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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 11:38 AM

ok so i was hanging with my friends and some other people who i am not friendly with, yesterday and these two men started kissing, I, being bi, have no problem, but most of the kids did, and they started laughing and yelling 'homo' and stuff, i wanted to stop them, but it was gonna be me against like 10, and i honestly thought they would hurt me if i tried to stop the kids, i just feel bad about not stopping them, please tell me i was justified by not stopping them because i feared harm to myself, and if its not justified, please tell me why


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 12:12 PM

Sweetie don't feel bad not stopping them ... did anyone else? I doubt it. It's a social pressure everyone feels, so don't feel bad. Most often, even if someone's being beaten up people will walk on by.
Obviously the world would be a better place if we could just step in and say "enough, stop what you're doing" and people listened. But we can't. We have to think about harm to ourselves as well as to the other people.
And no matter how many people say "oh I would have said something", they probably wouldn't. I wouldn't have. Maybe if it was one or two people, but not 10.
Be glad you're not homophobic your are far more open minded than those people and should be proud of that!


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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 12:38 PM

I've been in this position before. It was my first week at a new school and I was hanging around with this girl and her friend who I had only met recently. At my old school I was pretty assertive and up until that point in my life I probably would have stepped in, whether it was with friends or with complete strangers.

What happened was there was this guy called Sam, I think he was a year younger than us. He has some kind of intellectual disability. Anyway, the girl I was with, her boyfriend starting making fun of him and pretending to throw coins on the ground and he was chasing after them. It was so sad and I was pretty disgusted with all of them. They all thought it was hilarious. Eventually Sam got sick of them and walked away, so it wasn't like he was in physical danger. I just said I had to go do something and didn't talk to them again.

I'll always remember that because I was so disgusted with myself that I just let that happen. And I think you'll get two kinds of responses here, one camp saying that you were right and you could have been in danger if you spoke up, the other will say you should have done something and that if you don't speak up then nobody will. It's all quite predictable, if you've spent time on this section you'll already know who will say what. I guess, though, that we should see stuff like that happening (in my situation and yours) we should speak up. But life gets in the way, and things are never that straight forward.

If you were doing that all the time, then I think it would be wrong. But it was one time and you must have felt put on the spot. Not to mention you thought you were in physical danger. I also think that if you're with friends people that bully others, that hate part of who you are and who you actually think might harm you if you oppose them in some way... it's time to invest in some new friends.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 01:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic. View Post
Sweetie don't feel bad not stopping them ... did anyone else? I doubt it. It's a social pressure everyone feels, so don't feel bad. Most often, even if someone's being beaten up people will walk on by.
Obviously the world would be a better place if we could just step in and say "enough, stop what you're doing" and people listened. But we can't. We have to think about harm to ourselves as well as to the other people.
And no matter how many people say "oh I would have said something", they probably wouldn't. I wouldn't have. Maybe if it was one or two people, but not 10.
Be glad you're not homophobic your are far more open minded than those people and should be proud of that!
I agree with this. If we do step up and say enough is enough, sometimes people just won't listen to us so you probably did the right thing in not saying anything because you don't want to make the situation worse for yourself. If there was few people then maybe it would have had some effect but when there is a group of people doing it, you're outnumbered and your voice most likely won't be heard but at least you can say that you didn't join in and you were against what they were doing which makes you better then them.
   
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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 01:37 PM

Where "in public" were you. Not to condone bigotry under any circumstances, but it may make a difference. Seeing two guys kissing in McDonald's would kinda creep me out too, not so much in a public park.



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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 02:02 PM

There's a difference between being "creeped out" or made to feel uncomfortable with a public display of affection, homo or heterosexual, and actually verbally abusing those involved.

I just have to side with Marguerite entirely. Couldn't have putted it better myself. If your friends are engaging in behaviour that you do not agree with or makes you feel uneasy, then it's time to find new friends.




   
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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 02:07 PM

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Originally Posted by Ghost On The Highway View Post
Where "in public" were you. Not to condone bigotry under any circumstances, but it may make a difference. Seeing two guys kissing in McDonald's would kinda creep me out too, not so much in a public park.


it was at the center. the center is a place with stores, the library, basically where everyone goes to hang out, buy, sell, and do drugs, smoke, and generally be teenagers, everyone is either outside of a store, in an alleyway, or in a parking lot


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 02:10 PM

Sketchy place, sketchy people. To be expected but certainly not supported or encouraged.



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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 6th 2011, 08:54 PM

You shouldn't feel bad about not stopping them. You could've tried, and risked harm to yourself. In that case, stepping in is not the smartest idea. You have nothing to feel sorry for or bad about.


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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 7th 2011, 01:59 AM

Not much you can really do about if you felt it could impact your own safety it was best leave alone.


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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 7th 2011, 03:56 AM

I really don't care if a gay couple is kissing in public. I don't care for any couple (gay or straight) does that as long as they're not full-on making out, because that's downright inappropriate.

I'm not sure I would have stepped in against such odds, but I certainly understand why someone would.


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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 7th 2011, 04:44 AM

Well noone should be making out in public (that's just creepy). But if someone is gay, then they know what will happen when they show it in public, especially in such an upfront way, they should expect ridicule. Now I don't hate gay people, my neighbor and his boyfriend are gay, they helped me find my dog when he got out of the house, drove around looking for it and all. I don't hate the person, I hate the aspect of the person, such as saying "I hate how John is always late for everything", I don't hate John, just that he's always late. But personally, don't make out in public, especially if you are gay.
   
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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 8th 2011, 12:00 AM

Don't feel bad about not stepping up. You would have been risking your safety if you did, and it was in a group of 10, like you said, so it would not have been good to risk your safety. I personally have no problems with people of any sexuality kissing in public though as long as they're not making out or anything, as was previously mentioned.


   
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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 8th 2011, 01:54 AM

It was a poor choice on their parts for kissing in public because such acts by gay people are going to arouse reactions, more so than if it were a male-female couple kissing. They should have (perhaps they did) expect such reactions, however, if they continued I don't think they cared about the ridicule they received. As for your lack of actions, you were justified because of the likely fear your concerns would be ignored or you'd put yourself in danger. It all depends though on how intense they were going because the ridicule, although negative, could have encouraged them to zip up any clothing that came undone and find somewhere more private.


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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 8th 2011, 02:01 AM

I get what people are saying about gay people kissing knowing they will get more of a reaction than most, and yes that's true ... but on a similar note, society is never going to learn to accept that gay people have the same right to love and affection that straight people have, unless society sees them together and doing things straight couples do. We need social change for people to accept it and stop the abuse, and that often is best done by exposure and gradual acceptance


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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 8th 2011, 07:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guile View Post
Well noone should be making out in public (that's just creepy). But if someone is gay, then they know what will happen when they show it in public, especially in such an upfront way, they should expect ridicule. Now I don't hate gay people, my neighbor and his boyfriend are gay, they helped me find my dog when he got out of the house, drove around looking for it and all. I don't hate the person, I hate the aspect of the person, such as saying "I hate how John is always late for everything", I don't hate John, just that he's always late. But personally, don't make out in public, especially if you are gay.

so basically you are saying being gay is wrong?


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Re: Gay men kissing in public - October 8th 2011, 08:43 PM

Sometimes it's not easy to stand up for certain things. We've all been there. We're only human.
   
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