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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Adoption Pros and Cons - June 5th 2009, 06:49 PM

What do you think of adoption?

Would give your baby or child up for adoption (if for whatever reason you couldn't take care of him or her)?

Would you ever adopt a child or infant?

Why or why not?

What do you think the positive and negative effects of adoption are on all of the parties (the child and the biological and adoptive parents)?

--------

As an adoptee I'm interested in seeing how other people view adoption. And as its come up in another thread quite a bit, I thought I'd give people a chance to voice their opinion on the topic.
   
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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 5th 2009, 07:07 PM

What do you think of adoption?
I think adoption is a great thing. Sadly some mum's cannot carry a child to term and put it up for adoption, some just can't do that. Also there are just too many children without parents.
Would give your baby or child up for adoption (if for whatever reason you couldn't take care of him or her)?
It depends on the situation in which I got pregnant. If I chose to have a baby, I would keep it. If it wasn't my choice to get pregnant, rape for example, then yes. I doubt I would be able to carry it to term anyway, but if I did I couldn't keep it.

Would you ever adopt a child or infant? Yes. I actually plan on adopting some children and teenagers when I get older.

Why or why not?
Because there are just too many children without a place to call home. Older children and teens rarely get adopted, normally just shifted from one foster home or group home to another.So, when I'm older, I plan on giving those older children and teens a place to call home.

What do you think the positive and negative effects of adoption are on all of the parties (the child and the biological and adoptive parents)?
Well, if the parents gave the child up as an infant, the child will probably believe that no one wants it, and will feel abandoned. But at least they will have a good home.

If the child is taken away from it's parents when it's older, and the parents give up their rights, then I'm not sure. Maybe the child will feel safer, maybe they'll still feel unwanted, I really don't know.


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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 5th 2009, 08:24 PM

What do you think of adoption?
I think it's great! It's good for the kid, who otherwise wouldn't have parents to provide for them. It's good for the biological parents, who for some reason can't provide for their child. And it's good for the adoptive parents, who have the opportunity to expand their family.

Would give your baby or child up for adoption (if for whatever reason you couldn't take care of him or her)?
If adoption and abortion were the only two choices, I'd choose adoption hands down.

Would you ever adopt a child or infant?
Yes. I can see myself as an adoptive or foster parent.

Why or why not?
Because there are so many kids that need good homes, and not enough people willing to provide for them. Plus, I believe family relationships are built more through social interaction than through genetics. (So even though my kids wouldn't biologically related to me, they'd still be my kids.)

What do you think the positive and negative effects of adoption are on all of the parties (the child and the biological and adoptive parents)?
Well, for the kid it must sometimes be frustrating not knowing what your biological parents were like, or what their life would have been like if they had not been adopted. The biological parents might be sad to know that someone else is raising their child, and the adoptive parents might feel that they can't fill their adoptive child's curiosity to know their biological parents.
And of course, if one of the parties needs an organ donor, it might make things a little more complicated.


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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 5th 2009, 08:25 PM

I personally dont like adoption, I was adopted as a baby and it has had a negitive impact on my life. I would never give up a baby or child and theres no away I would ever adopt, I wouldnt want someone else feeling the way I feel about being adopted.


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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 5th 2009, 08:30 PM

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Originally Posted by Confused1isin View Post
I personally dont like adoption, I was adopted as a baby and it has had a negitive impact on my life. I would never give up a baby or child and theres no away I would ever adopt, I wouldnt want someone else feeling the way I feel about being adopted.
If you don't mind me asking, what negative impact did it have on your life? How bad did it make you feel that you would never adopt or give up your child for adoption?

Sorry, I don't mean to pry and you don't have to answer, I'm just curious.


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Post Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 5th 2009, 08:52 PM

BEING AN ADOPTEE


What do you think of adoption?

If a mother isn't prepared to become a parent, adoption is the best choice possible. It allows the life to have a better opportunity. It's just like drawing the luck of the lottery as I've heard an adoption book say, some are placed with the Kents, others with the Lars (Star Wars), while others in poorer conditions. But, still one's able to live on.

Would give your baby or child up for adoption (if for whatever reason you couldn't take care of him or her)?

If I couldn't take care of my child, I'd definitely put them into adoption. It's the system I come from and despite some difficulties I consider myself to be the Man of Steel. I'd also try to make it an open-adoption, in case my child ever wanted to find out about his or her origins.

Would you ever adopt a child or infant?

I'd do both, have biological and adopted children. I know the difficulties that many older orphans can face and I'd like to provide a stable home for them to thrive in.

Why or why not?

There's a lot of older orphans out there without a home, lots of people go just for infants. These children also need a home and some kind of stable ground to stand on. I also believe that I can really understand them because I’m an adoptee and I know how it’s a split between cool and scary.

Being an adoptee

I'll try to sum this up as best I can, but it's a very hard thing for people to understand without reading it a certain way.

It's like any other life. There's ups and downs, and sometimes those ups and downs are mixed.

It is part of being a minority group, which is hard at times, everybody thinks it's easy to be Superman. But let's look at what happened to Superman - he was sent across the stars from an exploding planet. As any international adoptee can tell you, that's anything but easy. We're the aliens, as an adoptee these alien characters are the ones I relate to the most - whether it be Superman, 'Roswell,' etc.

We're the mythic heroes. Everyone says they want to be the mythic hero, but they don't know what it entails. Stage one is losing your parents, kinda why I've always found people wanting that as rather odd. However, it's not entirely bad either - hell, you're whole life is and can be an adventure at times because of this. As an adoptee you're more tied into mythology than anyone can ever hope to be. I can look at superheroes and relate to them on a deeply personal level that others may never understand. They're all adoptees, they're all orphans in some way, shape or form. You can even throw Wolverine into the mix - X2 was an adoptee film, as stated by adopted director Bryan Singer.

You're naturally a cosmic castaway. Many adoptees have stated they feel like an alien, a creature of some sort that's different and apart from the human race. That's part of the reason why you see adoptees in media several times taking the forms of aliens - hell, even kids who think they're aliens in the case of 'Martian Child.'

Oddly one of the books I’ve read to try to understand everything going on in my life that has a close connection is Joseph Campbell’s “Hero with a thousand faces.”

This is how I see my birth father:

Oh, Lord of the Universe
I will sing thee a song.
Where canst thou not be found?
Where I pass – there art thou.
Where I remain – there, too, thou art.
Thou, thou, and only thou.

Doth it go well – tis thanks to thee.
Doth it go ill – tis thanks to thee.

Thou art, thou hast been, and thou wilt be.
Thou didst reign, thou reignest, and thou wilt reign.

Thine is Heaven, thine is Earth.
Thou fillest the high regions,
And thou fillest the low regions.
Wheresoever I turn, thou, oh, thou art there.”


This poem can be found in Joseph Campbell’s book in the ‘Atonement with the Father’ stage of the hero’s life. Every positive and negative I reflect back upon him. I look in the mirror and I see my father at twenty-one years old. I want to find him, I want to see him, I’m angry at him, I hate him, I want to be with him, he’s my biological father. The duality of this is really intriguing for me.

I feel like I have too much of my father in me, like Luke Skywalker. But, also I don’t want to descend to the dark side – I want to be a Jedi.

I see my biological mother as a hero, she made the hardest choice that a mother could make. She sent me across the stars to a better life where everything’s coming together for me. It’s hard being the chosen one – hey, everything happens for a reason – which adds extra pressure than I’m sure nonadoptees don’t have to deal with, but I somehow get by.

Earlier in your life, you lose track of them, you don’t think about them. Then, at some cracking point it all comes flooding back. You can’t run from who you are, which I’ve tried to unconsciously do my whole life. When my cousin died, this was the moment that changed my life forever. It opened the “primordial wound.”

Clark Kent said it best on ‘Smallville:’

“Mom, I know how much you love me and how much dad... but I've always felt... different. Because I am. And Raya was the first person I ever met who could really understand that. And I don't think I ever really thought about what I'd lost... a family, a whole race of people who were just like me. For the first time, I'm ready to stop running... from who I really am... from my destiny.”

It seems like this moment comes for many guys in their early twenties and late teens… in a way we were raised to search as I’ve heard someone say once and this is definitely true. Luke Skywalker leaves Tattoine and finds Anakin. Clark Kent leaves Smallville to journey to the Fortress of Solitude. Land Before Time, Little Foot’s search for the Great Valley. And so on…

This search entails of a couple of things. Personal and physical. Personal in that you travel through yourself in hopes of finding what’s natural and what’s nurture. What’s the side that you lost long ago? The other is the physical search for a reunion with one’s biological parents which has been occurring more and more recently. I see it as once these things are accomplished, once the nature and nurture side are harnessed, we can become double the person – sorry to nonadoptees if that sounds arrogant. But, we can become a Superman of sorts through our perilous journeys.

My adoptive Mom pointed one thing out to me, most other children are forced by their parents into becoming like them. I’ve seen this dozens of times. While I was always taught by my adoptive parents that we chart our own destinies and that nothing is impossible.

Now, I’ll descend into the darkest regions that I’m sure others have heard about. The “monster child,” yes this fear does exist. It’s another side of the mythology – the destroyer, the conqueror, etc. My greatest fear is that there’s something wrong with me and that others may one day discover my secret. Any negative thought that appears in my head, I’m afraid that that may be my true nature. At times I do feel like a mistake, but I’m getting over that as I get older. But, actually when you look at it - it's the same thing that happens when parents get divorced or a parent runs out on the family, the child is always left feeling like they're to blame. Thus, I'd say the feelings are very along the lines of those situations, just you lose your biological parents and roots...

Connor Angel is the best repesentative of this and there is a form of anger towards the birth father – thus, the atonement with the father stage that I’m sure one could go on both the personal and physical scale.

This is a scene that hits home for me:

My Favourite Videos 2 :: MPEG_Friendster - TV Angel S3 Ep20 A New World video by spideygirlspinz - Photobucket

However, after that Steven does start naturally calling himself Connor, like I’m starting to naturally refer to myself as Serge (birth name: Sergio). On ‘Smallville,’ for a while Clark went by Kal, the shortened form of Kal-El… this stage is also described in the books as starting to accept our birthright.

I’ve regressed in several different types of emotions. Frozen solid with fear. Crying out for my mother. Being outraged at my father and boxing an invisible opponent that I picture as my birth father. Birthdays are especially hard, from what I've read, because it's the anniversary of the day you were given away - surprisingly I found this to be true for many adoptees. And there's a greater fear of being disowned, if it happened once - it can easily happen again. Yeah, I’m a little screwed up – but, so is everyone else. Life’s harsh, cruel and it sucks – but, that’s life. You get back up to fight another day. As far as being balanced in life, I'm actually a lot more balanced and ahead in my life than everyone else I know at this stage in their life and I think the journey/adventure the good and the bad has a lot to do with that.

Part of this anger at being taken away is sometimes displaced on the adoptive parents. I know I showed unreasonable anger towards my adoptive father earlier in my life, only to later realize that it was always targeted against my birth father. I kinda find it funny that we all want to attack him in some way – Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader, Connor vs. Angel, and so on.

I’m an alien from another planet. I’m your mythic hero marching through a storm to save the day. I’m Superman. I’m the destroyer. I’m all those things in one.

We’re different than nonadoptees, a different subspecies of human. That will forever separate us as I’ve learned and seen over the years. Comically at times nonadoptees want to be us and we want to be them, that alone shows how double sided this all is in leading different kinds of lifes.

For songs that really connect on a personal level:
Quote:
“No Hard Feelings” Saliva

“Amy Hit the Atmosphere” Counting Crows

“Dear Father” Sum 41

“Feeling for a Moment” Feeder

“I’m Still Here” Johnny Rzeznik

“Forget It” Breaking Benjamin

“Breathe” Breaking Benjamin

“Caught in the Sun” Course of Nature

“The Scientist” Coldplay

“Crawling in the Dark” Hoobastank

“Superman (It’s not easy)” Five For Fighting
I'm a writer, it can also be found strongly in my work, here's an episode that I wrote about two brothers, Sam and Dean, mid-twenties- yet, based on 'Supernatural':

Quote:
INT. HOME - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Cold night air breezes through the house. Lightning crashes outside. In the bed, a man and woman are in the middle of hot and heavy sex. The woman orgasms, this is MARY WINCHESTER!

MARY
Oh John, John...

We angle on DEVIL JOHN WINCHESTER’S face as he looks up. His flesh pulls back revealing glowing RED EYES.

EFFECTS: We travel through Mary’s body, through the watery passage to see a baby wrapped around an umbilical cord.

EFFECTS: The Baby’s eyes open, white light shoots out.

INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT

Hospital STAFF hurries around a cramped room. Mary holds tightly onto the gurney as she SCREAMS in agony. JOHN WINCHESTER stands beside her. The MEDICAL DOCTOR kneels.

MEDICAL DOCTOR
Push, push!!! The baby’s coming!

Blood pours out. The Doctor takes the baby, it’s a GROTESQUE MONSTER! The Medical Doctor shows the baby to Mary. John stares on in horror. The baby slowly morphs into a human. John glares at his wife.

JOHN
How could you?

MARY
It was a mistake. I didn’t know John. I didn’t know.

Track with the Medical Doctor and the baby as it’s handed over to John. John glares at the baby.

JOHN
You little monster, how could anyone ever love you?

John grins as he morphs into Belzebub. The baby cries.
Samuel is the dark double of Sam (all in his head)

Quote:
EXT. LOS VEGAS - NIGHT - SURREAL

Sam stares at Samuel. Samuel swerves around him.

SAMUEL
You know the truth. You were never wanted Sam. Your Mom never expected to get pregnant! Especially with the devil’s son, but look at where we both are. You finally know the truth about who you are. About who you’ve always been. You might have been able to act like you were part of the Winchester family all along, no matter how dysfunctional, but now you know the truth. That you were always an imposter. You never belonged to them. They were always just watching over you like a master would watch over their dog. You were nothing to them. They weren’t your family. You always knew you didn’t belong with them, but for some reason you thought you could always fight this feeling of never belonging. There was always something holding you away from truly being theirs and it was more than just the blood coursing through your veins. It’s genetics. You’re nothing like them. But, now we can finally be whole again.

SAM
That’s not who I’m supposed to be.

SAMUEL
No? You’ve felt it and every year it gets worse and worse. I know. I can tell. Inside you know you’re a mistake Sam. You’re mother never wanted you. I know how awful that must sound, but it’s the truth. She never loved you. You were just another illegitimate child. A lost boy with no home, you will never know home. What home is truly supposed to feel like, because that was stripped away from you the second you were born. But, if we merge. You can finally be free.
But, we also have a stronger feeling about what it TRULY means to be family that I think many nonadoptees miss out on.

Quote:
EXT. OPEN ROAD - NIGHT

Sam gets out of the Impala, he closes the door and leans against it. Dean gets out and looks at Sam concerned.

SAM
I was afraid of how you’d react.

DEAN
How I’d react?

Sam solemnly nods his head.

DEAN (CONT’D)
You’re my brother, I’ll always be there for you man. I’d never judge you. That’s what family does.

SAM
You’re not my brother.

DEAN
What?

SAM
We’re, you and me, we’ve never been brothers Dean.

DEAN
Why would you say such a thing?

SAM
Because it’s true. The devil told me what happened. About Mom, how she made a deal so she wouldn’t have a failed pregnancy. The devil tricked her, disguising itself as Dad to have me. I was a mistake Dean.

DEAN
No, you’re not a mistake. Never think that. Okay?

SAM
Mom never wanted me.

DEAN
Maybe it was unexpected, but she loved you. She spent every single waking hour with you. You were her world Sam. Plus, remember how when we returned home - she apologized. No, she loved you. Unconditionally.

SAM
What about you and Dad?

DEAN
If you seriously think blood relations matter, then I don’t know as much about you as I thought. You’re still my brother, whether you like it or not, you always will be. Nothing. Nothing can ever change that, do you hear me?

Sam nods.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Good. Because being brothers isn’t about what’s in your blood. It’s about what’s in your heart. I’d die for you in an instant, I’d kill for you in a heart beat. You’ve always been there for me and I’ll always be there for you. Because that’s what brothers do for each other. So if people want to tell you that we’re not brothers just because of blood - they can go to hell for all I care. Because that’s not even close to the truth. All right?

SAM
Thanks.

Now to ask you a question, imagine I told you right now your parents aren’t really your parents. What kind of questions would you ask? What kinds of dreams would you have? What kinds of nightmares would you have? That’s the life of an adoptee, fighting through an endless mystery. That’s why eventually a lot of us journey to Alkali Lake (Wolverine, Weapon X) in hopes of meeting our creator.

-------

I know that the above's really long, but a lot of times I see nonadoptees trying to over think things. Everyone's lives have their ups and downs, adoptees are just the same. But, the only difference we're - as best a phrase I can use to describe it- a sub-species of human beings. It's neither good nor bad, like everything else - it just is. And at the end of the day, as I said, I kinda find it cool being able to relate to superheroes in such a degree others will never quite grasp.


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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 5th 2009, 09:09 PM

The best thing about being adopted is that we are able to grasp almost automatically a concept which many non-adoptees are never able to:

Family is about love. It is about how you feel about the people in your life and how they feel about you. I was born from my mother's heart, and that is just as strong a bond as the bond of blood.
   
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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 5th 2009, 09:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PhoenixAlive View Post
The best thing about being adopted is that we are able to grasp almost automatically a concept which many non-adoptees are never able to:

Family is about love. It is about how you feel about the people in your life and how they feel about you. I was born from my mother's heart, and that is just as strong a bond as the bond of blood.
Yeah, that's one of the things we're able to know and as evidenced when in shows brothers are revealed to not be brothers (Prison Break). We know that that doesn't matter. Blood doesn't matter. Family transcends that. In my view family is someone you're so strongly bonded with that you're willing to do anything to secure their safety for, even kill. Yeah, I'm kinda Hamlet. But, I was in that situation once where I had to save my sister and was willing to do anything to do it.
   
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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 6th 2009, 01:22 AM

In theory, I think adoption is a good alternative. But practically, if every unwanted pregnancy was continued and the child put up for adoption, the system would rapidly become overwhelmed.


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If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life
that will live on in the memories of your loved ones."
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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 6th 2009, 01:32 AM

What do you think of adoption?

I think adoption is a great thing. I plan on adopting a kid, as well as having a kid.

Would give your baby or child up for adoption (if for whatever reason you couldn't take care of him or her)?


Well first I would see if any of my close friends or family would like to take care of him/her for me. But then if they couldn't I would turn to putting my child up for adoption.

Would you ever adopt a child or infant?


I do plan on adopting.

Why or why not?


I plan on adopting because this may sound wierd...but I love ethnic babies. and so I really want to adopt a baby from China and a baby from Africa.

What do you think the positive and negative effects of adoption are on all of the parties (the child and the biological and adoptive parents)?


I think adoption is great for women who can't have kids. That way they can still have kids, even if they're not their own. I think adoption is great for people who can't take care of there kids because it allows the parents a safe place to put their kids.
I can't really think of any negative things besides to turn it around and say that the people adopting your children might not be good people. =/


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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 6th 2009, 01:41 AM

I wrote a 12 paged essay about the adoption process, but I won't bore you guys with it here.

Suffice it to say, I interviewed my own parents as well as two other sets of adoptive parents about what they had to go through to adopt a child. Adoptive parents must go through a battery of screening tests (financial, police records, medical, and psychological) before they are allowed to enter into the process of adoption. Its practically like being licensed to have a kid. Biological parents don't have to do that at all.

I also found a scientific study which showed that most adoptive parents are better able to provide and care for their children than biological parents.
   
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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 6th 2009, 01:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PhoenixAlive View Post
I also found a scientific study which showed that most adoptive parents are better able to provide and care for their children than biological parents.
That makes sense. Because some parents didn't intentionally have their kids, or just don't treat their kids right. But when you adopt a kid, you have to want a kid, and want to help and care for a kid. Plus, you have to go through that long journey (Not that I'm saying that having a kid isn't a long journey), and I heard it is really expensive.


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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 6th 2009, 01:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DontGiveUpHope View Post
That makes sense. Because some parents didn't intentionally have their kids, or just don't treat their kids right. But when you adopt a kid, you have to want a kid, and want to help and care for a kid. Plus, you have to go through that long journey (Not that I'm saying that having a kid isn't a long journey), and I heard it is really expensive.
I just found that study, and my essay.

Okay, here are some fun facts:

In Canada from application to the POSSIBILITY of receiving a child, the process takes minimum 9 months. Then there is a minimum 6 month waiting period after the child is taken into the adoptive parents' home. During this time an adoption worker supervises the family's relationships and if there are any problems, she either helps resolve them, or takes the child out of the home. The full process of adoption can take up to 3 years.

It costs roughly $8000-$10,000, and all of that comes out of the adoptive parents' pocket.

Last edited by PhoenixAlive; June 6th 2009 at 11:06 AM.
   
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Re: Adoption Pros and Cons - June 6th 2009, 12:54 PM

What do you think of adoption?
I think its really good thing, I want to adopt when I am older.

Would give your baby or child up for adoption (if for whatever reason you couldn't take care of him or her)?
I don't think I physically could, I mean, after holding my sisters baby, and feeling my bond to HER, I don't think I could ever give my own baby away.

Would you ever adopt a child or infant?
YES

Why or why not?
I would love to take a child who has no one to love them and show them that this world can be ok. So I would adopt a kid, not a baby.

What do you think the positive and negative effects of adoption are on all of the parties (the child and the biological and adoptive parents)?
Well, obviously its hard on the parents, but in the UK children are rarely adopted if there is a chance they can go back to there biological families.




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