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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Stardaze Offline
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Can you love someone.... - October 29th 2010, 09:17 PM

Can you love someone (like...LOVE as in.....long term relationship / marriage kinda love).....and not necessarily be physically attracted to them?

Is physical attraction PART of love? Or is it just part of the initial process that gets you to the point of being in love and then it becomes less relevant......

If you fell in love with someone and then their appearance changed (they lost their hair / gained weight / etc) would your love for them change too??


Just curious what others thoughts are on this.




   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - October 29th 2010, 09:26 PM

i feel like yeah, you can love someone and not be physically attracted to them. Physical attraction is only one part of overall love. If you love someone you shouldn't love them because they are pretty you should love them because they have the type of personality that you love. The physical attraction should just come with that. If you love the person then you are bound to love the way that they are, no matter how they look or how their looks change.
   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - October 29th 2010, 09:28 PM

I know of several girls who started dating a guy they weren't necessarily attracted to but once their feelings for them grew so did their attraction. I think that with some relationships physical attraction happens first and in some emotional attraction happens first. And I certainly do think that once you are at the point of being completely in love with someone it won't matter if their appearance changes.


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Re: Can you love someone.... - October 30th 2010, 07:01 AM

When you're in love with someone, I think you find them attractive no matter what they look like.


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Re: Can you love someone.... - October 30th 2010, 07:37 AM

I think that we can love someone who is physically unattractive because we might have friends or best friends who have a good personality. After that point, the physical unattractiveness grows accustom to you and doesn't seem like a problem at all. But if we were to date someone we met like...10 minutes ago, then it would be because of looks. But you can love someone without being physically attracted to them.

If their appearance changed, I'd be ready for it. It's not like they're just going to wake up one day and be X amount of pounds or without hair. It takes a while to develop a different sized body, so I'd be able to grow concern and be able to ask some questions about why she's gaining weight. Hell, maybe I'd be able to stop doing whatever she's doing to gain weight. But if it all came down to it, if I loved her, then absolutely I'd stay with her. Would I be upset? Sure. Enough to break up with her? No. Unless of course, she just had a mental break down and totally destroyed her body and such and doesn't care about herself or the people around her anymore. But that's unlikely. :P
   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - October 30th 2010, 07:47 AM

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Originally Posted by Brandon View Post
I think that we can love someone who is physically unattractive because we might have friends or best friends who have a good personality. After that point, the physical unattractiveness grows accustom to you and doesn't seem like a problem at all. But if we were to date someone we met like...10 minutes ago, then it would be because of looks. But you can love someone without being physically attracted to them.

If their appearance changed, I'd be ready for it. It's not like they're just going to wake up one day and be X amount of pounds or without hair. It takes a while to develop a different sized body, so I'd be able to grow concern and be able to ask some questions about why she's gaining weight. Hell, maybe I'd be able to stop doing whatever she's doing to gain weight. But if it all came down to it, if I loved her, then absolutely I'd stay with her. Would I be upset? Sure. Enough to break up with her? No. Unless of course, she just had a mental break down and totally destroyed her body and such and doesn't care about herself or the people around her anymore. But that's unlikely. :P
I agree with most of what Brandon has said. Though, I'd hope that you'd try to help them through a mental breakdown. o_O

One thing I have to say though, is I, personally, can't be with someone I can't imagine myself kissing. Like, it doesn't matter how they physically look, if there is a strong enough emotional attachment. But if the attachment is like, sheerly platonic, they could be really good-looking, and I still couldn't kiss them.

I had friends that looked s lot better than the one guy I dated, but I'd never be able to kiss them, since I only felt platonic love for them.

Another thing is, like, someone could look kind of "ugly" at first, but if they have a great personality, they seem to even look better. And it can be the same with a "pretty" person who is mean. I've seen guys I thought were good-looking, but they opened their mouths to be such jerks, it made them ugly to me. Like as if someone sprayed down a chalk masterpiece and it was deformed.


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Re: Can you love someone.... - October 30th 2010, 09:19 AM

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Can you love someone (like...LOVE as in.....long term relationship / marriage kinda love).....
Well, that kind of love might not exist to begin with...
   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - October 30th 2010, 10:17 AM

Mhm. Yes, I think it is possible to love a person (romantically?) without finding them physically attractive. We learn to love a person for who they are, not what they look like and so appearance ceases to matter. Although.. now that I think about it.. I think we start to find a person more and more attractive, the more we love them. That is true in my case anyway. Then again, I think everybody is beautiful.. mhm. But, yeah, my feelings for a person wouldn't change simply because their appearance does. It's all very subjective though.


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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 01:45 AM

My definition of love is unconditional commitment and mercy, so yes. However, it definitely helps to marry someone who you can be physically attracted to.
   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 02:11 AM

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Originally Posted by -ArcAngel-
Though, I'd hope that you'd try to help them through a mental breakdown. o_O
I would try, but I think everyone has a breaking point when they realize that what they're doing isn't helping.
   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 03:10 AM

I don't think I could love someone romantically if I was not physically attracted to them.

To add; my version of physically attractive may not be yours. May not be the standard. But I could not date someone, sleep with someone, marry someone based on their personality alone. There has to be attraction, there has to be chemistry. Otherwise you're just friends. And I love a lot of my close friends, I am not physically attracted to them.


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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 05:01 AM

I think that physical attraction can be caused by love.


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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 09:21 AM

I agree in thinking that physical attraction can be caused by love. However, with personal experience, I don't think that I could be in love with someone who I found UNattractive. I know that may sound harsh, but I do think that there has to be some form of physical attraction. Saying that, I wouldn't fall out of love with the person I'm currently in love with if something happened to affect how she looks.
   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 09:54 AM

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I agree in thinking that physical attraction can be caused by love. However, with personal experience, I don't think that I could be in love with someone who I found UNattractive. I know that may sound harsh, but I do think that there has to be some form of physical attraction. Saying that, I wouldn't fall out of love with the person I'm currently in love with if something happened to affect how she looks.
I agree. I think there has to be some degree of physical attraction in order to pursue a relationship with a person. I don't believe that this thinking is ignorant or harsh, but natural. By nature, we are attracted to people we find 'pretty.' I tend to think it's part of love. With that said, I do believe it becomes less relevant as your relationship grows and flourishes. You can't date someone based only on his or her looks. But is some form of attraction important? I would say yes. I'm not sure I could date a person whom I had no physical attraction to.

I also agree that physical attraction can be caused by love. I would not fall out of love with a person just because her appearance changed. That would be rather shallow, and I think it would indicate that there wasn't a strong enough emotional connection in the first place. Change is inevitable; you can't expect a person to stay the same forever. My grandfather used to have a full head of hair when he was younger, and now he's bald. Yet my grandmother still loves him.

I think when you are truly in love with someone, you will always find him or her attractive both physically and emotionally.

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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 08:35 PM

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My definition of love is unconditional commitment and mercy, so yes. However, it definitely helps to marry someone who you can be physically attracted to.
I want to add to this and say that if you love someone enough in that way, attraction usually comes with it.
   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 08:58 PM

Well I can't imagine someone falling in love with somebody they don't like to look at? I think physical attraction is definitely a part of falling for someone. They don't have to be good looking to the rest of the world, but as long as you find them attractive that's all that should matter.
   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 09:32 PM

I agree with Kismet and Brandon.
To add to that, I think if you're physically attracted to someone but don't know them, that's not love. I'm a bit cynical but I just don't believe in love at first sight. However, you might start to love them when you know them much better. If you know somebody but are not attracted to them, I think falling in love with them is what makes them physically attractive to you. You might not necessarily think "Wow, they're drop dead gorgeous", but there is some form of attraction in that you want to be close to them because regardless of their looks they are so special to you.




   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 09:46 PM

I believe that it is important to have at least a little bit of attraction to the person that you love, but I also believe that with love comes attraction.

I've always found my bf to be attractive, but as we have grown closer, I've found that I find him to be even more attractive than before.

I also know that no matter what he looked like now, if something changed or what not, it would not matter to me in the least. This is because I love him. I love the person that he is, and I love every little thing about him, even the things that drive me crazy.

Thats my personal view on the subject. =]




   
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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 1st 2010, 10:57 PM

Not for me the physical attraction in a relationship is very important I think that's how most relationships start, you see a person and feel physical attracted to them and you go on from there. Like someone in this thread said I could not be in a relationship if I could not imagine myself at least kissing them.


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Re: Can you love someone.... - November 3rd 2010, 06:24 AM

Yep, I'm not all that much sexually attracted to the girl I'm in love with, but I love her just as much if not more then if I was, it makes it easier on me and I feel less nervous. Now sure, I would love to kiss and hug her, but I don't get aroused at the thought, to me it's a display of my love for her.


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