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View Poll Results: Is spanking okay?
Yes, I was spanked and turned out just fine 14 22.58%
Yes, it has it's uses 8 12.90%
Sometimes it's okay 16 25.81%
No. 18 29.03%
It's never okay 19 30.65%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 62. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#41 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 08:22 AM

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Originally Posted by spider*man(girl) View Post
Exactly, a 3 or 4 year old doesn't understand what they're doing is wrong. So why spank them or use any kind of physical punishment. They still won't understand why it was wrong. The best way to get your point across is to model the positive behavior that you want to see from the child, but I understand that that won't always work. This is why consistency is important when dealing with children.
I don't remember how young I was, but I was very little, round that age. And my mother would tell me to put my hands out and slap them (lightly, just enough to get the point across) while telling me what I did wrong. I understood what I was doing wrong then(not to say I didn't stop being bad :P).


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  (#42 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 03:56 PM

They might not understand yet that what they are doing is wrong, but they won't do it again, and if it's something dangerous then that's the most important part.


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  (#43 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 04:15 PM

If spanking enough "just to get your point across" is alright, where do we draw the line? When does it become abuse? Clearly, there IS a difference...but the areas are too grey to tell. A parent charged with abuse could easily pledge that the child was "bad", so it was not abuse.

If a child cannot understand what they did wrong, then they cannot understand that they are only hit for being bad. To them, it could easily feel like abuse. Not to mention that physical punishment could easily manifest into a pattern...ever heard of people who self-harm to "punish" themselves?

I will never, ever strike my child. I am personally very skittish and flinch often, and know that utter fear of impact all too well. I would never inflict that on ANYONE else, especially my own child.


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  (#44 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 04:44 PM

I don't think there's anything wrong with spanking when used appropriately. Obviously, this means that the spanking can't be excessive (doing it for everything a child does wrong, or spanking several times) for without good reason to do so. And
A swift smack on the butt is sometimes necessary to bring a child back to reality. A smack on the hands is okay if a child is using them improperly, etc.
And obviously, with the spank, the parent needs to tell the child what they did wrong so that they understand why they're getting spanked.
Not every child responds well to time out, a lecture, or whatever else you can think of. It's more abusive to let them continue misbehaving and not give them a proper set of guidelines than to give them a spank if they need it.


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  (#45 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 09:53 PM

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For example, the reason I don't comit crimes is due to fear of punishment not because people have logically explained why I shouldn't comit crime to me.
Exactly. Not all people are wonderful, good moral people. Many people follow laws due to fear of punishment, not because stealing or murder or whatever is "wrong". Also, people have different morals; what one person believes is "wrong" another person may think is fine. Many times children will only behave because of fear of punishment, not because they know it's wrong. HOWEVER, spanking should only be used in proper circumstances, such as if the child has already been told why it shouldn't do whatever it was doing and just doesn't care.

I know my Grandma spanked me sometimes when I was younger but I don't remember any specific instances. My Grandma is one of the nicest people ever. I don't remember this but according to my brother I got hit with a wooden spoon once, lol.


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  (#46 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 09:59 PM

It's NEVER ok.
If anything I would call it abuse, and abuse is wrong. It DOESN'T get the point across it just makes the child afraid.
   
  (#47 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 10:31 PM

The only way my mother every hit me was a light tap on the wrist when I touched things I wasn't meant to. There are better ways than a forceful smack to the bum.



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  (#48 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 25th 2009, 10:48 PM

I put "Its never okay." I was spanked,and hit,and everything when I was a kid. Still am sometimes. Not much lately though, thank God. You know, It has changed me. It was my dad mainly. So yeah, anytime a guy raises his hand or anything I cringe. Even if its like a high-five or one of those playful shoves. It always scares me. And especially when guys raise there voice. I hate that, it scares the crap out of me. I hate it.
I will never hit my future kids. and I won't let my husband hit them. Violence isn't okay. Its made me paranoid as heck.


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  (#49 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 27th 2009, 08:24 PM

I'm noticing a trend here, as sad as it is. Those who advocate against spanking were, in some shape or form, more than likely abused.

I'm personally against it, however for certain situations I would probably use it on a future child.My nephew, for example, is a little bad ass. He tends to throw things and knock things off walls and ceilings on peoples head, on purpose.Now that, yes sure, words are failing maybe then, and only then, if someone is in danger of getting hurt, spanking might be okay. Otherwise it is not okay.


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  (#50 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 27th 2009, 09:25 PM

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Originally Posted by Casey View Post
I'm noticing a trend here, as sad as it is. Those who advocate against spanking were, in some shape or form, more than likely abused.
I'd say its because the people that were spanked, like myself, know how bad it can be cuz we've been through it.


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  (#51 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 28th 2009, 02:30 AM

I think it's fine. I have a basic system for when I'm put in charge of my nephews. Besides their mother (who doesn't have custody right now, just visitation) I'm the only person they'll listen to. Spanking isn't the point. Consistency is.

1. Threaten time out.
2. Time out (usually 1 minute per year, don't start timing until they quiet down)
3. Take something away (usually TV).
4. Spanking...usually like five firm taps out side of their pants using mostly just my wrist and the weight of my hand/forearm.

I think most of the punishment of my spankings come from that fact that they're actually getting spanked. It's a good way to make sure they know that they're not in charge and don't make the rules.
   
  (#52 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 28th 2009, 01:01 PM

I am strongly against it, I am probably biased as I was "smacked" or in other words personal violence was apprehended against me whenever I broke the rules with a belt. But on top of that, if a child is able to know that the consequences of his actions will be pain, then they should be able to understand any other form of punishment that doesn't include pain. What most people here are saying is that because a child might not comprehend what they are doing is wrong, and in the most exceptional circumstances, spanking is an appropriate way of showing them the consequences of their actions. So say you have an adult, who has a mental illness who also does not comprehend that doing something is wrong, is violence and pain allowed to be used against them if they do something wrong?

Also, a child is growing up, and they learn things from how their parents conduct themselves, so you smack a child when he is breaking your rules, and if that child cannot comprehend why? So what if he brings that mentality into the nursery? He sees a kid breaking the rules, by swearing or taking a toy from them, and so because he has been taught it is okay to give someone pain when they do something wrong, he goes and hits them. That's an effective way to educate your kids surely.

Another point that's been raised is that it would be okay if the said child was out of control. If that kid was out of control to the level that he was hitting his own parents, hitting him back wouldn't help, it would turn into a fight, the level of force to control that kid would hae to cross into teh realms of abuse if you was to control that kid through that punishment.

Hae any of you seen super nanny? she comes across the most out of control messed up feral kids out there, the one the other day hit and spat at his parents, they couldnt control him. The kid dominated thier lives, they hit him back when he did something seriously bad, but it just made him worse. I have never seen the woman on that programme advocate or condone or use force as a tool to control these kids, and yet she tames all of them, and teaches the parents to control thier kids in non violent means aswell. If she can do it, and all those parents who had failed before could do it, then so can everyone else. They are just too lazy to go through the processes.

Morals, right and wrong, does not need to be enforced using violence, it may of been the base tool of age to instill morals, but we are in 2009, we recognise what is humane and what is not.

Plus how effective is it? those of us who got smacked did it mean that it stopped us from misbehaving? because surely if its so effective we must of been like angels throughout the rest of our childhood. Because my mum used force to punish me its left a lot of resentment towards her into my teenage life because of what she did. My father only hit me once, and I tell you I remember that day so potently in my mind, because it hurt so much, not physically, emotionally.

Smacking is wrong. Physical apprehension is okay, if a kid is going to do something stupidly dangerous dont hit the kid move him away. if hes in a position to do something stupidly dangerous and he isnt of the age to understand why that may be, yoru house isn't safe. Why is the sockets exposed? why can the kid get to boiling water? why is the window left open to a place where your kid is going to fall out? why aren't you watching him?

Spanking is wrong. there is more effective, humane and moral ways to discipline your children. Anyone who ha sto resort to spanking has not tried everything else, and if they hae spanking will probably prove ineffective
   
  (#53 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 28th 2009, 02:29 PM

Spanking is wrong in all cases. You should not have to resort to violent behaviours to get a message across. Spanking is just bad parenting.




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  (#54 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - February 28th 2009, 11:46 PM

Is it possible for a younger child to feel violated when they're spanked?
I think spanking is never acceptable.
   
  (#55 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - March 3rd 2009, 12:02 PM

I was "spanked" as you Americans call it. My brother wasn't.

I turned out okay I reckon. My brothers a right shit.


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  (#56 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - March 3rd 2009, 07:22 PM

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I was "spanked" as you Americans call it.
So what do you call it?


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  (#57 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - March 3rd 2009, 07:32 PM

I called it 'smacking'

I had it a lot when i was a kid, half the time, i know im biased here but my upbringing wasn't what you'd call idyllic, i didn't deserve to be 'smacked.'

It is bad parenting, my dad has never had to do that to me, yes, he has raised his voice, but never his hand, unlike my darling mother ^^. There should be mutual respect between child and parent and if there isn't then that is the parents fault. I just think it breeds resentment towards the parent/parents, I just think it is disgusting that anyone could raise their hand to their child. There are other ways to teach right and wrong besides physical punishment.


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  (#58 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is spanking ok? - March 3rd 2009, 07:35 PM

I suppose it depends on the severity of the situation, my mum used to get really angry, and used to hit me and my brothers with slippers, belts, and even saucepans, thats all a bit too far, it also depends on the age and if they know right from wrong, but generally i don't agree with it.


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Re: Is spanking ok? - March 4th 2009, 08:22 PM

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I called it 'smacking'

I had it a lot when i was a kid, half the time, i know im biased here but my upbringing wasn't what you'd call idyllic, i didn't deserve to be 'smacked.'

It is bad parenting, my dad has never had to do that to me, yes, he has raised his voice, but never his hand, unlike my darling mother ^^. There should be mutual respect between child and parent and if there isn't then that is the parents fault. I just think it breeds resentment towards the parent/parents, I just think it is disgusting that anyone could raise their hand to their child. There are other ways to teach right and wrong besides physical punishment.
My mum was the one to smack me too while my dad like only once... funny that isn't it?


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