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Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 06:26 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Since we have had two parenting threads already, I want to bring up another type of parenting thread.

What do you think is the appropriate way to punish children and why?

AND

What do you think is the appropriate way to punish teens and why?

Last edited by Casey.; November 19th 2010 at 07:12 AM. Reason: Adding a prefix to be safe :)
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 06:29 AM

as my gramps said spare the rod spoil the child i share his kind of thinking (ill expand on this cause i was busy at the time)

for children punishment will involve spankings and timeouts depending on what they did bad if they say a bad word then soap and water or tabasco sauce as my gramps did...

why ? it worked on me and my sister and neither of has ever been introuble with the law or anything and it taught us right from wrong.

for teens im assuming 13-18 right ? likelly be groundings priveledges(sp?) removed complete house arrest.. depending on the severity of what they did.

why ? well i never did anything bad as a teen since i was homeschooled after 5th grade so didnt have the chance but it worked on my sister and other kids i knew they wouldnt get introuble again for a long time after losing tv,phone,visiting friends, priveledges(sp?)....

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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 02:04 PM

I think the appropriate way to punish a child is to spank them and put them in time out. I think that it's more important to do this because not only does it punish a child, it sends a clear message to the child that what they did was not acceptable by you, but it also establishes dominance as the parent. I say this because I have first hand experience of what happens when a parent DOESN'T punish his child that way. My dad never really punished my sister and I (the only time I remember is when my dad drove into a parking lot and spanked us...but it was so light that my sister and I started cracking up.) Because my dad never established dominance over me, I am not a very submissive. My dad and I have gotten into plenty of verbal arguments and it usually ends up with me saying that I'm just waiting for him to punch me so I could punch him back. I'm not the only one who wants to punch him...my uncle has even threatened to punch my dad in the face for being all up in his face. My dad isn't very respectful. He tries to establish dominance now, but miserably fails. When I retaliate, he grounds me from the internet...which is funny because I'm actually grounded from the internet right now for refusing to answer a question after being interrogated on whether or not I didn't replace the cheese after I took the last slice. Yup...I still get grounded at 20 years old (which doesn't work very well, obviously, when I have a car and can just drive to the library but I digress). My mom wasn't a very aggressive parent either, but she had more dominance over me than my dad does. I know this because when I lived with my mom and I did something I wasn't supposed to, I'd feel guilty about it and worried that my mom would find out. For my dad, if I did something that my dad specifically told me not to, I'd just shrug it off and wouldn't care. Kind of like a "what are you gonna do about it?" kind of response.

With that being said, if you don't spank or put a child in time-out when doing something wrong, then it wouldn't make sense to punish a teenager that way. Teenagers are likely to rebel against their parents, for whatever reason, so it's important to have already established dominance (there's that word again) when they were growing up. They need to look at you as an authoritative figure, otherwise you'll probably have little to no control over them. But that's just from personal experience. I don't know if this speaks for everyone, so I could be wrong. As for me, my dad would've been a more effective parent if he established dominance when I was young and a teenager. But since he doesn't, he pretty much fucked himself. Besides...he still lives with his parents. Why should I take him seriously when his parents are really the ones who take care of me? He's more like an unwanted brother to me, and would happily clock him in the face if given incentive too.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 03:04 PM

You need to tell your child what they did wrong and why, first of all. My son is one year old, doesn't completely understand what I'm saying yet and I still tell him what he is doing wrong and why. You can't just say "Bad!", give him a whack on that butt and leave it at that.

When my son is older I can't see myself ever hitting him, and really don't see why its necessary. I'll enforce timeouts, taking away toys, banning certain activities, and when he is older... grounding. I think that gets the point across pretty well. If he disobeys me, I have the authority to take away something he likes until the point gets across. From what I remember, when I was a kid/teen I really liked having things lol. When I didn't have things I was miserable and would do whatever to get my things back.

Of course this is pretty general and is subject to change depending on the severity of what happened and new ideas for forms of discipline

Right now the house is baby proofed and he doesn't get in to much trouble. But he loves to throw tantrums when he sees something he wants or I have to take away something he can't have. If he chooses to throw a tantrum I tell him "I'm sorry you are upset/angry/frustrasted, but that is dangerous for babies." I try to distract him, and if that doesn't work I walk away and let him throw his tantrum. When he is calm (which happens pretty quick because his tantrums are only for attention) we go back and play together.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 05:48 PM

I want to raise my kids to follow the rules because they want to do the right thing and respect their parents, not because they will be punished if they don't. I have several friends who were never grounded or anything in their entire lives, and instead, every time that they did something wrong, their parents sat down with them and had a talk about why that thing was wrong and basically tried to make them want to do the right thing. And you know what? Those kids (who are now teenagers) are the most responsible, loving, well-behaved teens that I have ever met. Most of them don't even swear.

So I'd start with doing it that way. But if my teen was doing something dangerous, illegal, or not keeping their morals and acting like a completely different person when they are out with friends, then I would ground them just to keep them away from those dangerous environments- and over the time that they are grounded, I would have several talks with them about it, spend lots of one-on-one time together trying to figure out why this is happening, and maybe take them places where they can meet some better friends (but I am going to set my kids up to have good kids as friends to begin with by sending them to Christian school and such, so hopefully we won't even have that problem to begin with).

If my child continues doing something bad after we've talked about it and they agreed to try to stop....I guess it would depend on the situation. If they were honestly trying to stop and just kept slipping (with something like lying or talking back), then I would just keep trying to help them to do the right thing as much as I could. But if they weren't even trying, then I would probably tell them that I have to ground them to keep them away from whatever bad influences are making them do these things. I'd ask them (not force them unless things got REALLY bad, but just ask) if they'd rather be homeschooled so that they could stay away from those bad influences.

And of course, there are little things that don't require a major talk. If they say a swear word for example, that isn't something that requires a long and intense talk. I can simply tell them not to say that because it could offend people. If they don't do it again, then problem solved. If they do, we'll need to have a longer talk. If they still do it after that, I'll have to ground them.

With a baby or toddler who couldn't understand these things: If they were crying to get something or do something that I didn't allow, it's simple, I would just say no. I'd let them cry and throw a tantrum if they wanted, but I wouldn't give in, the answer would still be no. That's all. If they keep asking "why" they can't, I'll explain it once. If they keep asking, I'll just say "I already told you" and move on. Ignore the bad behavior and don't give them the attention that they want (I am NOT saying to ignore your child, just ignore the screaming and crying over wanting something that they can't have).

I think the best thing is to raise your child to not want to do the bad things in the first place. But obviously they still will sometimes, which is why I would do the things listed above.

I may change my mind before I have kids though, who knows.

Last edited by Megan1; November 19th 2010 at 05:58 PM.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 06:56 PM

Quote:
(but I am going to set my kids up to have good kids as friends to begin with by sending them to Christian school and such, so hopefully we won't even have that problem to begin with).
whoa whoa whoa, slow down there. Are you saying that all christian school students are "good kids" because I definitely know this to be false. a great deal of the "good christian kids" I knew as a child were probably some of the worst. Just because they're at a christian school doesn't mean they'll be good kids. and you really shouldn't "set up" your child's friends, they need to decide that for themselves. and yes, I know personally. I grew up in a town where everyone's "friends" were set up for them and it ended pretty badly.


As for punishing, I can't say much because it's going to heavily rely on my future children. My parents never even yelled at me as a kid and I've pretty much never done anything wrong. So if I have a kid like I was, I probably won't do much.

I'm curious though, what would you do if your child's FRIEND were misbehaving at your house or in your care?



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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 07:19 PM

Well, if they're rude, or violent one lash for every year of their life.
If they steal something? I think I'll chop a finger off at time, then move to their toes.
Anything more? I'll hang them ^^
Oh, and if they call me a bad parent I'll let them fend for themselves ^^
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 07:37 PM

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(but I am going to set my kids up to have good kids as friends to begin with by sending them to Christian school and such, so hopefully we won't even have that problem to begin with).
LOL...are you serious! Not all 'christian' people are nice, and not all 'non-religious' people are horrible. Your kid will come across little bitches in their life time, that's just going to happen.
Also, you can't choose your kids friends, I mean sure you can stop them going to the park with that disgusting boy down the road, and you can not allow them to go to town with that girl whose parents smoke...but whatever you do, your child is going to pick her friends.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 07:38 PM

I will never lay a hand to my child. I will also make damn sure my husband/boyfriend/partner would be the same. I honestly agree with 95% of everything supernanny says on the TV show. I would probably put them in time out. I would also try and reward them with good behavior more than punishing them for bad behavior.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 08:24 PM

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Originally Posted by TranquilChaos View Post
whoa whoa whoa, slow down there. Are you saying that all christian school students are "good kids" because I definitely know this to be false. a great deal of the "good christian kids" I knew as a child were probably some of the worst. Just because they're at a christian school doesn't mean they'll be good kids. and you really shouldn't "set up" your child's friends, they need to decide that for themselves. and yes, I know personally. I grew up in a town where everyone's "friends" were set up for them and it ended pretty badly.


As for punishing, I can't say much because it's going to heavily rely on my future children. My parents never even yelled at me as a kid and I've pretty much never done anything wrong. So if I have a kid like I was, I probably won't do much.

I'm curious though, what would you do if your child's FRIEND were misbehaving at your house or in your care?
Quote:
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LOL...are you serious! Not all 'christian' people are nice, and not all 'non-religious' people are horrible. Your kid will come across little bitches in their life time, that's just going to happen.
Also, you can't choose your kids friends, I mean sure you can stop them going to the park with that disgusting boy down the road, and you can not allow them to go to town with that girl whose parents smoke...but whatever you do, your child is going to pick her friends.
I guess I kind of used the words "set up" wrong. What I meant is, I am going to put them in environments where kids are being taught similar morals to them. I am still going to let them choose their own friends.

I know that not all kids who are in Christian school are truly Christian, and that there will be troubled kids no matter where they go to school (unless they are homeschooled, which I don't want to do unless they request it or unless they are getting into major trouble at school). I know that. But private Christian school is definitely going to be better than public school, because most of the kids are being raised by parents who also want their kids to be in better crowds of people and being taught Christian things and being taught morals, which is why they send them to that school. Sure there will be some acceptions, I know that....but definitely not as many as in public school. Sure my kids will choose their own friends, and as long as those friends aren't bad influences, I'm all for that. But putting them in environments with kids who are being raised similarly to how I am raising my children will increase the chance that they will meet the right kinds of friends. Of course it's not for sure, but it's a lot more likely than in public school.

And this is off topic so I'm just going to comment on it quickly and move on... but the comment about "not all Christian people are nice"....well, not all people who call themselves Christians are nice, that's true. But real born-again Christians have to try our best to be nice. A recent study showed that 80% of Americans call themselves Christian, but only about 35% were actually born-again Christians.

And for if my child's friend was acting up while in my care....First I would tell them that that isn't allowed in our house, and would quickly explain why. If they don't stop, then I'd have to make them leave.

Last edited by Megan1; November 19th 2010 at 08:30 PM.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 08:27 PM

I remember my grandfather used to give us "the look" he could literally control all the grandsons with just his look. We would all be at the table yelling and just out of control and when he came into the room you could feel “the look” and he rang a little bell he had and everyone would be quiet, up to this day I have great respect for him. If I could I would have my grandfather raise them but he is now old.
To my kids I guess I’ll first establish who is in charge in the house, if they choose to rebel spanking will be used after a warning has been made. When they grow up (high school) if they still choose to rebel I’ll send them to military school just like what my grandfather did to my dad, when they decide they can behave they can come back. To the girls they will be send to boarding school, if not I can always take away their phone/ car/ internet/ other things.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 19th 2010, 08:29 PM

The appropriate punishment for children really depends on each child. For instance... My mom would threaten to wash our mouths out with soap for bad language. The first time it happened and Mom washed my mouth out with soap, I immediately stopped and behaved, and that was the only time my mouth ever got washed out with soap. My brother, on the other hand, didn't respond to it at all. He said, "Ew, gross!" and that was the extent, and he continued misbehaving. My sister was like me in that she only needed a time or two to make her behave.

Since each kid's personality is different, it's hard to say what one parenting/punishing method will work. My parents believed in punishment to fit the crime: If we tried to take something, we got a smack on the hand. If we didn't sit down when told, we got a smack on the butt. If something bad came out of our mouths, we got them washed out with soap. But here's the thing.... No matter what kind of punishment we got, we ALWAYS got an explanation of why we did what we did was wrong and why we were being punished. A lot of parents today, I've noticed, don't explain and punish somewhat blindly. It's important that every kid knows why they did what they did was wrong rather than just getting smacked or yelled at.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 07:00 AM

I think for young children time out is best, or removal of toys, or privileges such as playing outside, or going to a friends, or participating in an activity that week or something. "Supernanny" actually gives really good ideas :P

I don't like putting soap in a childs mouth, as there is a reason soap is not edible, sure go for the mustard or something, but I think when children are young, missing out on fun is more of a punishment
I also don't think smacking is a very good idea, but sometimes I can see how kids drive parents to the max! Here, it is a law that we can't smack our children, and its a crime if you are caught doing so. I don't think it should be the law though, providing there are no bruises or scratches or leaving the child in unbearable pain.

As for teenagers, well I associate time outs with younger children, so maybe not a time out. And I think that depending on the teenager, some punishments like saying "you can't go to the party" just make the teen really angry at the mother and may rebel or something. Its kind of hard, but you kinda just have to hope that they were brought up knowing whats right and what's not, and hope that they learn from their mistakes.
If they have had sex or done something really bad or that they regret, I'd just sit down and explain what they could have done to be out of that situaton, and not do it again. I hope I can come up with a better answer when I am a mum!!!
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 07:23 AM

Young children lack the ability to comprehend morality and complex principles, but everyone understands a stinging backside.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 07:43 AM

I dont think that I could ever hit my child. When I was growing up, as soon as I heard "punishment", I knew that i'll get physically hurt. And i'm the same now, just with the voice in my head instead of my dad.
I hurt myself badly when I think i've done something wrong as it's all I've ever known, and I would NOT like my child to feel that way. I believe in explaining what they did was wrong and then just put them in the 'naughty spot' until they've calmed down.
I practice this anyway with my 3 year old sister and she does know whats wrong and whats right. Of course she will mess around just to be naughty but doesn't nearly every other child?
I grew up in an extremely angry environment, I was terrified of my dad. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 09:43 AM

I think it's necessary to explain why the behaviour is wrong then say what should be done and how (if possible, why). Smacking the kid I suppose could work but it depends what the kid did and if they understood the morals binding them. If the kid went and punched the neighbour's kid breaking his nose, then it's no use to smack your kid as it's saying "don't hit, hitting is bad, now I'll hit you to show it's good but it's still bad so don't hit but I can hit....". Doesn't make sense.

If they're young, then take away a toy or if they're going to see a friend, tell them they cant. When they're older, similar idea. I'd resort to spanking or smacking only when they did something awful or much worse than they ever did, especially if they knew it was wrong. Things like soap in the mouth I would do if they were using foul language.

I would make sure the kid knows, until they're of legal age, my house, my roof, my rules. I would definitely tell them once they own a house legally and are of legal age, then they can impose their rules but until then, too bad, we're gonna have fun.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Megan1 View Post
But private Christian school is definitely going to be better than public school, because most of the kids are being raised by parents who also want their kids to be in better crowds of people and being taught Christian things and being taught morals, which is why they send them to that school.
Interesting how the same idea of "Better people" comes up again.

Quote:
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A recent study showed that 80% of Americans call themselves Christian, but only about 35% were actually born-again Christians.
If you're going to post the findings of a study, then can you post a link or at least the name of the study?

Quote:
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And for if my child's friend was acting up while in my care....First I would tell them that that isn't allowed in our house, and would quickly explain why. If they don't stop, then I'd have to make them leave.
I'm going to assume this is for older kids, unless you want to be booting out kids under 18.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 04:15 PM

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Interesting how the same idea of "Better people" comes up again.



If you're going to post the findings of a study, then can you post a link or at least the name of the study?



I'm going to assume this is for older kids, unless you want to be booting out kids under 18.
Better influences and better people are not the same thing. I don't believe that any human is better than any other, but I want my children to be around people who won't make them want to do bad things.

My friend looked that up and read it to me while I was at her house one day, so I'll have to ask her what the site is.

Well if they were young children, I would call their parents to pick them up. I wouldn't just tell them to get out. :P And I'm talking about if they're actng extremely bad, not just being kind of annoying.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 04:37 PM

....kids at christians schools aren't angels either.
And I'm curious too, because I tried searching for whatever study that was and found absolutely nothing.



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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 04:48 PM

I will never ever physically hurt my children, ever. Why? Because children who have been brought up in an environment where 'spanking' and hitting is used as a punishment are far more likely to do the same to their children, and it's child abuse. There's no excuse for child abuse.
I'm all for time out, one minute for every year of their age. You need to get down to their level and explain what they've done wrong, shouting will only encourage them to fight back. Saying they're 'naughty' or 'bad' will lower their self esteem. When they're older, ground them, ban them from the internet and take away mobile phones.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 04:50 PM

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Originally Posted by TranquilChaos View Post
....kids at christians schools aren't angels either.
And I'm curious too, because I tried searching for whatever study that was and found absolutely nothing.
Of course not, I'm just saying that my kids have a slightly better chance of meeting friends who are good influences there than in public school, because most of those kids are being raised with morals. Several of the families who I babysit go to the Christian school that I will probably be sending my kids to, and they are all very sweet moral kids. I know that not all kids in Christian school are like that, but a lot more than in public school anyways. Well, that's judging by our local Chrstian school, I don't know about all of them.

I have other standards for schools too, not just being a Christian school.

I'll ask her about that website tomorrow. We were curious one day and looked it up, but I can't remember the website.

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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 06:13 PM

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I will never ever physically hurt my children, ever. Why? Because children who have been brought up in an environment where 'spanking' and hitting is used as a punishment are far more likely to do the same to their children, and it's child abuse. There's no excuse for child abuse.
I'm all for time out, one minute for every year of their age. You need to get down to their level and explain what they've done wrong, shouting will only encourage them to fight back. Saying they're 'naughty' or 'bad' will lower their self esteem. When they're older, ground them, ban them from the internet and take away mobile phones.
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I will never ever physically hurt my children, ever.


Would you consider a giving a child a shot at the doctor child abuse? It is temporary pain, is it not? Most children cry when given shots, do they not? If so, why? Is it because giving a shot to a child will benefit their health? Because arguably, punishing a child and giving your child shots is the same concept: pain is delivered to your child, but it's for a benefit. Granted, you wouldn't give a child the same shot four times, just like you wouldn't spank a child an excessive amount of times to get your point across. I believe in physical punishment, as long as it's in moderation. We go through a lot of things where we cause temporary pain to ourselves: playing soccer, stubbing our toes, breaking an arm, and it's not because we're trying to abuse ourselves, it's just that going through temporary pain benefits us one way or another. We learn from our mistakes, and if it wasn't from pain...then we probably wouldn't have learned as much when growing up as children. So I think there's a fine difference between teaching your kids right from wrong, and "physically hurting." And if I spanked a child, that doesn't make it child abuse. To you, it does. But abuse is "wrong and improper," and so different people are going to have different views on what "wrong" and "improper" means. If a woman spanks her child as a learning method (which, if done effectively, can help a child learn) then that doesn't necessarily fall under the lines of "child abuse." There are ways to effectively spank a child, not in the physical sense but in the mental sense that actually helps them learn better, and that is arguably considered "discipline." If discipline is an accepted consequence of action, then "discipline" does not necessarily mean "wrong" or "improper." So it's kind of a 50/50 shot. One way hasn't really been proven to be better than the other (as far as I know but if you have non-biased evidence to support your beliefs then it's all fair game). It's really up to the individual parent. Doesn't make them bad parent or anything like that, it's just that they do something that you don't agree with. If you can raise a child without disciplining your child using spanking, then that's fantastic. Not saying it isn't possible, but it's not fair to say that something is "abusive" just because you disagree with it.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 06:45 PM

I believe in spare the rod, spoil the child. When I was growing up I was never punished. I mean, I think that I may have gotten a spanken twice in my life. And because of that, I have a hard time respecting people nowadays. I've also watched my little brothers grow up, and since my father never punishes them either, I am worried for them because they are so disrespectful and lazy.

My boyfriend on the other hand, was punished when he was bad. He got spankings and other forms of punishment. It is NOT child abuse. He is much closer to his parents than my brothers are to my parents, and he is also much more respectful. I believe that this is because he did get that punishment.

No, you shouldn't just beat your child because you're mad at them for what they have done. I believe that you should first sit them down and talk about what they did wrong, and explain why they are getting punished. But I do not think that you should allow them to get out of the punishment.

Young children need discipline in order to grow up into respectful adults. I believe in spankings, and time outs. I do not, however, believe in soap in the mouth, because as stated before soap is not edible. However, apple cider vinegar has the same effect, and is in fact edible and even healthy for you.. That stuff is nasty, and works wonders with getting kids not to say bad words.

As for punishing teens, I believe in grounding and taking away their privileges. Internet is a privilege, TV is a privilege , Video games are a privilege, cars are a privilege, going out with friends is a privilege. If the teen cannot behave, then they do not deserve those privileges.

Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on being mean, and I don't want to have to use these punishments, but if my children misbehave then they will get disciplined, and they will learn from their mistakes. They also will know however, that Mommy and Daddy love them very much, and that they only do this for the child's benefit.




   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 08:11 PM

I have a question for those of you that are for spanking.

What age would you stop?



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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 08:57 PM

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I have a question for those of you that are for spanking.

What age would you stop?
me personally.....till the little buggers can outrun me lol but probally 13 or 14.... my sister got spanked when she was 16
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 09:22 PM

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I will never lay a hand to my child. I will also make damn sure my husband/boyfriend/partner would be the same. I honestly agree with 95% of everything supernanny says on the TV show. I would probably put them in time out. I would also try and reward them with good behavior more than punishing them for bad behavior.
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 20th 2010, 09:54 PM

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Originally Posted by TranquilChaos View Post
I have a question for those of you that are for spanking.

What age would you stop?
Typically, I'd say around 11. It all depends on what the child has access to. If he/she's addicted to the cell phone, I'd rather take their cell phone than spank them because honestly, I'd rather be spanked then getting something I'm addicted to taken away from me. By that age, I'd be making them do chores and if they wanna mess with me, I'd give them more chores to do and let them EARN it back. But any age before 11-12, typically, is spank time.
   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 21st 2010, 02:25 AM

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Typically, I'd say around 11. It all depends on what the child has access to. If he/she's addicted to the cell phone, I'd rather take their cell phone than spank them because honestly, I'd rather be spanked then getting something I'm addicted to taken away from me. By that age, I'd be making them do chores and if they wanna mess with me, I'd give them more chores to do and let them EARN it back. But any age before 11-12, typically, is spank time.
I agree with this entirely. Could not have worded it better myself.




   
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Re: Punishment for children. - November 21st 2010, 07:15 AM

The thought of spanking a child truly makes me want to cry. I realize that every child is different and that for some kids that might be what it takes to discipline them, but I believe that with the majority of children there are other, better, forms of discipline that are effective. Taking away a toy or a gadget or grounding a child works most of the time I think. When they get older hopefully just talking to them will be enough. I guess it depends on the child though really. I was a good kid and was never punished. My parents treated me like a mature child and I respected them for that and always wanted to live up to their expectations. Honestly, hearing my parents say "oh, kathlene is such a well-behaved kid we're so lucky" is what made me want to behave and not disappoint my parents.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 21st 2010, 04:34 PM

children shouldn't live in fear. i think any sort of physical violence against children is wrong. if i ever have kids they'll be taught right from wrong, including that it's wrong to use violence against people. if i ever thought that my child was doing what they were told because they were scared of me i'd feel so incredibly guilty. i know a lot of people don't share my opinion but i couldn't imagine raising my hand to a child. it's just wrong in my eyes. time out, firmly telling off, etc is fine.. but as soon as you raise a hand to a defenceless child it steps over the line.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 21st 2010, 06:43 PM

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Originally Posted by Rie View Post
I will never ever physically hurt my children, ever. Why? Because children who have been brought up in an environment where 'spanking' and hitting is used as a punishment are far more likely to do the same to their children, and it's child abuse. There's no excuse for child abuse.
I'm all for time out, one minute for every year of their age. You need to get down to their level and explain what they've done wrong, shouting will only encourage them to fight back. Saying they're 'naughty' or 'bad' will lower their self esteem. When they're older, ground them, ban them from the internet and take away mobile phones.
Until the age of five, I was smacked on the wrist if I'd done something naughty; it made me learn my lesson. My parents avoided smacking my brother if he'd done something wrong and at the age of eleven he still hasn't learned. For the large part though, I'd say it all depends on the child.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 21st 2010, 07:02 PM

I was only spanked once, I don't remember why. For some reason from a very young age the thought of disappointing my parents terrified me. My parents don't even really yell when they get made, but this look, uh even thinking about it gives me bad chills. So I wasn't the perfect child but I always brought home As and never really did anything bad, neither does my brother. And I honestly have no idea why because even when I was younger and got "grounded" from the TV it never lasted.

With my kids I think I won't really know until I have them. I think giving a child a slight smack on the wrist or the butt is an acceptable way to get no across. When it's something that if they do it could really hurt themselves and a slight hit will get them not to do it then I don't see a problem. But I won't know what I'm going to do until I've got kids and see what kind of kids they are.


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Re: Punishment for children. - November 23rd 2010, 04:25 AM

Well, chances of me spanking my children are very slim, mainly because there are much better ways to handle unruly children when they are old enough to be reasoned with. I'm all from grounding, and taking things away. My friend, when her son was a few months old, would smack his hand and tell him no to keep him from grabbing something hot, etc. And it worked, because he was too young to be reasoned with. So, I can understand smacking a little one's hand away from the fire, and then explaining it to them, but always explain it, even if they are really little, because then it gets you into the habit of explaining what they did wrong.

For teens, well it's trickier. Grounding can work, but so can talking to them. I spend an hour or so a week with this group of college students, 18-22ish year olds, and we have an older guy who is like 25 who keeps a handle on things. Now, we are really unruly sometimes, (and we are recognized as a group by my Uni), and the club president can barely control us. So this older guy has to reign us in, otherwise nothing would get done. And he manages easily, because we all respect him to some degree or another. If we are so ungodly unruly that we can't even hear his quiet commands for order, he rings a bell and tells us to take a deep breath. It works, we obey. If someone is doing something stupid or dangerous, he can get them to stop. He uses threats rarely (like threatening to separate two people, or threatening to take away a pocket knife if it doesn't get put up) but he manages. My point is, and I do have a point, you can rationalize with people, and you can get the most unruly, ADD, teenagers and young adults to listen and behave by working with them, not punishing them. Everyone is different, so every kind of discipline is going to be different, but talking should always be a part of it.


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