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View Poll Results: Is spanking okay?
Yes, I was spanked and turned out just fine 14 22.58%
Yes, it has it's uses 8 12.90%
Sometimes it's okay 16 25.81%
No. 18 29.03%
It's never okay 19 30.65%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 62. You may not vote on this poll

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Is spanking ok? - February 21st 2009, 05:28 AM

Okay, so I know we had this thread in the old site, but I was curious about peoples opinions on this, and wanted to know what your thoughts on spanking are.Do you consider it abuse, or is it just a helpful bit of discipline?


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 21st 2009, 06:24 AM

I think that if a child is too young to understand right and wrong through words, they are too young to understand right and wrong through physical means. If they are old enough to understand right and wrong using words, that is how they should be communicated with. If they are too young it is the parent's duty to remove the child from the situation. Example, if Sally hits Jane, and doesn't know that it is bad and cannot understand explanations, Sally shouldn't play with Jane. If she hits Jane and is capable of understanding why it is wrong, it should be discussed with her.

Spanking only teaches a child to fear their parent's hands.

When a 40 year old does something wrong we don't spank them. If we did, it would be considered assault. How is it different for a parent to spank a child?



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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 21st 2009, 06:47 PM

I personally was spanked as a child and honestly it only made me fear my parents worse. I do not want to spank my children and have no plans to. I don't think that it conveys the right message to children.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 21st 2009, 06:49 PM

Yes, it works. Children are too thick to understand reality and words so physical violence will have to suffice
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 21st 2009, 08:20 PM

I was never spanked. And I don't think it's okay. If you spank a child that child is going to think it's okay to 'spank' other people. They need to talked to and punished through time out or getting something taken away.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 21st 2009, 08:21 PM

So how do you propose to install discipline in an unruly child, especially in public
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 21st 2009, 08:28 PM

I have to say, I was spanked when I was young, and I turned out lovely if I do say so myself.
It did not happen lots, and only when I was very very bad.
I have a fantastic relationship with both my parents, so I see no problem in it, as long as it is used in the right circumstances, and not too often.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 21st 2009, 08:32 PM

If you look at psychological reports a large amount of them seem to say that spanking is a bad idea. However, the academic side doesn't seem to match real life and in real life spanking works, I've seen the results compared to some well meaning and liberal but in effect useless parenting from others.

The most primitive teacher is pain, we put our hands in the fire in the cave and it hurts. So we don't do it again. You pee all over the floor in the supermarket or throw a tin of peas at your cousin's head, you get hurt by your parents via spanking. So you don't do it again.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 12:27 AM

No. It's never ok.

It just encourages more violence.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 12:30 AM

I think spanking is fine. I was spanked as a child, and I'm not fazed by it in any way. As long as it's not hard to the point of abuse, it is an effective way in dealing with unruly children. A child's not going to listen to you if there is no punishment and when they're young, that can start out as a punishment. It's not harmful, I can't recall anyone ever being permentantly damaged from recieving a spanking. And if spankings were to be made illegal, how about high fiving? That's slapping, too.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 12:54 AM

Spanking is not okay. It teaches children that it's okay to hit people when they're not doing what you want them to.

My friend was spanked as a child, and wouldn't go near men anymore, because it was her dad who did it. She didn't understand it was because she had done something wrong, even though her parents had explained it. She didn't get why it was wrong, and spanking encourages parents to not explain WHY what they did was wrong.

In public, you take them out of wherever you are. Then, say if you're in a play place or something, don't let them go back. They blew it, they can't play now. If it's something that you need to get done, then they need to have a time-out in a car or in another semi-secluded area.

When you do something wrong, someone doesn't smack you, children deserve the same respect.



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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 03:29 AM

I don't know. I mean excessive spanking is of course abuse. But as I child I can only remember being spanked once, my dad rarely ever yelled at me, but the look he gets on his face when he is angry at me, that's scarier than any spanking. In fact I'd rather the spanking.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 03:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ghostlyheartbeat View Post
I have to say, I was spanked when I was young, and I turned out lovely if I do say so myself.
It did not happen lots, and only when I was very very bad.
I have a fantastic relationship with both my parents, so I see no problem in it, as long as it is used in the right circumstances, and not too often.
I agree, I was spanked a few times when I was young and I turned out fine. There's a difference between responsibly using it as discipline and abuse. Also, what Jack said, pain is a natural teacher.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 03:02 PM

no spanking is not okay..i was spanked often as a chil...and it only teaches that child to fear adults and to that its okay to hit people when they are doing something wrong....this is not a postive influence

there are plenty of other ways to deal with the situations if they are younger just remove them from with in the situation out them in time out...ect. if they are older have a civilized conversation with them..




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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 03:26 PM

Well, I don't agree that it should be done all the time but in some cases it does have it's uses. Like if the child was caught stealing or doing something else illegal I believe that it's okay to spank then as the law can't really punish them all that much if they're only 6 or 7 or whatever. I don't agree with spanking if the child's just done something minor like broken something.


   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 03:39 PM

I think it's difficult to say 'yes it's ok' or 'no it isn't ok' because it all depends on the situation. How hard the child is hit, whether they have the reasons explained to them and so on. I think in some cases it can help. As in a tap here or there if a child is too young to understand right and wrong through communication, but something to remember is that people will take things to their own level which can cause problems.

I would like to think that I wouldn't ever hit my child, but then I can't argue how else I would discipline them. My upbringing was so mixed and hypocritical I find it hard to answer things like this! So on that note, I definitely think that how you are raised and brought up effects you as a person; whether being hit gives a positive or negative effect is questionable though.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 07:23 PM

I was hit all the time, and I turned out okay for the most part. So were my sisters...I think if used in moderation, it helps.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 08:30 PM

That's another thing - spanking is thought as being 'hit', and being 'hit' is not ok.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 11:09 PM

Hitting any child, in any way, is and will always be one of the most horrid things any parent can do. In my life my parents have hit me a number of times. I remember all of these times and I have never forgiven them.

It's the complete opposite of what any loving and caring parent should practice. People who hit their children should be prosecuted for abuse.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 22nd 2009, 11:52 PM

If it's used as a last resort option, if the child can't understand that what they're doing is wrong, and if the minimal pain that comes from getting spanked is less harmful to the child than letting them go about misbehaving in those circumstances, then I think it's acceptable. It's a quick, temporary way to tell the child, "You should not do that" until they can comprehend a logical explanation.

Parents should never spank out of anger, or with the intent to harm, but if they're abiding by those parameters, I don't see it as a big deal. I'm not talking about abuse, I'm talking about a few smacks on the butt that don't even come close to leaving a mark. All in moderation.

I got spanked once or twice when I was little, and I can't even remember it. If it was excessive, I probably would be negatively impacted by it, but my parents were smart about it. It was for my own good, and it's not like I became terrified of them.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 23rd 2009, 12:23 AM

there is a big, big difference between spanking a kid and whaling on a kid. a light spanking is ok, as stated, because it teaches young children who don't yet understand the words "no", "yes", "right", or "wrong"; after a certain age, however, spanking should stop.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 23rd 2009, 12:30 AM

I was smacked and stuff as a kid, and it did help a bit I think.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 23rd 2009, 12:40 AM

I said sometimes, because I realise that it can be used correctly by some parents.
Personaly my father was violent, and had anger problems. This made spanking a little worse then what appears to be normal.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 23rd 2009, 12:40 AM

I was spanked and it did not help at all...so, I don't believe parents should spank their child.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 23rd 2009, 04:26 AM

Quote:
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Hitting any child, in any way, is and will always be one of the most horrid things any parent can do. In my life my parents have hit me a number of times. I remember all of these times and I have never forgiven them.

It's the complete opposite of what any loving and caring parent should practice. People who hit their children should be prosecuted for abuse.
I don't agree with that. While I think allot of times a there are other options to control the child, some kids are just stubborn and need to be hit/spanked. I do not think fists are ever needed though, an open hand or wooden spoon(god I hated that thing) does just the trick.

Plus, what about those other kids who curse and hit their parents? I think they should get hit right back.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 23rd 2009, 04:30 AM

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I don't agree with that. While I think allot of times a there are other options to control the child, some kids are just stubborn and need to be hit/spanked. I do not think fists are ever needed though, an open hand or wooden spoon(god I hated that thing) does just the trick.

Plus, what about those other kids who curse and hit their parents? I think they should get hit right back.
Wooden spoon! No. That's when it gets to be abuse. Hiting with any object, including the belt, is wrong.

You do have a point about kids who hit their parents, but hitting them back just reinforces their bad behavior.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 23rd 2009, 04:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by spider*man(girl) View Post
Wooden spoon! No. That's when it gets to be abuse. Hiting with any object, including the belt, is wrong.

You do have a point about kids who hit their parents, but hitting them back just reinforces their bad behavior.

Oh psh, do you know how durable a person's ass is? Sometimes that's the only thing that gets through to the kid. I don't advice hitting any skin though, same with belts, I don't think its right to hit skin with any object sides the hand, and even then, in moderation.

and I don't think it reinforces bad behavior. Kids can only hit so hard, when they realize they are getting hurt worse(by that I don't mean hitting hard enough to leave marks or seriously harm them, just enough for them to feel it) than the adult, I find they'll usually stop, because its really not worth fighting if your always going to loose.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 23rd 2009, 05:01 AM

At first I was thinking "Oh god, not a child, never use spanking!", but the more I think of it, sometimes a light rebuff isn't that bad - and like someone else said, especially if the child is getting violent. When my niece was going through a phase of biting everyone, her grandmother just had to bite her back once, and she's never done it again.

I always wonder about all of the studies and research people do on how to properly raise children...heck, you can get university degrees on how to raise a child properly...we are so touchy nowadays about what we can do with kids. Our parents and grandparents and so on were raised without all the paranoia we have nowadays surrounding children, and the majority of them seem to have turned out fine.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 24th 2009, 02:44 AM

I gotta say, even though lots of kids (including a bunch here, it seems!) were spanked and turned out just fine, that's not the kind of relationship I think a parent should have with a kid. I mean, parenting is about teaching kids ways to cope with life: teaching them how to behave and how to deal with situations. I think kids have to be able tot trust their parents and I know I couldn't trust someone who hit me when I did things wrong.
When I misbehaved as a kid, I was sent out of the room. If we were in public, my parents would take me home and I wouldn't get to go out next time. They'd always tell me "If you can only be company if you're going to be good comapny. If you're not being polite, you have to be somewhere else." The message got through, to me, anyway. Eventually, kids get sick of being bad company and behave more like we want them to.
I think when you hit a kid, he can't trust you any more. He won't go to you for help and he'll be afraid and try to hide misbehaviour. I think it encourages dishonesty in the kid, more than anything else. But hey, I'm sure there are exceptions. I just don't wanna take the risk to see if my kid (should I ever have any) is one of em.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 24th 2009, 03:15 AM

I was spanked. . . heck last year my dad hit me and I don't even live with him anymore! I guess it really depends on the parent. A slap on the palm or buttocks as a last resort when the kid is throwing a tantrum on the floor of the shopping center seems innocent enough. But when the parent does it just to induce fear and dominate their children. . . that's when it crosses to the realms of abuse.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 24th 2009, 03:31 AM

I think when done with some common sense and in moderation, it is just fine.

I honestly think that alot of kids have way too little discipline nowadays. I don't think that it should be ok to beat your kid with a belt like it used to be or anything like that, but there do need to be some ways of controlling kids that just won't listen to words and spanking is one of those ways that, in my opinion, when done right is relatively unharmful.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 24th 2009, 04:02 AM

How is anything that's a synonym of hitting okay? You tell a child not to hit their peers and then hit them? You change the name of it and call it a "spank", but it's still the same thing.

Just because you don't despise your parents for having spanked you doesn't make it right, either. At the time you were probably emotionally hurt that your parent's did that to you, and I doubt they comforted you afterwards.

Parents use spanking as an easy substitute for discussion, because they are too lazy to take the time to teach their children morals or they are unable to do so. Either case doesn't excuse it.

The fire situation, Jack, is different. YOU placed your hand in the fire. You didn't ask your parent's for a spanking. Words are effective. If a child doesn't understand words, how on earth do you suspect they'll understand why they are having their bottom hit?



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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 24th 2009, 04:16 AM

I put no. I want my kids to respect me. I don't see myself getting much respect while I bend them over my knee. Personally, I was spanked as a kid. By the hand of my dad. And with wooden spoons from my mom. I turned out ok. I used to flinch a lot. Not anymore though. It all depends on the child. If their parents, who are supposed to love them unconditionally, hit them, I think it puts a fear in them towards others. I think we're all civilized enough to get our points across with words. I think it's the parents responsibility to get their message across, without smacking. If you can't, find help that can.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 24th 2009, 04:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessie View Post
The fire situation, Jack, is different. YOU placed your hand in the fire. You didn't ask your parent's for a spanking. Words are effective. If a child doesn't understand words, how on earth do you suspect they'll understand why they are having their bottom hit?
And you didn't ask for the fire to burn your hand, it still happened. The pain is the part that tells you not to do something, it's the natural and primitive way of learning what to do and what not to do.

Words can be effective, I'm not advocating spanking INSTEAD of words instead I'm advocating it along side words or as a last resort when words fail.

Also, to be mildly contraversial, why does it matter if they know why they have their bottom hit? All they need to know is that they have done something that is considered bad enough to warrant a spanking and therefore not to do it.

For example, the reason I don't comit crimes is due to fear of punishment not because people have logically explained why I shouldn't comit crime to me.
   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 24th 2009, 05:11 AM

In my opinion the word spanking as in spanking a child is fine. Not just for any old thing. My best example is my dad's ex's kids. They were out of control she didn't do anything they called her every name under the sun, and hit her. Something like that, even the cop that went to settle one of her kids down said it was fine to spank his butt if he did something like that again. I think that's really the only acceptable time.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 03:43 AM

What about the threat of spanking? When I was a child my grandmother and aunt's would always threaten with this wooden spoon called the "Goosie stick." I never saw it, I'm sure my cousins did at points, but the threat of such a thing was enough to get them to stop. Yeah it still instills fear, but you can't really reason with a four year old. You can't tell a four year old, "Now dear that's very hot and if you touch it it will hurt very much so please don't touch it." and have them understand, they'll touch it and the fear of feeling that pain will stop them from doing it again. I think it's the same with spanking. A light spank of course, and don't make it a frequent thing because they the fear dissapates.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 04:05 AM

I think the threat of a spanking is just as bad. It's not necessary to raise your children based on fear.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 06:02 AM

^Ok but then tell me, how do you teach a young child not to do something. You may be lucky and have a child that does what they're told. But if this child was prone to attempting dangerous things, how else would you get across that doing these things are bad?


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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 06:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyComplex View Post
. I think we're all civilized enough to get our points across with words.
But what if the child's 3 or 4 and doesn't understand what they're doing is wrong? Then how do you get your point across?


   
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 07:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Boo Ghost View Post
But what if the child's 3 or 4 and doesn't understand what they're doing is wrong? Then how do you get your point across?
Exactly, a 3 or 4 year old doesn't understand what they're doing is wrong. So why spank them or use any kind of physical punishment. They still won't understand why it was wrong. The best way to get your point across is to model the positive behavior that you want to see from the child, but I understand that that won't always work. This is why consistency is important when dealing with children.


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