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View Poll Results: How do you feel about polygamy?
Polygamy should be legal. 34 68.00%
Only polygany should be legal. 0 0%
Only polyandry should be legal. 0 0%
Polygamy should be completely illegal. 16 32.00%
Voters: 50. You may not vote on this poll

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Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 05:03 PM

Should polygamy be legal? Polygamy is the practice of having more than one spouse, in which all of the spouses are consensual adults.

Polygany is a man having multiple wives.
Polyandry is a woman having multiple husbands.

If all of the spouses are consensual adults, why should the government regulate how many spouses you have?

What do you think?




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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 06:24 PM

I believe it should be legal among consenting adults.


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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 06:25 PM

Polyamory = I am okay with it.
Polygamy = I am not okay with it.

It gets really confusing when filling out legal forms, censuses, dealing with wills and children.
   
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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 06:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer. View Post
Polyamory = I am okay with it.
Polygamy = I am not okay with it.

It gets really confusing when filling out legal forms, censuses, dealing with wills and children.
I see your point, but to me, that's the entire reason to do it. I believe couples who are interested in having legal rights with their partner should have access to that. For example, a polyamorous individual should be able to come into a hospital room for all their partners or have rights in regards to wills. Or perhaps a child born to one wife but who's father has multiple wives should also have the other wives as a guardian. Sure, it'll be more complicated, but I think it's a right that people have if they are interested in that.


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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 06:44 PM

If it's among consenting adults, I don't really see a problem, but if you're going to make plural marriage legal then it needs to be legal for both genders to have multiple spouses.


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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 07:35 PM

As log as everyone is consenting I don't see a problem with it. The only time I'd have a problem is if someone felt forced into it or uncomfortable.


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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 08:54 PM

I don't see why it should be made illegal so long as everyone gives consent. However, I think the "legal" part of being married, that is, the fact that the government and church control marriage should be abolished. It should solely be a private practice, this then, removes the legal "benefits" of being married, and doesn't discriminate against single people.


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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 09:01 PM

Just for reference it is illegal in all fifty states.




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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 09:04 PM

I don't really see an issue with it, consenting adults and whatnot. It's not for me. But, if other people wish to partake who am I (or is the government) to say no.

Just my two cents.



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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 10:32 PM

The more I think about it the less I find wrong with it to be brutally honest. I always grew up thinking it was you know morally wrong, but the more I hear you guys talk about it and research myself - as long as there is consent that's all that matters. I know I primarily hear of young girls being forced into this Polygamy is what just throws me off. But then again, that's not right even if it's outside of Polygamy. So I guess all I'm saying is I pretty much agree with what the majority says about there being consent between adults.


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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 11:10 PM

Because there are so many 'benefits' associated with marriage, such as getting placed on the spouses insurance and being allowed to visit the person in the hospital and make decisions about their health if anything happens to the person. I think it should be made legal.

As long as it's two consenting adults and one of the people doesn't feel forced into that kind of arrangement then it should be fine.

I only hear about the bad things associated with polygamy. Mainly focusing on younger girls being forced to marry a man. Women not having the same right to marry multiple partners etc.

If it's fair across the board then it should be fine.

But, it's not something I'd want to partake in.


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Re: Polygamy - July 5th 2016, 11:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by In the Rye View Post
I don't see why it should be made illegal so long as everyone gives consent. However, I think the "legal" part of being married, that is, the fact that the government and church control marriage should be abolished. It should solely be a private practice, this then, removes the legal "benefits" of being married, and doesn't discriminate against single people.
I'd be interested in an entire discussion just on this. I've said this before, and would also be interested in learning more about the history of the government's role in marriage. The only reason I will likely get married is for tax and economic benefits. Sure, I have some emotional pull to do so, but a lot of this was probably my upbringing both in a capitalist (doesn't buying all this stuff, a wedding registry, and having a large expensive party look fun?!) and patriarchal society (being more valued as a married woman). But most of the reasons are economical, even if I don't really believe in the concept and find it fairly archaic. What's the historical context? Do all countries offer the same type of benefits? How do these type of benefits affect marriage, divorce, and birth rates? Etc.

Sorry for that being a bit off topic. Conclusion, I'd love to discuss marriage further in another thread and my views stated in this thread are more tied to the fact we do give additional benefits in legal marriage, whether or not that's right or wrong.


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Re: Polygamy - July 6th 2016, 03:31 AM

I don't have problems with orgies. If everyone consents, who am I to interrupt an orgy?
But this is a question of legality, and I did vote illegal. Part of that is because I've had to justify to my mom and other religious people repeatedly that "no, gay marriage will NOT lead to polygamy, stop thinking the sky is falling." Well son of a bitch, if we're wrong on that most basic point, conservatives will always think the sky is falling whenever a social issue comes up and renew their "culture war". They'll never relax. Their conviction and numbers against polygamy is presumably a lot stronger than the pro-polygamy crowd, so this would be a wasted fight that would embolden conservatives to elect more madmen into public office. In reality though, conservatives actually shouldn't have a problem with polygamy at all because it is the very definition of traditional marriage.
I am curious about how this would affect families. Every conservative freaked out about how gay marriage will "destroy marriage and the family". Dipshits... Gay marriage is actually strengthening the family because now there are more couples to adopt kids, plus gay couples can't have kids by accident, which tends to create problems for straight couples. We already know that having two moms or two dads has no negative effect on a child's upbringing, but what about the number of parents a child has? We've seen couple parenting and single parenting, but do we know if polygamy provides stability? Single parenting is typically harder than couple parentingThe only research I've found (albeit with only a simple google search) that doesn't appear religiously charged says that children of polygamous families have more mental health problems, social problems, and lower academic achievement, while self-esteem, anxiety, and depression scores were similar. That's hardly definitive. But how would multiple parents get along with each other? Could there be like a 'third wheel' effect, where some of the people involved typically start feeling isolated? Hell, I don't know. But its something that should be researched thoroughly.
If push came to shove and I was in public office, I'd bury the issue to keep the peace. We can't keep letting social conservatives get tricked into voting for fiscal conservatives. Fiscal conservatives have been running America off a cliff since Reagan. It might be one of three times I can think of where I would try to appease conservatives.
I know I'm missing something here.


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Re: Polygamy - July 6th 2016, 07:20 PM

Speaking as a polyamorous person, it would be really nice to have the option of marrying more than one of my partners. As long as everyone involved is consenting adults it shouldn't be a problem. The person that marries their partners receives a lot of legal rights that the person not marrying their partner does not. The one that concerns me most is something like visiting their partner in the hospital- someone who isn't married to their partner when their partner is married to someone else doesn't have that right, and I know for me if that comes up it would be devastating.

Also there is no evidence that having more than two parents damages children. Many children are raised very successfully in poly households. In fact some are more well adjusted because they have the support of many adults that other children do not when both parents are busy, as well as sometimes having other siblings to be around. I know my partner's child grew up in a household with three moms and he is the most well-adjusted young man I've ever met- in college with a part-time job at seventeen, drives his own car and everything, not to mention emotionally mature.

There is a lot of love to go around in poly families. It's why I love being part of a poly household. I have the love of my partner and I have the love of her other partner. Together we all make a great team, and that's how families should work together- as teams. It would be nice if her other girlfriend and I could both marry her. Unfortunately, that's not possible right now. We could have a "commitment ceremony" but it wouldn't be the same thing.

I'm definitely pro-poly marriage, whether it's polygamy and polyandry. It's sexiest bullshit to say one of them is okay but not the other. As long as no one is being taken advantage of or underage it doesn't matter. Love is love. In modern society marriage is about love, not political or economic ties, so why can't multiples loves be married? Makes sense to me.


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Re: Polygamy - July 6th 2016, 07:43 PM

While I wouldn't practice it myself, I feel as if everyone in the relationship is of age, and consents to it, then why not. Everyone deserves to be happy, and if that makes them happy, then they should have that right.


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Re: Polygamy - July 6th 2016, 09:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanceCommander View Post
Speaking as a polyamorous person, it would be really nice to have the option of marrying more than one of my partners. As long as everyone involved is consenting adults it shouldn't be a problem. The person that marries their partners receives a lot of legal rights that the person not marrying their partner does not. The one that concerns me most is something like visiting their partner in the hospital- someone who isn't married to their partner when their partner is married to someone else doesn't have that right, and I know for me if that comes up it would be devastating.

Also there is no evidence that having more than two parents damages children. Many children are raised very successfully in poly households. In fact some are more well adjusted because they have the support of many adults that other children do not when both parents are busy, as well as sometimes having other siblings to be around. I know my partner's child grew up in a household with three moms and he is the most well-adjusted young man I've ever met- in college with a part-time job at seventeen, drives his own car and everything, not to mention emotionally mature.

There is a lot of love to go around in poly families. It's why I love being part of a poly household. I have the love of my partner and I have the love of her other partner. Together we all make a great team, and that's how families should work together- as teams. It would be nice if her other girlfriend and I could both marry her. Unfortunately, that's not possible right now. We could have a "commitment ceremony" but it wouldn't be the same thing.

I'm definitely pro-poly marriage, whether it's polygamy and polyandry. It's sexiest bullshit to say one of them is okay but not the other. As long as no one is being taken advantage of or underage it doesn't matter. Love is love. In modern society marriage is about love, not political or economic ties, so why can't multiples loves be married? Makes sense to me.
It's good to hear from someone who actually has experience with polygamy. If I offended you, my apologies, but I'd like to think I asked legitimate questions and stayed away from just making assumptions.
I've never actually met any polygamous people, by the way. Is polygamy common in the US?


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Re: Polygamy - July 8th 2016, 02:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MichWolverineFreak View Post
It's good to hear from someone who actually has experience with polygamy. If I offended you, my apologies, but I'd like to think I asked legitimate questions and stayed away from just making assumptions.
I've never actually met any polygamous people, by the way. Is polygamy common in the US?
First of all, it's important to distinguish polygamy from polyamory. Polygamy is when one man marries multiple women. Polyamory simply means "many loves" and covers all relationships between more than two people regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or relationship configuration (for example, a triad, a V, a poly group, etc.). So, I'm polyamorous, as I am not married to a man (nor would I be; the only partner of mine I would consider marrying is a woman) who is married to other women.

It is estimated that five million adults in the United States engage in polyamory. I am not sure whether that number also includes other forms of non-monogamy (for example, swingers). It's not a large chunk of the population but it's sizable. I think that it's generally becoming more acceptable to society as society becomes more progressive. While I doubt plural marriage will ever become legal it's important to note that poly relationships are just as valuable and important as their monogamous counterparts. Many poly people engage in handfasting or have commitment ceremonies with their multiple partners. These unions are just as wonderful and celebratory as monogamous marriages. Many people mistakenly think being poly means you're more likely to break up but I've know "polycules" that have been together for decades and have raised families together.


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Re: Polygamy - July 8th 2016, 09:48 AM

If both adults are consenting I don't have a problem. It makes stuff much easier legally and is another way of showing your love for someone, like any normal marriage


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Re: Polygamy - July 8th 2016, 12:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanceCommander View Post
First of all, it's important to distinguish polygamy from polyamory. Polygamy is when one man marries multiple women.
Polygamy is multiple spouses regardless of gender, polygany is one man with multiples wives. Just to clarify.




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Re: Polygamy - July 8th 2016, 07:01 PM

I am not in principle against something unless I get the impression that something harmful could come out of it.

Anyone here have any legit ideas why "polygamy" might be culturally harmful??

I can think of a reason for why "polygany" and "polyandry" are harmful... because both give one gender extra rights/privileges over the other, entitling people of only one of the genders to have multiple spouses.

But "polygamy" is above that.

If it were up to me, I would bring an extra variable into the equation of legalized polygamy. If two people were already married, and one of them wanted to marry another person, I think it'd be fair for such a marriage to require consent of all existing partners, and not just the two people getting married. Consents could be conditional, with conditions for example determining the distribution of inheritance if one of the spouses were to pass away.

It could get a little complex, but that's life. As far as I know, I do not think anything like this has been implemented before (I'm probably wrong though)... so I can only imagine potential family drama/misunderstandings arising from dodgy marriage deals, made for the sake of exploiting some legal loophole. It might be benefits/welfare. It might be inheritance. It might be child support. Or it might be used to somehow circumvent divorce settlements. It could be a lot of things... which would have be thought about first... rather than simply acting out of idealistic intentions.

Attention has been drawn to how Polygany in Muslim communities has been used to rake in huge child support benefits. I barely remember the details. If anyone's interested in this, I can try and look it up again.

My point is... these kinds of things need to be controlled, regardless of race or gender or who might or might not benefit from such schemes.

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Re: Polygamy - July 15th 2016, 08:56 PM

I've been watching a series on TV called escaping polygamy. Honestly, if I was born and my dad or mom had multiple spouses I would be really upset. It might just be me but that's how I would feel.



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Re: Polygamy - July 18th 2016, 04:19 PM

I think it would be more of a paperwork nightmare than anything.


1. Tax deductions.


2. Consent issue. If someone has five spouses, should each spouse consent? What if one spouse refuses?


3. Divorce issues. People have already muddied the waters with not getting married and combining assets or signing leases (which is why I "rent" from my boyfriend and I refuse to contribute too much to large ticket items I cannot take with me). It's an even more of a nightmare when people purchase houses together. If one spouse wants to get divorced, is all the property community property?


4. Death benefits. If all spouses were married for ten years prior to a death, would they get a slice of the pie? Or would it count as "remarried." If you don't want to be married to each other but married to one person, does it count? Like if Shelly and Mary want to be married to Bob but hate each other and Bob dies, who would get the benefits? Would Shelly and Mary still count as married? What if Shelly was married for 40 years and Mary only ten years? Does Shelly have more of a claim to the property than Mary?


5. Death issues. What if Mary is Stan and Bob and she is unable to make medical decisions. Bob wants her to be trach'd and peg'd (basically what people think life support is but there is no real thing called life support) but Stan wants her to move into hospice care because there realistically isn't a chance she'll wake up. So which spouse do we listen to?


6. Child care "guardians." If Bob and Mary have a kid but Mary is married to Stan, Joe, Michael but she later divorces everyone? Would the kid basically rotate to different houses? A lot of times in child care guidelines there are stipulations about what happens if a parent moves more than X amount of miles away. If one of the guardian's leave the partnership, would they be on hook for child support?

My opinion? Civil unions. Marriage is a religious institution and really, the government shouldn't limit how many people people marry or who they marry. However, with civil unions it would be a government recognized union between two consenting adults of age 18 or above who are of sound mind and capable of consenting. Two friends who don't want to have sex but want to extend the legal benefits of a civil union? Whatever. Two people that love each other a lot? They can have a civil union. It could also allow there to be some standardization in the civil union process since some states you have to get a syphilis/HIV test, some you have to wait X amount of days before marriage, etc.


Our society is simply not set up for multiple partners in a marriage. Maybe 100 years enough changes can have occurred to the laws such as different set up of healthcare or different mentality when it comes to property to allow there to be multiple official partners. As of now, it won't work. Change is occurring all the time though. I remember in 2008, I attended a lecture at Ohio State where the presenter said he doubted that we would ever see medical marijuana (despite his support for it) in our lifetime. Well, in some states it has changed.


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Re: Polygamy - July 20th 2016, 08:54 PM

personally, i'm polyamorous (or at least i have poly tendencies) and i don't think i'd ever myself want to marry anyone, let alone multiple people. in the way that i express my poly-ness, marriage has little importance to me at this stage in my life and i can't really see that changing.

the other side of it is that as a whole i just don't really buy into the concept of marriage. beyond the idea that it has always been used to reinforce heteronormative gender roles (and the idea that marriage equality is a method of assimilating queer people into the broader heteronormative society), i just feel like civil marriage is an inherently inegalitarian institution. people who aren't suited to marriage because of their orientations or lifestyles or simply don't want to get married are left behind while married couples are granted privileges and benefits.

so, basically, if marriage exists i would like to see recognition for polygamy, but i'd just rather if the whole idea was done away with.
   
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Re: Polygamy - July 22nd 2016, 02:12 AM

There is essentially no practical or legal grounding for outlawing polygamy (at least in the United States), especially in the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court decision that upheld the legality of same-sex marriage (ergo indicating that a legal marriage is not confined to one man and one woman exclusively). The only foreseeable problems arising from polygamy would be issues of property distribution upon divorce, and the various recalculations of tax breaks and other benefits offered to married couples. What happens between consenting adults is exclusively the business of those consenting adults.


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Re: Polygamy - July 28th 2016, 05:37 AM

Despite how ridiculous I believe polygamy is, I do think it should be legalized...somehow.
   
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Re: Polygamy - July 30th 2016, 05:15 AM

I think it should be legal if all the adults are consenting however it's not something I personally would want to be comfortable with it.


   
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Re: Polygamy - July 30th 2016, 07:31 AM

I really don't see a problem with it. I wouldn't do it, but if consenting adults wish to do so, that's their business. Who are we to tell them that they can't, assuming they're not harming anyone?


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Re: Polygamy - August 14th 2016, 01:43 AM

I wonder if a lot of people's current perception of polygamy is based on shows such as Sister Wives, which can lead them to get an inaccurate representation? There's also a show called Escaping Polygamy that definitely sheds a negative light, but it could be a different situation in that case. I dunno.


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Re: Polygamy - August 14th 2016, 05:52 AM

I think if you are consenting adults and feel like that's what you want then yes it should be legal. I myself am not opposed to have a three way relationship so two girlfriends but everyone has to agree.


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Re: Polygamy - August 14th 2016, 06:50 AM

With consenting adults, I'm all for it.


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Re: Polygamy - August 14th 2016, 11:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anhedonia. View Post
I wonder if a lot of people's current perception of polygamy is based on shows such as Sister Wives, which can lead them to get an inaccurate representation? There's also a show called Escaping Polygamy that definitely sheds a negative light, but it could be a different situation in that case. I dunno.
Well I think the difference between those shows is one is a consenting culture and the other is not.




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Re: Polygamy - August 14th 2016, 11:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anhedonia. View Post
I wonder if a lot of people's current perception of polygamy is based on shows such as Sister Wives, which can lead them to get an inaccurate representation? There's also a show called Escaping Polygamy that definitely sheds a negative light, but it could be a different situation in that case. I dunno.
I've only watched sister wives a few times and I've never seen the other show. However, polygamy is not represented all that well in the media.

They focus on the negatives such as all that stuff that happened years ago in Utah? With that guy, I can't remember his name though.

That's why I personally don't think it's wrong but only if both people consent.


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Re: Polygamy - August 14th 2016, 11:50 AM

If it's between people fully understanding what theyre getting into, and if all parties agree, sure, why not. I can't say I understand it, but if it works for others, I won't deny others the possibility of being happy.


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Re: Polygamy - August 24th 2016, 06:38 PM

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I've been watching a series on TV called escaping polygamy. Honestly, if I was born and my dad or mom had multiple spouses I would be really upset. It might just be me but that's how I would feel.
You wouldn't feel that way if your kid grew up with it as normal. I'm polyamorous and I have two partners and young kids with one of them. They see me being affectionate with both. There's nothing weird about it for them.
   
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Re: Polygamy - August 25th 2016, 12:10 AM

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You wouldn't feel that way if your kid grew up with it as normal. I'm polyamorous and I have two partners and young kids with one of them. They see me being affectionate with both. There's nothing weird about it for them.

I think this is a really good point. When you grow up with something it becomes normal. I think it's comparable to any relationship that isn't considered 'normal'. The kids don't see it as different until society steps in and tells them it is. I think there are lots of people who make these types of situations work for their children.


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Re: Polygamy - August 25th 2016, 01:37 AM

Maybe I'm an old fashioned romantic, but I feel that its better to have one person you care about tons, rather than multiple partners. I understand where the other opinions come from, but personally, i can't get around it for myself. I'd rather just have a nice girlfriend/wife to cuddle with rather than multiple wives/girlfriends.
Just my two cents


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Re: Polygamy - August 25th 2016, 03:50 PM

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Originally Posted by aguy View Post
Maybe I'm an old fashioned romantic, but I feel that its better to have one person you care about tons, rather than multiple partners. I understand where the other opinions come from, but personally, i can't get around it for myself. I'd rather just have a nice girlfriend/wife to cuddle with rather than multiple wives/girlfriends.
Just my two cents
But do you think it should be a legal option for other people to partake in?




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Re: Polygamy - August 26th 2016, 08:32 AM

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Originally Posted by Lizzie View Post


But do you think it should be a legal option for other people to partake in?
Well why not. If they are adults, and so desire, why not?
I guess legally, sure.


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Re: Polygamy - August 26th 2016, 08:33 AM

There is an argument going around that having multiple spouses can create commitment problems in marriages. Commitment problems, cause unstable households, and raising kids in unstable households is correlated with antisocial behavior problems later in life.

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