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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Engaged too young? - September 9th 2010, 08:12 PM

Okay, so I wasn't sure where to put this. Move, if you would like.

Anyways, do you think people are getting engaged even married too young?

I am engaged (but not getting "married" for a long whileee) but I know way too many people 19 and younger who are engaged. I even know people I went to school with who are married. People who haven't even met are engaged (which really puzzles me).

I am engaged because I have already met her several times and I know I want to be with her and have her in my life forever.

Do you think like we are all moving too fast? Why are people getting engaged this young?


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 9th 2010, 08:24 PM

I do think people are getting engaged too young, but more than anything, too quickly.

I knew this couple in high school, they were 17, had been dating for like, a month, and he proposed to her. She said Yes, they got married right after finishing high school, and if I'm not mistaken, they divorced a year or two later.

Age isn't the biggest issue I'm seeing, but rather the hurry to rush into an engagement/marriage with someone. I mean, do you REALLY need to get engaged when you've only been dating a couple months? NO! However, if people who have been together for, say, 2 or 3 years, got together at 16, got engaged at 18 and married at 20, I don't see an issue with that.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 9th 2010, 08:46 PM

I think people are getting engaged and married too young and too soon. Most of them end up unhappy or break up, whereas people who get engaged older seem to have a much more successful relationship.
   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 9th 2010, 09:48 PM

My freshman year of high school there were two seniors who started dating 3 months before the school year ended. They were engaged that summer and stayed engaged for 5 years before getting married. And they are very happily married.

Point being I think that younger than 18 is too young to be engaged because I just don't believe that you really know what you're doing, and if you think you're going to spend the rest of your life with that person, then what's the problem with waiting? About going to fast though, I believe that if my friends had gotten married right away they might not have worked. I believe they needed that time pre-marriage. So you can get engaged as fast as you like, I do think you should wait a bit before marriage though and see how good you guys live together and such.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 9th 2010, 11:11 PM

I think if they can't support themselves like big boys and girls then they shouldn't be married like big boys and girls.

I've been with my guy for 2 years but I don't plan on getting married for a long time. I'm too young.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 12:35 AM

I think that in order to get engaged you must first at least meet the person I cannot imagine getting engaged without meeting the other person =/
But now to the question I think people that are engaged and planning on getting married should at least be living on their own, like Holly said you should be able to support yourself and your future partner. Age doesn’t matter but at least know your partner good enough.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 01:34 AM

I do think a lot of people are rushing a bit. I have a friend thats engaged and shes 16. Shes been with her current boyfriend for like a year but they got engaged when they had been dating for like a month. I think thats way to fast. Shes also been engaged before she got engage within the month and think like a year later they broke up.

Now im not saying this happens to everybody. But some people really do rush.

I think if you've been dating for a good while have met the person and are really in love then its fine to get engaged. But if you engaged young you should atleast wait a few years to get married so you guys can grow up a bit and things change with time.

Also I think that many people get engaged just to say that they're engaged. They make it seem like its the cool thing to get engaged so people do it at a younger age. Not all people do this but a lot do at my school.

Also I've noticed that once they got engaged they became sexually active then after awhile they broke up. So it kind of seemed like the guy just asked her because he wanted to have sex with her. Again I know not all people are like this.


   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 02:11 AM

People are immature. Yes, so many people are getting engaged too young. And it's just idiotic. There should be no reason to put an engagment on a relationship if you're not going to get married soon to me.



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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 02:42 AM

Yes.

You see...This generation I feel like people are way too dependent on relationships. It can get so bad that these people don't even know what it's like to be on their own.

In my opinion, being young is about being independent and discovering who you are. You can't do that if you're constantly in relationships or in love. I used to be friends with this one girl...She went out with my best friend for 5 years. They broke up...And she had no idea what to do with herself. I saw her a few times and she was a wreck. So what was her solution? A month later, she got a new boyfriend. Since then, she's gone through about 5 different boyfriends (3 years ago they broke up). She has no idea what it's like to be single. I know other people are the the exact same way. Like them, I think people get way too dependent on others/relationships and as a result don't know how to take care of themselves.

When we're young, we need to live for ourselves. We need to take care of ourselves. We need independence. If you can't even take care of yourself, how can you expect to be in a healthy relationship?

I personally don't plan on getting married until, MINIMUM, 28-29. I'd rather get married in my 30s.
   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 07:26 AM

I had a friend in school (well. she was my best friend's sister) and was engaged when she was 14 I just knew it was never going to happen :/ they kept breaking up all time time anyway :/ They were only together for a few months before they got engaged. People do rush too far into things :/

It doesn't really bother me though, it's their life, not mine.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 07:43 AM

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Originally Posted by Lugez View Post
In my opinion, being young is about being independent and discovering who you are. You can't do that if you're constantly in relationships or in love.
THIS!!! People change, especially between the ages of 16 and 23, and the person you want to be with may become someone else very quickly. Indeed your idea the person you want to be with could also change. Getting married young is a problem, getting engaged young not so much but marriage is a futile wish when your immediate future and that of your partner is change.
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 09:02 AM

I think that if the person your with is the one and you see yourself with them forever! Then i dont think it is a problem in doing so? At the end of the day this shows both of you and other people that you are meant to be!

I am 19 and me and my boyfriend have been together 1 and a half years and i love him so much and i can see myself with him like forever..

My ex who i was with for 5 years, well i loved him so much but i knew he wasnt the one that i would be with forever.

So from 5 years i loved the guy but i knew it wasnt going to be
and the 1 and a half year realtionship, yeah its a short time but it doesnt matter about time it matters what the feelings your having inside.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 11:07 AM

Wow, personally I don't know anyone who's been married very young... one of my school friends got engaged to her boyfriend at seventeen. They were planning to get married in August just gone, when she'd turned twenty, but they broke up three months after he proposed because he cheated on her, and she's had several boyfriends since then... now she can't see what she saw in him.
I don't want to offend anyone by saying this, but personally, I find it very hard not to view teenage engagements with scepticism. I think it's because I can't see myself ever agreeing to spend the rest of my life with someone for years ~ well, at least another six or seven years. I'm nearly twenty but I think that's still too young.
I think a lot of young teens are in love with the romantic idea of agreeing to be together forever, but they mightn't necessarily understand that the reality of marriage isn't always that romantic. It's difficult and it's permananent and it's a lot of hard work.
All this being said though...both my grandmothers got married at the age of twenty or twenty-one and as far as I know they had really long and happy marriages.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 05:55 PM

I didn't see anything wrong with getting "Engaged" at 16 when I was 16 LOL!
But now that I've been married for almost 4 years the whole 'weight'/ 'meaning' of engagement has finally settled.

Marriage is HARD WORK. Two people have to make sure a house hold runs smoothly, kids are fed happy and healthy, partner is happy and healthy etc. There will be fights or small arguments it's not going to be some fairytale which is what most teens expect. "Oh yeah I'll fall in love, get married and every thing will be fine and dandy!"


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 06:22 PM

I happened to be one of the crazy people that got engaged at 20, which, in some peoples' opinions, is too young. However, my fiance and I are planning on waiting a couple of years until I finish school, and he gets out of his military training. Yes, we got engaged pretty young, but we also have good heads on your shoulders and sense enough to wait to get married for a while.
I get mad at people who get engaged and married too young, but moreso at those who get engaged and married too quickly. My opinion is... Wait until you know what your future holds. Know where your life is taking you, and know where you want to go with it. And most importantly... Before getting engaged, know yourself. Completely. Because kids are starting to get married too young, they're still going through a lot of personality shifts. Your maturity level changes, you learn about yourself and what you want out of life, you and your husband/wife become different people, and many times, your husband/wife doesn't want to go that direction with you, resulting in a divorce.

It's ridiculous. No one should have to go through divorce so early in life. If you make it work, good for you! But I really don't see why people can't just -wait- a little longer.

To give you an example... My brother and his wife met in October, got engaged back in April (right after my fiance and I got engaged), and they eloped in June. Neither of them have jobs, neither of them knows how to take care of themselves, and they live with my parents. Not 2 months after being married, they got into a huge fight and they were both considering divorce. Already. To me, it's absolutely insane. Neither one of them is mature enough for a relationship, much less a marriage.
My brother even told me at one point that, "Just because I'm married, it doesn't change anything. I'm still gonna do what I want, when I want." He as a LOT to learn.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 08:34 PM

I guess my general opinion on the matter is that if you (not you specifically, people in general) think you will be together for your whole lives then it won't matter if you wait a few years. I know some people do make it work but my view is that it is young to get engaged and it's hard to know what the right thing to do is. I don't think it's my place to interfere though, if someone is happy to be engaged then that's up to them, I haven't got a problem with it


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 09:54 PM

If you marry someone (life commitment, btw) before you're 25, IMO, you're too young. There's absolutely no way that ANYONE can know if they want to stay with someone for the rest of their lives. It's not just marriage, party, honeymoon, children, happiness for the rest of your lives. It takes commitment, you have to make it work and there's gonna be lots of arguments. If you marry before about 25, I don't think you can understand your partner and yourself well enough to make the decision to stay with them for the rest of your life.
   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 10th 2010, 10:34 PM

It's really about maturity and not a number. I do think many people get married when they are still too immature, though.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 11th 2010, 10:06 AM

Quote:
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It's really about maturity and not a number.
While it's true that maturity is not directly linked to age, I have difficulty believing that even a very mature 19-year old is capable of deciding his/her entire future.
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 11th 2010, 12:14 PM

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While it's true that maturity is not directly linked to age, I have difficulty believing that even a very mature 19-year old is capable of deciding his/her entire future.
Exactly my opinion. Sure there'll be a few exceptions, but there's so few IMO that for anyone to say they're one of them is slightly unbelievable.
   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 11th 2010, 05:43 PM

Some how your magically different from the other people your age who are engaged?


To be honest, no one should marry at 19, in 10 years, your only 29, and its easier to say you won't get sick of someone than to do it.
   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 11th 2010, 05:46 PM

Im 19 and I too am engage,
I have friend who have waited 6 and 7 years to get married after engagement.
   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 11th 2010, 05:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mIssIng:nO View Post
Some how your magically different from the other people your age who are engaged?


To be honest, no one should marry at 19, in 10 years, your only 29, and its easier to say you won't get sick of someone than to do it.
LOL SOOOO TRUE!
My husband and I have days where little stupid things bother the crap out of us.. But then the next day we look back and just laugh.

It's hard work, as someone who is actually married and has been married since 19... it's not always a picnic. And yes, there are days when you're not sure if things will last..... But if you are committed to each other, and to the relationship you two have built/are still building then things can work.

I've watched many people throw in the towel at the first signs of trouble... some of them would've still been together if they had just agreed to work things out and take baby steps day by day.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 11th 2010, 05:47 PM

My best guess would be the reason so many young people want to get married so fast is because so many of us grew up in broken homes and we yearn for a loving family.

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting married young as long as you don't rush into it. I think all couples should live together for at least 6 months before deciding to get married. Living with someone is very different and much more difficult than just dating someone. That's a huge lesson I had to learn the hard way, unfortunately. However, if you can live with someone for 6+ months and you're still both happy and have a strong relationship, then your age shouldn't be too much of a problem.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 11th 2010, 10:35 PM

I don't know about engaged too young ("engaged" is such a loose term, really), but married...definitely. If you're in love and going to be together forever...well, you'll still be together in five or ten years. When you actually know how to balance a checkbook.



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Re: Engaged too young? - September 12th 2010, 05:22 PM

i definitely think a lot of people get engaged and married way too young. if it works out for them then great but more often than not the people i know who are 'engaged' end up breaking up. in my opinion being engaged when you're 14/15 is laughable. i'm yet to meet a 15 year old who could seriously understand and appreciate that kind of commitment. i couldn't and i'm nearly 18. i don't see myself being engaged or even in a very serious relationship in the next 10 years. i know not everyone is the same but we can only go by our own experiences and people we know, eh?


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 12th 2010, 05:26 PM

Yeah, people are getting engaged and married too young. I just think it's a bit silly. Yeah, we get you're in a long healthy relationship with someone. But you're 17, why are you getting engaged? You don't need to.

Argh. It just grinds my gears.



   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 12th 2010, 08:06 PM

Quote:
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Age isn't the biggest issue I'm seeing, but rather the hurry to rush into an engagement/marriage with someone. I mean, do you REALLY need to get engaged when you've only been dating a couple months? NO! However, if people who have been together for, say, 2 or 3 years, got together at 16, got engaged at 18 and married at 20, I don't see an issue with that.
I totally agree with this.
People tend to change more when they're in their teens, but that doesn't necessarily mean engagement at a young age is a bad idea. If you've known someone for years and you're certain of your feelings, it shouldn't matter how old you are. There are no age restrictions for falling in love.




   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 13th 2010, 05:13 AM

Well, not really? Decades ago people got married at 17 and 18, had babies at 18 and 19, etc. I mean, if you don't really know the person, you probably should wait. But if you love someone, and you know you'll always love them, then marrying them, at any age, shouldn't be a problem. And no, I'm not talking about a fifteen year old falling in love for the first time, but someone who is 19 or 20 falling in love and getting married. Marriage is really a personal decision. There isn't really a right or wrong, a straight yes or no answer. It just doesn't work like that.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 13th 2010, 09:42 AM

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Well, not really? Decades ago people got married at 17 and 18, had babies at 18 and 19, etc.
Decades ago many people married out of necessity, not love. You can't really say you want that practise back do you?
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 06:07 PM

I think its their choice, and their life. Plain and simple.




   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 06:55 PM

I think many people are engaged too young and too quick.

If you've met someone "a few times" then no... you have to know the person fully and meeting them so little is not the brightest of ideas.
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 06:57 PM

Well, getting engaged is different to getting married. I mean fair enough, someone at 16 could get engaged but not marry until they're like 20. I think it's important not to rush into things. I mean I don't even know if I want to get married and if I do I'd want to to it mid-20s not in my teenage years.

I do think it's a bit silly when I see on FB people who're 13/14 engaged though...
   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 06:57 PM

I also think that if your going to get engaged don't make it for years. Get engaged and start wedding planning in a decent amount of time.




   
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 08:33 PM

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Well, getting engaged is different to getting married. I mean fair enough, someone at 16 could get engaged but not marry until they're like 20. I think it's important not to rush into things. I mean I don't even know if I want to get married and if I do I'd want to to it mid-20s not in my teenage years.

I do think it's a bit silly when I see on FB people who're 13/14 engaged though...
Also, when people have only been dating for a couple months, maybe a few months tops, and put themselves as "Engaged" on Facebook. >_< Or MARRIED.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 08:45 PM

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Also, when people have only been dating for a couple months, maybe a few months tops, and put themselves as "Engaged" on Facebook. >_< Or MARRIED.
Ah, but tis all a joke really
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 09:07 PM

see, for me, it means to promise myself to her and vice versa. I plan to have a healthy life first and have my life on track first.

Being engaged doesn't mean being married right away, it is a promise to in a few years or more, to get married to eachother.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 09:08 PM

but you've met her only a few times... i still think that is too soon. My opinion though.
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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 09:12 PM

I don't see how that would matter? Atleast we did meet, unlike some couples. I have heard of 3 online engagements, without meeting.

If the couple can be able to stay in a long distance relationship for so long, I think they can do anything if they work hard on it.


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Re: Engaged too young? - September 14th 2010, 09:16 PM

I just think more of a physical relationship is needed before such a commitment.
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