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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BDF Offline
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Losing ur kids - May 13th 2011, 02:47 AM

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...st-cancer.html

I don't know what the fuck makes people think they can just interfere like that and pass judgement on something they probably no nothing about.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: Losing ur kids - May 13th 2011, 02:59 AM

I could understand her losing them if she was so bad off she could no longer care for them, but that doesn't seem to be the case. (EDIT: Since the article states her cancer is not progressing at this time. I understand it could always take a turn for the worse.)

I'm thinking there is some information they aren't sharing with us here...


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Last edited by Jocelyn.; May 13th 2011 at 03:04 AM.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Losing ur kids - May 13th 2011, 03:00 AM

I can see both sides of the argument. In the long run, this will be best for the kids.

Also, yeah, something isn't being told here. This article seems incredibly biased. Almost nothing is known about the husband except for that the mother has said.


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Re: Losing ur kids - May 13th 2011, 04:51 AM

Well the article may be a bit biased. However I get the impression that this woman currently has full custody of her kids, there is often a reason for that. Also who in their right mind thinks it's good to take children away from their dying mother, their school, their friends, and send them to live with a father they probably hardly see in a different state, in a big ass city no less. These kids are going to have serious issues.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Losing ur kids - May 13th 2011, 05:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by thebigmole View Post
there is often a reason for that.
The family court system is incredibly biased against men?

There's so little information on the husband, that passing judgement at this point would be ill advised.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Losing ur kids - May 13th 2011, 03:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerTank77 View Post
The family court system is incredibly biased against men?

There's so little information on the husband, that passing judgement at this point would be ill advised.
I simply think its completely uprooting the kids' lives. They should be gradually introduced to their father, start seeing him more often, with their mum's supervision if she really doesn't trust him... perhaps even with the supervision of an officer, counsellor, social worker to make sure everything is going smoothly.

Nobody usually likes sudden changes like that. It's completely standing things on their head.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: Losing ur kids - May 13th 2011, 10:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BDF View Post
I simply think its completely uprooting the kids' lives. They should be gradually introduced to their father, start seeing him more often, with their mum's supervision if she really doesn't trust him... perhaps even with the supervision of an officer, counsellor, social worker to make sure everything is going smoothly.

Nobody usually likes sudden changes like that. It's completely standing things on their head.
Agreed, except that I don't think it really matters if she trusts him or not - they're no more her kids than his.

I'd also like to point out that it'll be a miracle if a man gets custody under these courts.
   
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Re: Losing ur kids - May 13th 2011, 11:02 PM

There's not enough information there in the slightest to draw a meaningful conclusion, and I must confess I'm not entirely sure why a British newspaper is carrying a story on a family court case in North Carolina - doesn't strike me as their usual brief to be honest. But that's another matter altogether. All I would say is that stage IV in overall stage grouping for cancer is the most serious level on the scale - it means it has metastasised, and in a lot of cases that it is also inoperable, and if that is the case (which is not confirmed in the report by any means) then I can see how that would be grounds for granting custody to the more "stable" partner where health is concerned. That is supposition though and I wouldn't like to make any firm judgement on the situation.

I would add however that I find the mother's comment that the judge was not competent because she didn't have children of her own to be quite belittling and a bit offensive - I don't have kids but I would like to think I can pick out a stable care option when I see one. That sounds more like bitterness on her part that the decision went against her. Her other comments are difficult to judge without seeing the transcript.


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If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
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Re: Losing ur kids - May 14th 2011, 06:43 AM

Hm. A parent should not lose their child because they have cancer. That's just wrong and unusual. I think there are some facts not being told here, not enough information of the situation.


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Re: Losing ur kids - May 14th 2011, 07:30 AM

The judge was in a tight bind: if she allows the mother to remain with the children, then what is to happen when she requires more intensive treatment? However, the children seem to understand the situation and have a strong attachment with their mother, so pulling them away from her may cause some harm. According to the mother, the father is abusive so assuming that is true, the children may be going to an unsafe environment but the father is presumably in good physical health. Furthermore, the mother said the cancer is stable and not progressing but since it traveled to the bones, I'm sure the judge was uncertain on whether the cancer was stable and not progressing.


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Re: Losing ur kids - May 14th 2011, 09:01 PM

I'm kind of undecided on this one. On one point I'm thinking: She's a mother and losing your child whether it be because they died or because the parent has a serious illness is a terrible thing that no parent wants to endure. She gave birth to them, and nurtured them. On the other point I'm thinking: When she does require more extensive treatment, it might be better for them in the long run. Kids don't need to see their parent wasting away due to an illness.

I can't such much on this point, since I am so undecided. I just hope that whatever decision is made, it's what is best for the children. And, I hope the woman makes a full recovery.











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Re: Losing ur kids - May 14th 2011, 10:45 PM

For those saying that kids shouldn't see their parents waste away: while that's true, if she was still married to their father those kids would be seeing that. Unless we start taking the kids away from any couple where someone is dying that can't be a valid argument for this. Besides there are many kids that have watched their parents die of cancer and I bet if you asked them all they would say that they are much happier having been with their parent as they died than if they hadn't been there.


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Re: Losing ur kids - May 14th 2011, 11:04 PM

There is clearly something missing from the story. At least in this country there is a VERY strong non-interventionist principle in our legal system which in simplistic terms means that the courts do everything possible to avoid uprooting children and interfering in family life. I would imagine it is much the same accross the pond. If they have awarded custody to the father then there is most likely a very good reason for it especially in light of the generally pro-female bias of the family law system.

Quote:
'How does a woman with no kids and who has never been married become a judge in family court?' she wrote on her blog.
Probably by, y'know, taking a law degree and specialising in family law perhaps? Honestly, since when was having children a basis for being a good judge? Ridiculous. Although, knowing the media, I'm willing to bet that her comment is a little bit out of context.
   
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