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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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What Are Friends? - September 13th 2011, 03:21 AM

I'll say from the start, this thread IS MEANT TO INCLUDE DEBATES, YOU MAY BE QUESTIONED AND CHALLENGED FOR YOUR RESPONSES AND THE LOGIC YOU GIVE.

Suppose you were friends with someone for 5 years and you were bummed out because you failed your math test. You go to your friend who got a much higher mark hoping they'll comfort you but they don't. This makes you sad, so you browse the Internet and stumble upon TH. You make an account here, post the issue and people comment saying, "they're not really your friend because they didn't support you". Does that make any sense? Do people who say that on TH and on other sites understand what they're posting?

I find such statements incredibly arrogant. They imply that your best friend(s) should be robotic copies of yourself so they'll NEVER disagree or refuse to support you. The moment that best friend for 5 years doesn't console you, whether they have a legit reason or not, people suggest the friendship should be broken. Those statements also imply your best friends can think/do whatever they want, as long as they can drop everything on a whim and rush over to be a shoulder to cry on. People aren't robotic, they don't have a button they can push that allows them to be in a proper mindset to console you and another button that transports them exactly where you are. People also have their own lives, they may be dealing with their own personal troubles and cannot bare the added weight of your problems. I think anyone would agree with the content of this paragraph... so why are such statements of, "they really aren't your best friend" used? They re-define a friend as someone who will be there for you as a tool and when that tool is faulty, you toss it out. Ironically, many people may disagree with that.

So, TH, I have a few questions, think before you answer each one.

1) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years cannot support you because they are busy, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?

2) Do you believe friends can have differing opinions, even if they oppose each other from time to time?

3) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years does not agree or refuses to support you for whatever personal reasons, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?

4) Considering what I have said, would you say such statements in-person, on TH or elsewhere?

5) Do you believe such statements are helpful to people in those situations?

6) If a friend told you, "you're not really my best friend because you didn't support me back then regardless of your reasoning", would you abandon them or try to work it out?

And for the most important question of all,

7) Based on everything asked and said so far, what constitutes a friend? Is it being a robotic copy? Is it being open to disagreements without abandoning your friend? Is it something else?


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Re: What Are Friends? - September 13th 2011, 03:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
So, TH, I have a few questions, think before you answer each one.

1) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years cannot support you because they are busy, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?

2) Do you believe friends can have differing opinions, even if they oppose each other from time to time?

3) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years does not agree or refuses to support you for whatever personal reasons, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?

4) Considering what I have said, would you say such statements in-person, on TH or elsewhere?

5) Do you believe such statements are helpful to people in those situations?

6) If a friend told you, "you're not really my best friend because you didn't support me back then regardless of your reasoning", would you abandon them or try to work it out?

And for the most important question of all,

7) Based on everything asked and said so far, what constitutes a friend? Is it being a robotic copy? Is it being open to disagreements without abandoning your friend? Is it something else?
1. This is absolutely rediculous in most cases, but it depends on the situation. In the case of a failed math test of course not. If there's a history of months or years where they haven't been there then maybe

2. Well, yeah everyone differs in opinons on some things and some people differ in opinions on everything, it doesn't mean that they can't be friends

3. It depends what I need support in and to an extent what the reason is. Best friends would at least try to be there for me and if they couldn't be for whatever reason then they would at least have the decency to tell me so, they wouldn't just abandon me.

4. I have never said that here or anywhere unless I really felt it was necessary. Such as in cases where dealing with the 'friend' was bad for or triggering to the person in question. In the specific instance of a bad test grade it wouldn't even cross my mind.

5. Again, it depends what we're talking about. In the situation you specifically mention, no, but in a case where remaining friends with someone might be bad for the person's well being based on what we're being told, then yes. Ultimately it's up to people to make their own decisions about who they want in their lives and who they don't.

6. I'd like to believe that this wouldn't happen to me and again it depends what you're talking about. If the person says we weren't friends because I wasn't there for them on one day over a test and they made a big deal about it I probably wouldn't want to be friends with them anyway. Depending on who it was and how long I'd known them I might try, but if it didn't work I'd let the person go for the sake of my well being.

7. A friend is someone you feel you can open up to about the personal things, but who you also care about enough to return the favor when necessary. If our friends were all "robotic copies" life would be really boring. You have to have things in common I think and disagreeing is fine as long as it's not about every single little thing and you can respect each others opinions on things even if you disagree with them.

As a side note, and you'll probably rip into me for this, before you go on a TH advice rant, let me remind you that people here are mostly teenagers and their logic might differ from yours. Also, we only get one side of the story here and if someone is upset when they post they can make things sound worse than they are. We are never going to get the full story, in an environment like this it's impossible and we work with what we're given. I would never post something like what you suggest except as a last resort and it would be based on the information I was given by the person.


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Re: What Are Friends? - September 13th 2011, 05:04 AM

1. Yes. A best friend supports you around being busy. A person can still be your friend, but in my opinion if they haven't been there to help you in 5 years then they aren't your best friend.
2.Yes, and this is very obvious in friendships between culture gaps (ex: I'm an atheist and my best friend is a Muslim)
3. In some cases yes and in some cases no. For example, if my best friend refused to help me in the 5 years after I came out, then we aren't really best friends.
4. I'm confused here.
5. ^
6. I would let them go. The keyword here is 'regardless', and that means they don't want to work it out.
7. "A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection". A friend is a person you know for a duration of time, that you have mutual affection with, and can call on for support.
   
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Re: What Are Friends? - September 13th 2011, 05:38 AM

1) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years cannot support you because they are busy, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
No, if they can’t support me I’ll just call another friend but I don’t take it to heart I know they are busy.

2) Do you believe friends can have differing opinions, even if they oppose each other from time to time?
Yes, whenever my friends and I discuss things about philosophy or religion we always have different opinions but in the end of the argument they are my friends and I don’t usually let silly arguments ruin my friendship we even insult each other in a funny way.

3) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years does not agree or refuses to support you for whatever personal reasons, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
No, I know my best friends don’t have all the answers in the universe so if they can’t support me from time to time I don’t mind, plus we have a different humor between us that no one understands so if they don’t have an answer humor always helps.

4) Considering what I have said, would you say such statements in-person, on TH or elsewhere?
No.

5) Do you believe such statements are helpful to people in those situations?

Depends what they are looking for, some people don't like straight forward answers so TH sugarcoat them and when someone says something they don't like they get all wild and crazy.

6) If a friend told you, "you're not really my best friend because you didn't support me back then regardless of your reasoning", would you abandon them or try to work it out?
I’ll be like “bitch we’ve known each other for 20+ years don’t give me that bull, you know you love me.”
And for the most important question of all,

7) Based on everything asked and said so far, what constitutes a friend? Is it being a robotic copy? Is it being open to disagreements without abandoning your friend? Is it something else?
Respectful, sincere, honest and LOVE.


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Re: What Are Friends? - September 13th 2011, 01:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post

So, TH, I have a few questions, think before you answer each one.

1) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years cannot support you because they are busy, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?

2) Do you believe friends can have differing opinions, even if they oppose each other from time to time?

3) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years does not agree or refuses to support you for whatever personal reasons, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?

4) Considering what I have said, would you say such statements in-person, on TH or elsewhere?

5) Do you believe such statements are helpful to people in those situations?

6) If a friend told you, "you're not really my best friend because you didn't support me back then regardless of your reasoning", would you abandon them or try to work it out?

And for the most important question of all,

7) Based on everything asked and said so far, what constitutes a friend? Is it being a robotic copy? Is it being open to disagreements without abandoning your friend? Is it something else?
1. Absolutely not. Everyone is busy. It would be different if they weren't there for you for those 5 years. However, if they were busy just one time, it's no big deal. Everyone gets busy, and I wouldn't expect them to drop everything they are doing just to help me with someone that might not even be important anyway.

2. Of course. I'm up for a good debate from time to time, and I love when my friends partake in them. I don't expect them to see my way, or my views on certain things. For example, I had a friend who would try talking about Christianity, since he partook in a lot of activities with his church. I told him that I thought he was trying to get me to see his way on church and religion, even though I don't have a religion, and choose not too. We got into a heated argument about it, but we finally came to terms that religion shouldn't be discussed among us since it caused arguments.

3. Yes. Depending on what their 'personal' reasons were. I would expect out of my friends to support any decision that I was making, unless it was truly harming me or putting me in harms way (such as drug use or alcoholism). If they could just discuss with me what their personal reasons were, I might be more understanding, but if they flat out told me 'No, I cannot support you on this', then I would think of them as a lousy friend.

4. Oh yes. I speak my mind freely, even if that means I'm going to hurt the feelings of the people around me. Some people can't handle the truth, and some people can. But, everyone is entitled to an opinion, whether that person likes it or not.

5. I do. People need to learn that not everyone is going to see their way, and vice versa.

6. I would try to work it out. All of my friendships are dear to me, but if there was no way I could work it out, I would leave. They obviously don't want to be my friend, and it could go deeper than what they said about not supporting them. If they don't want to talk to me about, I find it to be their loss, not my own.

7. I don't want my friends to be copies of me. I HATE that. For example, I had a friend a few years back try to copy everything I do, such as the way I dressed, the way I talked, even down to my handwriting. I don't want my friends to be my twin. Friends to me are people who are going to be there for me, but I'll understand if they can't. I would expect them same courtesy (such as me being there for them, but if something was going on, they'd understand why). I've had problems a lot with this lately, as I've had many family business to take care of and friends got mad at me because I wasn't going to hang out with them because my motto is family comes first, no matter what. To me, those friends aren't worth it because they don't get it. It had me questioning "What do their families think about them?" I just want friends to be supportive, to be there, to share my good AND bad times with. I'd do it for them.











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Re: What Are Friends? - September 13th 2011, 04:08 PM

1) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years cannot support you because they are busy, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
I think this question is absolutely ridiculous, personally. For me, a best friend for five years shouldn't HAVE to be there for you all the time, the fact that they're there at all should be enough.


2) Do you believe friends can have differing opinions, even if they oppose each other from time to time?
Of course!


3) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years does not agree or refuses to support you for whatever personal reasons, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
I think this one would depend on their reasons, and what the disagreement is on.


4) Considering what I have said, would you say such statements in-person, on TH or elsewhere?
This question is confusing to me, so I'm assuming we're talking about statements such as "then they're not really your friend." In this case, I would say it on TH but I would make it clear that what I say is based ONLY on what the poster has said and that I don't really know either of them.

5) Do you believe such statements are helpful to people in those situations?
I believe it depends on the situation.


6) If a friend told you, "you're not really my best friend because you didn't support me back then regardless of your reasoning", would you abandon them or try to work it out?
If they also made an effort to work it out, then I would. Generally with me, if you don't try then why should I give a fuck? If they don't try, I'd probably stop trying as well. They can come to me when they want.


7) Based on everything asked and said so far, what constitutes a friend? Is it being a robotic copy? Is it being open to disagreements without abandoning your friend? Is it something else?
There are different types of friends. But to me, none of them are robotic copies. There are so many different types of friends, but generally it's more being open to disagreements. It's not fun if someone agrees with you 24/7



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Re: What Are Friends? - September 13th 2011, 04:34 PM

I'll answer shortly cos I have little time. Friendship is about honesty and trust. If there's something your friend doesn't like about you, it's better he be honest about it than pretend he's all happy and shit. Of course gotta chose the right moment to break the news or it's just as bad or even worse. I think all 7 questions can be answered from what I wrote.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: What Are Friends? - September 14th 2011, 01:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
1) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years cannot support you because they are busy, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
Well, it depends on many circumstances. There are some friends that I can confide in whenever I have a struggle in life, and there's friends that are strictly happiness and non-expression of negative emotions. If we are to talk about BEST friends, it's a completely different story. My best friend is his own man; has no time to do anything, makes money, eventually gonna get married to his girlfriend, and he's been through military and his dad dying at an early age. He considers support as letting you fix your own problems. He has supported me...financially, and even through conversations, but only when he's wanted to/felt the need to step in. To answer your question, just because a friend doesn't support you doesn't automatically mean they're your best friends. If you are to date a woman that has a strong similarity with you and she changes and no longer has the same similarity, that relationship is affected because you got used to that person. Friendship is the same way; if you expect them to give you support because that's their protocol and they don't, then they probably wouldn't be much of a best friend at that point if the "busy" excuse occurs often. However, if they are consistent in their lack of support (the support that you want at least), then they're still able to be your best friends because that is the response that you expect and possibly the reason why they're best friends to begin with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
2) Do you believe friends can have differing opinions, even if they oppose each other from time to time?
Of course. Friends come in wide ranges. A Christian can have the same attitude as an Atheist in some circumstances; a Christian wouldn't take an Atheist to church, but a Christian can play soccer and all that jazz just like an Atheist can. Besides, some people can be friends with people of opposing views because, deep down, they want to have the same ideals and are friends simply to be challenged. I know because that's how my friendship with my best friend was for a period of time; I wanted his mentality and therefore wanted him to challenge me so I could be convinced.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
3) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years does not agree or refuses to support you for whatever personal reasons, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
If originally they never supported you, then that behavior is normal. If they supported you and then start not supporting you, then that's questionable behavior and probably won't be your best friends for much longer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
4) Considering what I have said, would you say such statements in-person, on TH or elsewhere?
Nope.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
5) Do you believe such statements are helpful to people in those situations?
Nope.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
6) If a friend told you, "you're not really my best friend because you didn't support me back then regardless of your reasoning", would you abandon them or try to work it out?
I'd be like...you're X amount of years old. You've been through enough to know that any problem you experience can only be dealt with by yourself. 21 years old is a long time and a lot of experience, and most of my friends are that age.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
7) Based on everything asked and said so far, what constitutes a friend? Is it being a robotic copy? Is it being open to disagreements without abandoning your friend? Is it something else?
A friend is someone you can connect with in a friendly level that brings entertainment and temporary satisfaction.
   
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Re: What Are Friends? - September 15th 2011, 04:03 AM

This thread got more responses than I anticipated and it was interesting seeing some of them as they were not always the same, so to make the post shorter, I'm only quoting certain posts as they are representative of the others thus far.

What I found was interesting as every person who responded recognized the logical flaws when someone says, "then they're not really your best friend". For example, everyone agreed they wouldn't like friends who are robotic copies, some even had friends who did their best to copy them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kate* View Post

As a side note, and you'll probably rip into me for this, before you go on a TH advice rant, let me remind you that people here are mostly teenagers and their logic might differ from yours. Also, we only get one side of the story here and if someone is upset when they post they can make things sound worse than they are. We are never going to get the full story, in an environment like this it's impossible and we work with what we're given. I would never post something like what you suggest except as a last resort and it would be based on the information I was given by the person.
True, their logic would differ from mine. In fact, that is one of the reasons why I posted this thread, to get an overall understanding from various users. Granted, it's in the debates section and I think only certain people frequently come here so perhaps posting it in the General area would have been a wiser move on my part. However, I like debates and you're the first person to present an argument.

Even for issues in-person we aren't likely to get the full story, which is why asking questions to probe around for information is useful but people aren't going to give full information for various reasons.

I'm quite surprised by your last sentence because I've seen it posted over and over and over on TH. I know you haven't posted them but from what you're suggesting, other users frequently feel they're at their "last resort". You may also find some of the responses from this thread interesting, such as regarding Question 4:

Quote:

Oh yes. I speak my mind freely, even if that means I'm going to hurt the feelings of the people around me. Some people can't handle the truth, and some people can. But, everyone is entitled to an opinion, whether that person likes it or not.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ShannonPants View Post

3. Yes. Depending on what their 'personal' reasons were. I would expect out of my friends to support any decision that I was making, unless it was truly harming me or putting me in harms way (such as drug use or alcoholism). If they could just discuss with me what their personal reasons were, I might be more understanding, but if they flat out told me 'No, I cannot support you on this', then I would think of them as a lousy friend.
If you think they would be a lousy friend for saying they cannot support you on something, would you also agree that it's a fair assessment to say all those months/years you were best friends was all a waste? After all, it all led up to one rather small event that quickly broke the camel's back. Lastly, why do you feel it is so important for the friend to explain their reasons for not supporting you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CloserToTheClouds View Post
I think this question is absolutely ridiculous, personally. For me, a best friend for five years shouldn't HAVE to be there for you all the time, the fact that they're there at all should be enough.
You're right, it is ridiculous. However, I made it so because the posts I was referring to where users gave advice/help by saying, "they're not really your best friend" was often in such minor situations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CloserToTheClouds View Post
This question is confusing to me, so I'm assuming we're talking about statements such as "then they're not really your friend."
Correct.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CloserToTheClouds View Post
I believe it depends on the situation.
What about for the situation I gave?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CloserToTheClouds View Post
If they also made an effort to work it out, then I would.
Would stay or leave?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CloserToTheClouds View Post
Generally with me, if you don't try then why should I give a fuck? If they don't try, I'd probably stop trying as well. They can come to me when they want.
If they come to you for support or advice, would you receive them with open arms as though they were once again your best friend?


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Re: What Are Friends? - September 15th 2011, 02:12 PM

To answer your new questions, depending on if they told me their reasons or not. So, let's say they tell me their reasons: I wouldn't think those months/years were wasted. They told me their reasons, like a good friend would, and even though they might not be supporting my decision, I would still continue to be their friend. They talked to me about it, we discussed everything (All of my friends do this now if they don't agree on something I'm doing or have done in the past). Obviously, I'm not changing my stance on them being a lousy friend if they don't talk to me about it. Why you ask? Because communicating is important, even amongst friends. Here is an example (from me to another friend): My best friend in the entire world is Shaun. We've known each other for about two years and since then, he's only dated around 3 people, two of which I met personally, the third I hadn't since she was away at school. The girl who was away at school, and the first girl he dated weren't right for him...so I told him so. The first girl was playing with his emotions and this other guys emotions which I didn't think was fair to anyone in the situation. She went on to choose the other guy anyway, and Shaun appreciated me being open about how I felt. The second girl was legit CRAZY, planning their wedding and their futures within the FIRST month of being together. So, I told him he needed to reconsider his relationship with her. Now, the third girl I think could potentially be good for him, however, they've been taking things a little too quickly, all of which I told him. They've known each other for a little under 4 weeks, and they've already gotten an apartment together in which they move in next week.

I'm always honest with my friends, and I would expect the same thing from them in return. It might be a lot to ask, but I don't think so.











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Re: What Are Friends? - September 15th 2011, 04:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
If they come to you for support or advice, would you receive them with open arms as though they were once again your best friend?
If they had a true situation where they really needed support (I'm not just talking about the minor stuff everyone goes through, I'm talking major stuff like someone is sick/dies/etc.) then I would be there for them without question, however this does not mean I would trust them or that we'd even be friends like we had been before depending on what happened that made us not friends and how long it had been. And to answer the previous question, if they stopped trying to keep the friendship then I would also stop trying. Friendship is a two way street, unless both people try/want it won't work.



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Re: What Are Friends? - September 15th 2011, 05:40 PM

[quote=The Man And XX Master;723301]

True, their logic would differ from mine. In fact, that is one of the reasons why I posted this thread, to get an overall understanding from various users. Granted, it's in the debates section and I think only certain people frequently come here so perhaps posting it in the General area would have been a wiser move on my part. However, I like debates and you're the first person to present an argument.

Even for issues in-person we aren't likely to get the full story, which is why asking questions to probe around for information is useful but people aren't going to give full information for various reasons.

I'm quite surprised by your last sentence because I've seen it posted over and over and over on TH. I know you haven't posted them but from what you're suggesting, other users frequently feel they're at their "last resort". You may also find some of the responses from this thread interesting, such as regarding Question 4:[quote]

Ok, how am I suggesting that other users are at their last resort? Yes, we get some very frustrating people here sometimes and some people who feel like they might be posting as a last resort. Not only have I never posted that, but I also can't control what someone else posts and I can't really judge what someone esle says unless it is clearly inappropriate. I read everyone's responses so far and question 4 seemed confusing to people. No, in most cases I don't believe it's appropriate, but there are some, for example where the friends have engaged in maladapitve behaviors together and now one is trying to recover. I wolud suggest then that they take a break for awhile and see where the relationship is once they're secure in their recovery, but it isn't my place to say who someone should or should not be friends with. Or another example, if someone is being abused or mistreated by their friends, in this case I would suggest that because being 'friends' with those people is harmful to them.


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Re: What Are Friends? - September 15th 2011, 07:04 PM

1) It completely depends on what kind of busy, and what kind of trauma I'm going through. If they're busy watching "American idol" and I'm sad because my grandmother killed herself, then yes, I would say we are no longer best friends. If I were upset for something minor, like getting extra homework and they were busy studying for a test, I would realize my problem is actually quite silly.

2) For sure. I haven't actually ever met a friend who has the exact same moral or religious beliefs as me. I had a friend who thought Christianity was nothing but a hoax, at the same time, I believe in Christianity, and once in a while we would get in fights over it, but it never would deter me from being friends with him. Other friends are full blown Christians who are against anything that has to do with magic (Harry Potter, etc) because it "Undermines God" and yet we still remain friends, for different reasons than the friend I listed above.

3) Again, it depends on the situation. For instance, if they refused to aid me in a time when I'm suicidal, because they were suicidal and find it hard to discuss, it's hard to say how I would react to them. I probably would be really pissed off, and hurt, but I would have to accept that they simply do not want to talk. Although the friendship would be slightly damaged, I don't think I would "demote" our friendship status.

4) I would tell people something like what you said in real life, but probably not online. However I would obviously make it sound... nicer...

5) Yes, I think when someone is looking for pity or a "poor me" over stuff that really is their fault (Like a bad grade on a test, because you didn't study) then telling them they aren't rational really will help them, and probably save their friendships.

6) I would likely tell them that we all have problems, and although friends should help each other, I am not their therapist, and I will not always be there to offer a tissue. If I found the issue at hand was silly or irrelevant, I would tell them that. I would explain that their reasoning is trival and petty, and to "demote" a friend whenever something doesn't go your way is foolish, and probably not the kind of person I would want to be friends with.

And for the most important question of all,

7) A friend is someone who puts up with your flaws, if you do the same for them. That being said, you are not each other's therapists, and unless you accept the role of "Consoler" then you should not be expected to offer a tissue and kinds words whenever anything is bothering your friend.

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Re: What Are Friends? - September 15th 2011, 09:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
1) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years cannot support you because they are busy, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
I think that it depends on why they're busy. If they're busy mowing the lawn, or they're busy watching cat videos then that would tell me that they value doing that over me. I think I should be worth more than that to a real friend. If they're busy because they're at their mothers funeral, then that's quite different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
2) Do you believe friends can have differing opinions, even if they oppose each other from time to time?
"Friends who want to stay friends, don't discuss religion or politics."
Differing opinions is fine but discussion of very upper-teir topics like these often leads to argument, argument leads to resentment and bad feelings. I don't like to discuss religion or politics with my closest friends, but I'm okay with discussing it with people I am sort of friendly with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
3) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years does not agree or refuses to support you for whatever personal reasons, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
Depends on the circumstance. If it was their religious beliefs, or a really strong personal ethic I could understand. If I wanted them to help me tidy up my house before my parents got home from a party, but they said they couldn't because the dust makes them sneeze, then that's not good enough.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
4) Considering what I have said, would you say such statements in-person, on TH or elsewhere?
Yes. I'd say it to anyone. Friends should be friends, not friends when it's convenient.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
5) Do you believe such statements are helpful to people in those situations?
Not sure I understand the question.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
6) If a friend told you, "you're not really my best friend because you didn't support me back then regardless of your reasoning", would you abandon them or try to work it out?
I could see where they were coming from. I'd try to resolve it.

And for the most important question of all,

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
7) Based on everything asked and said so far, what constitutes a friend? Is it being a robotic copy? Is it being open to disagreements without abandoning your friend? Is it something else?
An emotional attachment, a oneness. It's when you can start a sentence and they can finish it for you. It's when they ask you to get them some ice cream, and you know exactly what flavour they like. It's when you spend all night trying to complete that one f***ing level of Donkey Kong then celebrating by chugging 2 litres of Cola.

Last edited by forfrosne; September 15th 2011 at 09:42 PM.
   
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Re: What Are Friends? - September 18th 2011, 03:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
1) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years cannot support you because they are busy, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
No. That would be stupid.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
2) Do you believe friends can have differing opinions, even if they oppose each other from time to time?
You mean people can think independently and still talk? OMG /sarcasm.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
3) Do you believe that if a friend for, say, 5 years does not agree or refuses to support you for whatever personal reasons, it is suitable to say they're not really your best friends?
Who cares if they have a different opinion? They are your friend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
4) Considering what I have said, would you say such statements in-person, on TH or elsewhere?
No, I don't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
5) Do you believe such statements are helpful to people in those situations?
Of course not it is just telling people what they want to hear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
6) If a friend told you, "you're not really my best friend because you didn't support me back then regardless of your reasoning", would you abandon them or try to work it out?
If they could not see the logic in why I disagreed with them and refused to listen to me I would walk away. I don't have time for people who view the world in black or white and cling to these stupid notions of friends being simply clones.

And for the most important question of all,

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
7) Based on everything asked and said so far, what constitutes a friend? Is it being a robotic copy? Is it being open to disagreements without abandoning your friend? Is it something else?
They are people who can challenge you mentally with a good debate every now and again. They can have the values that most oppose you in the world and still be a good friend. Friends are people we enjoy being with and you can absolutely kill from time to time, hate them with your entire being and then laugh it off like a pair of nihilistic assholes (at least that's what I think).
   
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