Tipping in America: becoming ridiculous?

[Proud90sKid]

I honestly hate the way that service businesses are run in the US. Both from the top and from the bottom are customer unfriendly policies.

The other day I was served by a manager. They asked me to "close out" for the current bartender(ie. inconvenience me by having to sign two tabs just so that the person who didn't actually serve me gets a tip). I was not about to tip. This inconveniences me for a service that said bartender didn't provide me with. I didn't hesitate to put "N/A" on the tip line (because she didn't hand me a BOTTLED beer....the manager did). She immediately called me out on it to both me and other employees because I "didnt tip her". To me thats another reason to not deserve a tip: in the future, even if she serves me, I will remember that she explicitly called me out to other employees(shaming) for a tip that isn't mandatory and she didn't work for. I asked what exactly she did to deserve compensation from me given that she wasn't even the one to hand me the bottle. She said that she was the bartender on duty. I told her that while that may be the case, she still didn't provide me with services herself and therefore did nothing to deserve a tip. "I don't care about your role as server, you yourself didn't provide me with service". She said that she "wont serve me again" to which I responded that she didn't serve me this time and she spent half the time drinking shots on the job with another party, so good riddance.

Was I wrong?

I don't always tip, but I have a simple system that is easy to follow: did the actual recipient serve me/are tips shared (if tips are shared then I tip) AND did they do it without a scowl (no smile necessary, but a scowl directed at me is immediate no tip)? If so they get a tip. Not hard. She not only scowled, but called me out for services not rendered, and threatened to not serve me in the future. So of course I didn't tip her entitled ass.

I was going to get a job at the restaurant... glad I didn't because I don't want someone like that to make more money than me just because they are a female bartender who gets high tips and free drinks.

Basically I took an attitude of "oh you want me to close out for this bartender ending their shift...one who never served me at that.... just because you assume I will tip? Ok I will close out and then reopen but there won't be a tip due to lack of service and for the inconvenience".

[Ennui.]

I moved this to Current Events & Debates because it seems more fitting there.

If this server did literally nothing for you, not even giving you one item, I think it's valid that you didn't tip her. I mean, she didn't SERVE you anything.

But I try to tip in most other situations. If the food was bad it's not on the waitress so I have the waitress have the cook remake the food but I'll still tip. I'm bad at reading facial expressions so I sometimes think people are upset when they're not, or I'll read them as neutral or content when they're actually upset. So I try not to go off scowling or other facial expressions. Whether the tips are shared or not I still tip because someone's putting in the work and waitstaff in restaurants in the US tend to rely on tips for most of their income.

[Dawn.]

I don't live in America so I don't really know the in's and out's of who, when and how much to tip.

But if the bartender didn't directly serve you than that's a valid reason for you not to have tipped. However, tips are what they need in order to survive on based on their hourly rate.

[Butterscotch.]

While I see your point of not wanting to tip because the bartender on duty wasn't the one that gave you your drinks, it's important to remember that people in the hospitality industry only make federal minimum wage pay. They rely on these tips as a source of their income, and you deprived this woman of some $5 just based on your so-called principles. Your principle should've been "well, this woman didn't serve me and I don't see why I should tip her; but I am aware that this woman only makes $7.25 an hour doing what she does so I will give her that $5."

She had every right to give you an attitude because you were giving her that in the first place. Honestly, if I were the manager, I would've asked you to never return to the establishment because you created an unsafe environment for my employees and they don't need that working in the hospitality industry. It's already stressful enough as it is and it's only going to get worse as the summer and election cycle approaches.

[Proud90sKid]

Originally Posted by Butterscotch.

While I see your point of not wanting to tip because the bartender on duty wasn't the one that gave you your drinks, it's important to remember that people in the hospitality industry only make federal minimum wage pay. They rely on these tips as a source of their income, and you deprived this woman of some $5 just based on your so-called principles. Your principle should've been "well, this woman didn't serve me and I don't see why I should tip her; but I am aware that this woman only makes $7.25 an hour doing what she does so I will give her that $5."

She had every right to give you an attitude because you were giving her that in the first place. Honestly, if I were the manager, I would've asked you to never return to the establishment because you created an unsafe environment for my employees and they don't need that working in the hospitality industry. It's already stressful enough as it is and it's only going to get worse as the summer and election cycle approaches.

I objectively did not create an unsafe environment for her. You should look up what "unsafe" actually means. She didn't serve me and I paid her accordingly. There was no other interaction, hence no "danger". If anything, she was creating an unsafe situation for me as a customer by demanding that I pay her a voluntary charge for services not rendered and trying to shame me for it. As a manager, it is you who has the responsibility to pay employees a normal minimum wage if they are not tipped enough. The reason that so many people associate liberalism with being a "fruitcake" is the blatant overuse of the "dangerous situation" label. It truly seems that the term is mostly used to describe something that they simply disagree with. If nobody is in danger, then it is not a dangerous situation. Tipping is voluntary to begin with. Not tipping when not served does not create a dangerous situation. I am under no obligation whatsoever to empathize with her. That isn't the same as putting her in danger.

As a manger, it is YOUR responsibility to pay your employees sufficiently. It is not my responsibility as a customer to worry about employee wages. It just isn't. And if I was concerned with employee wages, the tip would go to the dishwasher, not the waitress making 400 a night. I did dishwashing for a day before (at this same restaurant no less). It's grueling and awful. And they don't get the tips at all. You are seen as the bottom employee too. I told them it wasn't for me. I never even got paid for that day.

Election cycle? That has little impact on their job day-to-day. Please explain. I live in a highly politically "homogenous" area. Haven't seen a pro-Biden or anti-Trump sticker in years. My county is among the most conservative in all of America.

[This_is_the_greatest_plan]

I dont live in America and have never been, but I think the whole thing of companies not paying staff and expecting customers to do it directly is a problem. Paying a tip enables the company to keep underpaying their staff. Not paying it means the staff have to tolerate being paid less than they need. Staff take a risk by speaking up about it. Its a big problem.


Personally I think you did the right thing in not paying. Its a problem neither you nor the server can fix. Really, companies need to be forced to pay their staff enough so that tips are just a nice bonus, not the thing they need to be able to pay their own bills.

[Butterscotch.]

It has nothing to do with not being paid enough. It's the federal minimum wage for hospitality workers. It would be up to the managers, but only if the business has enough profit to pay these employees above minimum wage. They get much more in tips than they do in their wages. I remember when I was working at a cafe last year, I only made $17.50 an hour but I can't tell you how many times I was wiping tables and a customer had left four crisp $20 bills. These servers and bartenders made an easy $400 - $600 per day/night while I made less than $100.