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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 17th 2010, 09:14 PM

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/s...st/8570398.stm

Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.
Lithuanian Varinauskas admitted a charge of assault at Aberdeen Sheriff Court and was fined 600.
The court heard he had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence at his home in Aberdeen.
Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November.
They arrived to find the self-employed engineer sitting on the sofa wearing a pair of underpants.

Fiscal depute Elaine Lynch said: "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."
Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "He was sitting on the couch drunk with his pants on.
"He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened.
"He has never been so drunk before that day and accepts he has to take full responsibility. He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed."
His not guilty plea to committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks was accepted by the Crown.
Sheriff Annella Cowan was told that the Lithuanian had now quit binge drinking because of the incident.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 17th 2010, 09:19 PM

I hope I'm not the only person that finds this funny...
Another reason to not drink though I suppose.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 17th 2010, 09:35 PM

^ thats just too funny!!!



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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 17th 2010, 10:05 PM

Hilarious!


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 17th 2010, 10:13 PM

Hahahahaha.

I mean, er, how rude...
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 17th 2010, 10:36 PM

I know I shouldn't find it funny but I really do =))


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 17th 2010, 11:25 PM

This made my day xD



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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 17th 2010, 11:36 PM

Okay. That's just, ew.


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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 02:48 AM

I can't even imagine his face when he got over the hungover and realized he got in trouble for trying to hit someone with his dong. "Wait honey...what did you say I did last night?"


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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 03:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelowZero View Post
I can't even imagine his face when he got over the hungover and realized he got in trouble for trying to hit someone with his dong. "Wait honey...what did you say I did last night?"
I imagine he will be divorced soon..


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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 03:42 AM

LOL! This makes me wonder... was the "flat tire" a metaphor in addition to being an actual tire that was flat?
   
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 04:35 AM

I find this both profoundly hilarious and disturbing. I think this has to be a first...well first publicized case anyway xD


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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 02:14 PM

I know I shouldn't find this so funny, but I laughed


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  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 02:30 PM

Hi Everyone!!

I hope you're having a super fine day.

None of you are alone.... I BURST out laughing!!

And I couldn't help but think....

That must be ONE impressive penis if he can use it as a CLUB!!

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  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 02:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaCraig View Post
Hi Everyone!!

I hope you're having a super fine day.

None of you are alone.... I BURST out laughing!!

And I couldn't help but think....

That must be ONE impressive penis if he can use it as a CLUB!!

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!
That was actually my thought. Oh... the mental pictures I conjured...


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  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 03:26 PM

how did he reach her head? :/

anyways, very weird and pretty hilarious..


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  (#17 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 03:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaCraig View Post
That must be ONE impressive penis if he can use it as a CLUB!!
QFT! I laughed as well. And yeah, that'd be a bit sketchy for the policewoman, but so much more embarrassing for the guy. Poor fool.


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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 05:23 PM



My dad told me about this yesterday and I lol'd so much. Must've been a pretty big one.


   
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 05:35 PM

In conclusion; Epic Dong Man has an Epic Dong.

And yeahh, whilst I do feel sorry for the policewoman subjected to that, I still have to laugh xD.




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  (#20 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 18th 2010, 05:38 PM

You know.... I just realized. Everyone feels so bad for how embarrassed that guy must be, but think about it. The world now knows he has a huge freaking penis if he can use it as a club. He's got bragging rights now


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  (#21 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 20th 2010, 01:52 AM

LOL! Okay ummm...Wtf?


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  (#22 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Man used penis to assault female police officer - March 20th 2010, 01:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaCraig View Post
That must be ONE impressive penis if he can use it as a CLUB!!
HAHAHA. My thoughts exactly.
The guy with the large penis must be pretty embarrassed that he did this,
but TheNumber42 is right, he now has bragging rights for sure!
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