember anything specific before that time -- the memories are all vague. If you really knew me, you would know that I've always had issues with lying. If you really knew me, you would know that my self-confidence is completely fake and I find myself absolutely repulsing. If you really knew me, you would know that I feel unworthy of love and believe the people that are nice to me only stick around out of pity. If you really knew me, you would know that the person I am in public is completely different from the person I really am because I'm afraid of getting hurt. If you really knew me, you would know that I guard my emotions constantly and you would know how to tell when the smiles were fake. If you really knew me, you would know that I truly believe that I deserve to die, but that I would never have the courage to try to kill myself. If you really knew me, you would know that I don't have any love in my heart for 90% of my family. If you really knew me, you would know that I'm a disgusting whore who had her first boyfriend at 14 -- he was 19; you would also know that I did way more with him than any 14 year old ever should have. If you really knew me, you would know that I've been in 12 relationships and many more flings with people whose names I can't remember in the past 4 years. If you really knew me, you would know that I had a short time where I believed I was a lesbian. If you really knew me, you would know that I've been in love with the same guy for 2 years and I would do anything to make him happy. If you really knew me, you would know that I can't diet because it always turns unhealthy. If you really knew me, you would know that I would do just about anything for the people that I consider my support system. If you really knew me, you would know that there is some small part of me that still has hope . . that there is some small part of me that is confident that I will get better. If you really knew me, you would know that I'm still trying to get stronger day after day.


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foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 06:14 AM

If you really knew me, you would know that even though you do.. I don't trust you. I don't trust anyone.
If you really knew me... you would know that inside I don't like myself at all. I hate myself. But, I truly don't want to be like that anymore.
If you really knew me... you would know that I used to cut myself. Excessively. It was the only escape that I had.
If you really knew me... you would know that I tried to kill myself, repeatedly. And, on October 16th, 2011... I almost died. But, got a second chance.
If you really knew me... you would know that now, I'm scared to die. I don't wanna even come close to it ever again.
If you really knew me... you would know that I sincerely HATE cops. They don't do anything. At all. -___- (Some are ok.)
If you really knew me.. you would know that I've been through so much that I matured when I should've been playing with barbies and not having a care in the world.
If you really knew me... you would know that I've been bullied most of my 14 years. Whether it have been by my parents or by my peers.
If you really knew me... you would know that I STRONGLY dislike my father. And, you would know and understand what he's put me through.
If you really knew me.. you would know that I was in a physical, emotional, and sexually abusive relationship about a few months ago. And, I didn't even see it.
If you really knew me.. you would know that I'm attacted to both genders and I don't give a crap if you don't like it.
If you really knew me... you would know I have strong beliefs. And, I stand by them.
If you really knew me... you would know that I try to help the world. But, I can't help myself.
If you really knew me... you would know that I've been hurt by so many people. That I now have noone.
If you really knew me... you would know that I have a eating disorder, and I'm bullimic. But, I'm getting better. Even though, I still don't like my weight.
If you really knew me.. you would know that poetry is my life. And, it's the only thing I have. People can call me fat, ugly, and now stupid. But, they can't take away my poetry.
If you really knew me... you would know that I'm afraid of what others think. So, I put myself down to them.. before they can.
If you really knew me... you would know that I'm scared to be alone.
If you really knew me... you would know that I'm a wonderful person. But, I've been through alot. And, noone can handle that...


--October 16th, 2011: The day I got a second chance, the day I decided my life is worth living... <3

Smile! You ARE Beautiful!!!
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Last edited by ChelleBelle97; December 31st 2011 at 06:20 AM.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 02:05 PM

if you really knew me, you'd know that im bi-sexual and am struggling with the abuse i get from my family and peers because of it. you'd know that i cry every night. you'd know that i cut or hit myself most nights, even if im happy. you'd know that my brother molested me when i was 7. you'd know that my dad emotionally and mentally abuses me every day of my life. you'd also know that my boyfriend uses me for the little amount of money that i have even though he's rich. you'd know that i have a best friend who i love more than anything in the world and want to be with her and marry her someday but she doesnt love me the same way. you'd know that she was the only thing that stopped me from going through with a suicide attempt.*

lastly, you'd know that there's nothing i would change about any of it. my scars, bruises, self-inked tattoos and mental health problems are what make me, me. my memories and experiences have helped me mature a lot faster and i can deal with a lot more than people would think.*

this is just half of my, "if you really knew me". i have a lot more secrets locked up.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 05:16 PM

If you really knew me you would know:

It's hard for me to trust adults because of how they've treated me
They aren't the only ones who've hurt me
That the damage they've done has left scars, even if it doesn't always hurt
That I now consider myself recovered from everything
That it's still a struggle sometimes
I still fear failing and criticism in all it's forms only because it hurts so much to lose something you've wanted for so long or to be told how bad someone else thinks you are at something you thought you were good at
I don't know what my talents are although I'm sure I must have at least one
As much as I love helping people, I desperately want someone to return the favor, someone who I can talk to for hours just to get it all out


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"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte

Last edited by Kate*; December 31st 2011 at 10:30 PM.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 05:18 PM

If you really knew me.......
I have bullied since I was in first grade
I am have a mix of bipolar disorder and major depression
I always wanted to kill myself
I have hurt myself too many times to count
I feel alone like I have no one to talk to
I have been sexually harrested three times
I had an eating disorder
I had a pill promblem with advil for two weeks
I have lost my grandpa, cousin, great grandpa, great grandma, and uncle
I don't trust anyone the slighted bit cause I'm afraid of getting hurt again
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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 06:50 PM

If you really knew me...You would know that I am really shy and have only 2 friends left since I finished high school and everyone went their separate ways.
If you really knew me... You would know that I have been with my now fiance for just over two years now and we got engaged yesterday.
If you really knew me... You would know that I absolutely love to read and I have a collection of almost 200 books.
If you really knew me... You would know that I am afraid of A LOT of things and they keep me from having/doing what I really want.
If you really knew me... You would no that I am a really caring person and I get used and abused by a lot of people.

Last edited by Squiggly; December 31st 2011 at 08:11 PM.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 10:00 PM

If you really knew me you would know that I am a victim of sexual, emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. My brother and stepbrother molested me when I was 7 and continued until I was 11. My mom degrades me for my depression and other various issues pertaining to my mental health. My stepdad was a very angry and intolerant man, and would often curse at me, tell me to shut up, insult me, and one time threatened to "knock the shit out of me" if I didn't pull weeds faster.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm a cutter - have been since October 24, 2008. The longest I've ever gone without is 3 months. I've cut everywhere from the shoulders down.
If you really knew me you'd know that I treated one of the greatest people I'd ever had the fortune to meet like a worthless piece of shit for so long and for no reason and I feel inexplicably horrible about it.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I've tried to kill myself twice because half of my theatre class was thoroughly repulsed of my very presence.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm 5 1/2 feet tall and double digits and feel grossly obese.
If you really knew me you'd know that I haven't spoken to my father in two weeks because he is a petty douchebag who doesn't know how to save the insults for someone who can handle them. Two weeks isn't much but if you really knew me you'd know that I'm waiting for HIM to make the first move.
If you really knew me you'd know that if I ever cross paths with the bastards who raped me I will kill them, after I mangle their bodies beyond recognition.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm tired. Of life, of school, of this world, of this country, of this house. of family, of 'friends', of society, of me.
If you really knew me you'd know that I see a heifer when I look in the mirror.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm jealous of everyone who is rich, pretty, smart... because I shop for all my clothes at Goodwill and Walmart and I have to listen to everyone say how they just spent their $800 birthday money on pure mall clothes, and how they got 108 on their honors trig test. I have to see the boy I adore throw himself at her because she has boobs and weighs three fucking pounds.
If you really knew me you'd be surprised how much no one else knows.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - December 31st 2011, 11:01 PM

If you really knew me..

You'd know that I lie to the one person I'm am closest to, and am afraid will leave.
You'd know that I can't make a simple phone call because I have anxiety.
You'd know that I go to the bathroom at least two times before I go to bed, go somewhere, etc (used to be over ten times)
You'd know that I have to make my gas cap vertically straight, or I get anxiety real bad and think my gas cap fell off. Even though I KNOW I put it on.
You'd know that I take everything personally. And when I say everything, I'm not joking.
You'd know that I hate everything about me.
You'd know that I love control.
You'd know that I want attention and support, but I usually don't want to get better.
You'd know that I'm a hypocrit.
You'd know that fighting/conflict/tension is a huge trigger.
You'd know that everything I do is for some sort of gain or give.


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  (#14 (permalink)) Old
Chadwiick Offline
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 1st 2012, 12:34 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know almost everything I said was a joke.
If you really knew me, you'd know how deep of a passion for learning I truly have.
If you really knew me, you'd know my secrets I've held on that I haven't told anyone.
If you really knew me, my true desire is to be accepted.
If you really knew me, you'd have second thoughts about me.
If you really knew me, you'd know how much curiosity I had.
If you really knew me, you'd know I am not at peace with myself.
If you really knew me, well then you wouldn't be needing to read this. xD


Knowledge is power, guard it well.

Last edited by Chadwiick; January 1st 2012 at 04:29 AM.
   
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  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 1st 2012, 01:28 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know that despite being in a violent sport i'm actually a very kind and caring person.
If you really knew me, you'd know that i was bullied from 3rd grade on through middle school.
If you really knew me, you'd know that MMA is my life and it keeps me going from day to day.
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 1st 2012, 03:35 AM

If you really knew me..
You'd know I think about death everyday
You'd know my dad did horrible things to me
You'd know I forgive him
You'd know I cut constantly
You'd know I've been sexually abused
You'd know I can't do this on my own
You'd know music is the one thing keeping me from suicide
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
Little Lion Man
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 1st 2012, 09:18 PM

If you really knew me, you'd know that I have an anxiety disorder.
You'd know that my dad doesn't believe in "psychotherapy bullshit" and my mother is too self-absorbed to care, so I don't see a counselor like my doctor said I should.
You'd know that I find it extremely difficult to trust people because the last person I fully trusted betrayed me.
You'd know that I get afraid because I wouldn't be able to easily fight off my boyfriend, even though he would never try to hurt me.
You'd know that I lie to everyone about my health, because they'll think I'm being over-dramatic.
You'd know that I haven't had a pain-free minute in five years, thanks to my scoliosis.
You'd know that I lost my cousin, who was more like my sister, two years ago and I'm still not okay.
You'd know that I have no idea how to talk about the bad things in my life because I feel like I'm being too whiny and I don't like letting myself be that vulnerable.



Sorry I couldn't be there, I was tied to a rocking chair.




   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 1st 2012, 09:40 PM

If you really knew me you would know that :
I cannot trust many people, I struggle every day with self confidence and self esteem issues, that I still watch kids programes, sleep with a blanket and soft toy, I find opening up to people hard, I have many secrets. I am scared of a-lot of things including people choking, the darkness on the stairs and large crowds and big bangs, that I have big interest in the paranormal, That I have GAD, that my dad treats me differently than my sisters, that I doubt myself with everything that I do, that I don't like to talk alot and talking in a large group frightens me, that I am scared to become like my dad, that I buy my dad alcohol to keep him happy, that everyday I fight the urges to hurt myself and that usually and nearly every day I end up hurting myself, I very rarely show my true emotions and act fine, That I had ADHD, Asperges syndrome, Dyspraxia and math dyslexia. That I can never sleep. That the people that understand me the most are the people on this site, that my favourtie colours are blue, black, and yellow, That I am not a girly girl at all, And that I wish to be perfect and want to be a paranormal investigator and go on a ghost hunt, That if it was not for the children at work I may not be still alive at the moment. That I tend to keep things from my family in order to keep my family together. You'd also know that from the ages of about 12-16 I was sexually abused by the postman and that I have been emotionally and pyhiscally abused. Sexually harrased, Mentally and physcially bullied and that aged 15 I was pyhsically assulted and that aged 16 the same person who assulted me threatend to kill me.



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  (#19 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 4th 2012, 08:05 PM

If you really knew me you'd know:
I automatically assume your life is better than mine.
I have at some point thought that I offended you.
I say sorry almost constantly.
I am constantly feeling guilty, and I don't always know why.
I'm the quiet girl, because if I start talking about myself, you'll hear bad things.
I will look at you, or anyone else, and think of how much better you are than me.
I read all the time, and write, but never anything meaningful.
I will never meet your gaze.
   
  (#20 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 4th 2012, 08:16 PM

If you really knew me, you'd know I hate myself.
You'd know that I can't look in the mirror without being disgusted.
You'd know that I used to physically harm myself, and that I still want to.
You'd know that I cry myself to sleep most nights.
You'd know that I hate being cliché, but that sometimes it's the only way I can get through to people - because they think I'm joking.
You'd know that I wish I wasn't quite so clever.
You'd know that I wish I was cleverer.
You'd know that I can't ever actually be satisfied with myself.
You'd know how lonely I feel.
You'd know the real me, and you'd probably hate it.
And that's why you don't know me.
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 5th 2012, 07:05 AM

If you really knew me:

You'd know that I have the lowest self esteem in the world.
You'd know that I look at myself in the mirror everyday only to see something I wish I wasn't
You'd know my deepest fear is not succeeding in university and resorting to a service - sector job
You'd know I hate myself for the many stupid decisions I've made, always wondering 'what could have been'
You'd know how insecure I am about my height
You'd know I really want to make friends with everyone only to be hindered by my mediocre social skills
You'd know how insecure I get whenever I hear criticism about me
You'd know that I sometimes try to talk in a deeper voice in fear that my high - pitched voice might be ridiculed
You'd know I really want to believe in the 'destiny' and 'everything happens for a reason' mottos probably because its the only thing that gives my sad life hope


Carpe Diem: Seize the Day/Moment. -Horace

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered -Julius Caesar
   
  (#22 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 6th 2012, 08:03 AM

If you really knew me, you would understand that what I want more than anything is to be appreciated. You'd know that I have the potential to shine if you didn't overlook me so much. You'd know that I beat myself up over the silliest things. You'd know that all I want is a chance to be recognized.
   
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 7th 2012, 04:57 AM

if you really knew...you would know that I have a lot of friends I haven't heard from in years and lost all there phone numbers and the two people i really want to talk to doesn't have a facebook or anyway at all to get back in touch with them

if you really knew me you would know i have a rough time in highschool being called ugly and being bullied and the past three years are the times I actually felt beautiful

if you really knew me... you would know that i have tons of thing i want to change about myself

if you really knew you would know that i am actually weak on the inside and can't stay strong

if you really knew me you would know i have a horrible temper
   
  (#24 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 8th 2012, 06:18 PM

I left you a comment on the video. Well done for that, you're a strong person. <3 I'm gonna' write mine out too.

If you really knew me you'd know that I've been picked on for most of my life.
If you really knew me you'd know that I've never really been good at talking to people which has meant I don't have too many friends.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm not a confident person.
If you really knew me you'd know that I don't like the way I look or how I am sometimes.
If you really knew me you'd know that I could spend hours just thinking about how much I wish I was like someone else.
If you really knew me you'd know that words hurt more than a lot of other things.
If you really knew me you'd know that even though my life looks perfect, inside my head things really aren't.
If you really knew me you'd know that when I'm quiet, I'm not ignoring you, I just don't have the confidence to speak, even if the day before I did.
If you really knew me you'd know that I think too much for my own good.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm afraid of losing people, even if I push them away sometimes.
If you really knew me you'd know that I care more about how other people feel than how I feel.
If you really knew me you'd know that my life revolves more around other people than myself.
If you really knew me you'd know that there's a lot I can do, and have the ability to do, that I'm too afraid to try.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm not that smart at all.
If you really knew me you'd know that under my bracelets there are scars and cuts.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm lonely.
If you really knew me you'd know that I look up to people a lot of other people don't - because they make a difference, not just look good.
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm sad. A lot.
If you really knew me you'd know that even though I'm quiet, sometimes I just want to scream at the world for not listening, and not changing, even though so many people wish it would.
If you really knew me you'd know that even though I'm quiet, sometimes I want to shout at people because their actions genuinely hurt.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
  (#25 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 10th 2012, 02:04 AM

If you really knew me you'd know that:
- I've lived almost all of my life dissociated & it's really disturbing to feel so out of control about my past.
- The reason I'm so shy is because I have social anxiety disorder and I'm afraid that no one will ever accept me.
- I've been suicidal. Twice.
- I want to move on to university as quickly as possible so to escape my house.
- The first time I felt fat was when I was in grade 4.
- I'm anorexic and I want nothing to do with recovery; I'm being forced and I hate it.
- I'm a perfectionist to the point where anything less than 100% feels like a failure.
- I've been verbally and physically bullied.
- Being happy scares me because I know it won't last and I dread falling back into depression


♥ PM me anytime, I'm here for you ♥

Out of the ashes I'm burning like a fire. You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar. I've got shame, I've got scars that I will never show. I'm a survivor in more ways than you know. 'Cause all the pain and the truth, I wear like a battle wound. So ashamed, so confused, I was broken and bruised. Now I'm a warrior.
   
  (#26 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 10th 2012, 03:35 AM

Wow, these posts are very touching to me and I think it's really brave for everybody to expose that "hidden" side of their identity. Just wanted to thank you for giving me the honor to read it



"It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness"-Chinese Proverb



Piano, Flute, Bassoon, Acoustic Guitar, Cello, Electric Guitar

LiveHelp Operator August 13th, 2012 General Forum ModeratorDecember 22, 2012 Videos Officer March 19th 2013
   
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  (#27 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 10th 2012, 06:26 AM

If You Really Knew Me:

You'd know that even though I look like a kid that has everything, not a day goes by that I don't think I don't deserve it. Any of it.

You'd know that I still don't know how to feel, how I feel, or how to express how I feel about my Mom and Brother's deaths.

You'd know that about a week ago I was an insensitive childish asshole to my Mom's brother when he chastised me and said my Mom would expect better from me. That I told him not to "play the Mom card" and to "leave my Mother out of it. You'd know that I wanted to die when he cried while he told me that he was the one that had to go to the morgue to identify HIS big sister and HIS nephew because my Dad had to be hospitalized and couldn't go. That he promised her he'd help raise me and help me grow up to be the man she dreamed I would be.

You'd know that I love my Dad more than life itself, and I just hate myself when i do stupid shit and let him down or disappoint him.

You'd know that the popular, smart, athlete is really a soft crybaby. That he's crying while he types this.

You'd know that even though he might audit what I write here, I'm trying to get the guts to tell him that I've smoked weed three times.

You'd know that I asked my Dad to adopt my best friend because I want him to be my brother for real.

You'd know that I'm embarrased and ashamed because I got used by a girl for a game while I was playing the "big man."

You'd know that I have a crush on a girl so deep it hurts.

You'd know I could watch Penguins of Madagascar or Phineas & Ferb all day

You'd know I got Tickle me Elmo pajamas for xmas, and I wear em with my Spongebob slippers.

You'd know I'm in no hurry to 'grow up'

You'd know how much I appreciate a place like this, with people like you, where I can talk about stuff like this.


15 Straight - Loving Life - Love meeting new peeps - Want to help if I can


Girl: "My doctor says I can't have sex for a while."
Boy: "What does your dentist say?"

Last edited by Shawn K.; January 10th 2012 at 07:11 AM. Reason: Thought of some good stuff about me....
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  (#28 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 10th 2012, 10:57 AM

If you really knew me:
-you'd know that I am not arrogant, just a bit shy.
-you'd be able to decipher my fake smile.
-you'd know that I can be absurdly kiddish at times, unintentionally.
-you'd know that I hate it when people are upset with me and I apologize even when I am not wrong, but I value those people.
-you'd know that I will keep loving Robert Pattinson even though people say he is gay. :P (which he isn't by the way.)
-you'd know that I am a very emotional person, not a drama queen.
   
  (#29 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 10th 2012, 12:52 PM

If you really knew me...

You'd know that I've said "I'm fine." so many times that I believed my own lie.
You'd know that the reason I spend so much time in online games isn't because I'm addicted, but because I'd rather be one of my characters than be myself.
You'd know that my first suicide attempt was in fifth grade.
You'd know that I've been confined to a mental hospital.
You'd know that the reason I stay at home all day is I'm too anxious to go outside most of the time.
You'd know that I've been abused by my parents for the past thirteen years.
You'd know that I was raped when I was five years old.
You'd know that I still wonder if it was my fault.
You'd know that I still see the man who did it every single day.
You'd know that I've heard "Guys can't be raped." so many times I wonder if it's true.
You'd know I can't sleep because I'm afraid it'll happen again.
You'd know that I've been kicked out of counseling for being a "lost cause."
You'd know that CPS sent me back home to my parents.


This is the last night you spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be

~Skillet - The Last Night


When Michael died, Megan was born. And I won't go back for anything.

   
  (#30 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 11th 2012, 02:51 AM

If you really knew me - you'd know I'm not a horrible person, just a lost one.
I'm sorry - no, I'm not sorry, I'm intensely and deeply apologetic and repentant for the things I've done.
You'd know I'm contemplating suicide this very moment and will do anything to act on it.
You'd know I just want a hug, for someone to hold me, tell me they're there for me, and that everything will be all right... and I can never get it no matter where I look...
   
  (#31 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 11th 2012, 02:57 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know I like girls and I'm trying to hide it.
   
  (#32 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 11th 2012, 03:57 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know I don't give a damn what people say.
If you really knew me, you'd know how scarred I am by the past.
If you really knew me, you'd know how much you're hurting me.
If you really knew me, you'd know how strong my resolve is.

...If you really knew me, you'd know that every day I lean on him for strength because I can't muster enough on my own to face your abuse and the scars of my own past. I hate leaning on him so much because it makes him worry about me, and it makes me feel like I'm weak and not good enough. You'd know I confide in him every day, but sometimes it makes me feel worse because I feel like it's a big pity party that's only going to bring him down. Sometimes I even get scared he'll get tired of me.

You'd know that it's all thanks to all those horrible things that happened back then, and your daily verbal abuse.


I love my Big Sleepy Bear.
I still fill my panties; do YOU?
No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist. -Oscar Wilde
Buddy since 12/25/11 Self Expressions mod since 4/23/12 Helplink mentor since 5/9/12 . . . . . .Skittlify.
I was blessed by your companionship from 12/24/01-6/27/13
   
  (#33 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 11th 2012, 04:17 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know me better than I know myself, because if you really knew me, you'd know all the secret feelings I'm hiding from me.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I can't focus on homework anymore because I just don't care anymore, but that I used to actually like learning and I was smart.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I don't care so much about being a triplet, because it's not a big deal to me, because it doesn't always feel like I have siblings anyway--just a crowded, angry house.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm scared to have a family one day because of my family now.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm afraid to ever have money issues, ever.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm afraid of a lot of things, even though I really wish I weren't.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I used to be really depressed and wanted to kill myself, but that I didn't think I deserved to feel that way.
If you really knew me, you'd know that my "sassiness" is the only way I know how to make a joke about something I'm not allowed to say.
If you really knew me, you'd know that my stomach is tying itself in knots all day, that my pulse is racing and thudding in my ears, and that I'm afraid I'm going to have some terrible medical thing happen and all of the stress will catch up to me.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm still about to fall apart, that I'm doing all I can to just hide it all and try to feel happy, but that one of these day's I'm just going to explode


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just want to chat (:
http://liveforthememories.tumblr.com/
   
  (#34 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 11th 2012, 04:18 AM

If you really knew me you'd know how big of a dork I really am.
If you really knew me you'd know how much I really do love being in class learning new things.
If you really knew me you'd know I'm not as confident as I lead you to believe.
If you really knew me you'd know half the time I'm smiling I'm doing it in hopes of making myself feel happy.
If you really knew me you'd know I am not good at taking my own advice.
If you really knew me you'd know just how bad it really was.
If you really knew me you'd know not a day goes by my past doesn't come back to haunt me.
If you really knew me you'd know I have learning disabilities that cause me trouble with school, but I'm too proud to ask for help.
If you really knew me you'd know that when I'm singing I feel like all the troubles in the world melt away.
If you really knew me you'd know I want nothing more than to have people like me.
If you really knew me you'd know I've never told anyone half of this stuff.


We were made to be courageous.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

   
  (#35 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 11th 2012, 04:21 AM

If you really knew me you would know that....
•I can't stop thinking about the past
•I hate the way i look
•Ive tried to kill myself 5 times
•Im tired of living
•You would know that im thinking about suicide this moment
•Im beginning to trick myself when i say' im fine'
•Im in counselling and I've been telling everyone its helping when it hasn't at all
•I just want someone to say 'i know your not ok' and hold me
•I wish i was never born
Thats what you would know if you really knew me. <3





From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How all my worst fears are letting out
He said, "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lumos. 
  (#36 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 11th 2012, 04:44 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know that when I say, "I'm tired," I mean that I'm tired of trying everyday, that when I want to go sleep, I want to never wake up.


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just want to chat (:
http://liveforthememories.tumblr.com/
   
  (#37 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 11th 2012, 06:24 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know I haven't eaten properly in weeks.
If you really knew me, you'd know that it possitively kills me that my own mother won't speak to me.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I fight the urge to cut myself every single night.
If you really knew me, you'd know I'm falling apart a little more every day.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm never going to forget what he did to me.
If you really knew me, you'd know that the first time I tried to kill myself, I was eight years old.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm terrified to have sex with her, because she's so perfect, and I'm so not...


“I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help.” Harvey Milk, 1978

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  (#38 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 12th 2012, 12:24 AM

If you really knew me, you'd know...

Conflict makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I have this constant urge to tell people off.
I trust people easily, but I will doubt everything they say in the process.
I have extremely low self-confidence.
I get really nervous when speaking in front of a crowd, or any number of people if I don't know them well.
I'm afraid that my writing will never be good enough.
I'm afraid that I'll never be skinny.
I really dislike feet.
I'm more sensitive than I let on.
I'd love to have a guy to just cuddle with.
And being in a relationship scares me.
   
  (#39 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 12th 2012, 12:37 AM

If you really knew me, you wouldn't want to know me anymore




Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try
No hell below us,
Above us only sky!
   
  (#40 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If You Really Knew Me... - January 12th 2012, 08:13 AM

If you really knew me:

You'd realise that most of what you think you know isn't true.
You'd know that I barely trust anyone.
You'd know that I'm gay.
You'd know that I have an eating disorder.
You'd know that I am probably scared that you hate me.
You'd know I have problems with anxiety.
You'd know that when I'm smiling, I probably don't mean it.


Join the Skeleton Clique on TH
Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do, then I should warn you - you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!

Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.
RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
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