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Religion and Spirituality, Science and Philosophy Use this forum to discuss what you believe in. This is a place where everyone may share their views freely.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I Need to Change... - September 10th 2012, 03:18 PM

This quote was taken directly from my blog:

Quote:
For a long period of time, before I met Kathleen, I thought that life was a complete fucking joke. Sometimes I still feel that way, actually. I've concluded that the reason why I've slacked off is not only because I was depressed, but because I've failed to take life seriously. Perhaps it was a coping mechanism. When you're born, your parents prepare you for school to learn. In elementary school, they prepare you to learn in middle school. In middle school, they prepare you to learn in high school. In high school, they prepare you for college. In college, they prepare you for a career. During your career, they prepare you for death. Once you get old enough to retire, the rest of your life is going through the phase of accepting your inevitable death.
source here

I go into depth in my blog but basically...I think I'm finally realizing that I'm stuck at this point in my life because I'm having trouble getting over my past philosophy. I had a failure to take life seriously, and I believe that it was a coping mechanism when I was depressed, lonely, etc.

I want to change, become a better person...you know...push myself, but it's hard when you've spent many years not taking life, even yourself, very seriously. I think life and everybody in it is all a joke, but I'm changing ever so slowly when I'm with my girlfriend. However, now is not the time to change at a slow rate because I'm 22 years old, need to get a better job, need to move out, career, etc etc...but the more I think about it...the less I actually do anything about it because I'm used to the simplicity of life. I haven't realized the mistakes that I'm making when I understand that I'm in a difficult position...but I justify my lack of concern by explaining that I wanted to kill myself, didn't take life very seriously, etc. In other words, my failure to change is my fault, but it's an acceptable failure because I was so much worse of a failure. I'm making excuses to why I can't change to better my life, and I'm just prolonging everything.

Of course, I told my girlfriend about this and she doesn't support my early concept of life, she says that she can't help me very much...understandable...but I'm definitely feeling alone in this. I just want someone to show me the way...show me how to think differently about life and keep those thoughts. I want to truly move on, but I just don't know how to start. So much shit to do but not much motivation to do it and I believe that my early philosophy on life, the simplicity of life, is a real burden to me because it's really holding me back from my full potential.
   
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Re: I Need to Change... - September 11th 2012, 06:50 AM

Just because you don't really think life has a meaning doesn't make you a bad person. Realizing that you want to change is a huge step. After reading your blog I you seem like a person that really doesn't care for tomorrow. Its just I am born and I am working my way to die, simple as that. You don't seem like you have ambitions. You need a reason to look forward for tomorrow. Start with that. Find a reason for tomorrow and a reason for success. Find out what you want to do, what do you want to achieve before you die. Your girlfriend is right she can't really help you because all of these thoughts you have and how you feel are all in your brain. Its what YOU think of the world. She might only be your reason. No one can do anything and it's very hard to change what you think of the world. you just have to start caring and wanting a tomorrow. So finding a meaning in life is easy. It could be anything. It could be being a spouse or a parent. It could be whatever you want it to be. Find the meaning of your life.

You can make your life better. Put the excuses aside and don't care that you might die tomorrow. Achieve things like you will live forever and do them quickly like you will die tomorrow. Don't ponder about death so much. You must want something to happen when you are alive. Put your excuses aside and find out what you want from your life. And all you need from your girlfriend is to know she will be there for you when you need her and she is your reason for wanting something out of life.
And there must be some kind of motivation. It doesn't have to big or life changing for others. You could be motivated by anything. A motivation might be to love your girlfriend.

I hope I answered your question. If you need me to clarify a point or want me to answer questions, ask me I'll be happy to answer them good luck!!!




ďIíve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. Iíve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, Iíve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. Iíve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.Ē
- Michael Jordan


Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Need to Change... - September 11th 2012, 07:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandon View Post
This quote was taken directly from my blog:

source here

I go into depth in my blog but basically...I think I'm finally realizing that I'm stuck at this point in my life because I'm having trouble getting over my past philosophy. I had a failure to take life seriously, and I believe that it was a coping mechanism when I was depressed, lonely, etc.

I want to change, become a better person...you know...push myself, but it's hard when you've spent many years not taking life, even yourself, very seriously. I think life and everybody in it is all a joke, but I'm changing ever so slowly when I'm with my girlfriend. However, now is not the time to change at a slow rate because I'm 22 years old, need to get a better job, need to move out, career, etc etc...but the more I think about it...the less I actually do anything about it because I'm used to the simplicity of life. I haven't realized the mistakes that I'm making when I understand that I'm in a difficult position...but I justify my lack of concern by explaining that I wanted to kill myself, didn't take life very seriously, etc. In other words, my failure to change is my fault, but it's an acceptable failure because I was so much worse of a failure. I'm making excuses to why I can't change to better my life, and I'm just prolonging everything.

Of course, I told my girlfriend about this and she doesn't support my early concept of life, she says that she can't help me very much...understandable...but I'm definitely feeling alone in this. I just want someone to show me the way...show me how to think differently about life and keep those thoughts. I want to truly move on, but I just don't know how to start. So much shit to do but not much motivation to do it and I believe that my early philosophy on life, the simplicity of life, is a real burden to me because it's really holding me back from my full potential.
First of all, let me say, you are not alone. I am in a similar place, actually, but I am 24. However, I can share with you what I've learned, and while it may not be helpful for you, it was helpful for me, and I feel it's all I have to offer you.

The very first thing you need to do is set an end goal. What do you want? Don't just say, "I want to move on," but think of what it is you want to move on to. If you just "move on" there is no real direction, no goal, and therefore, no purpose. You need a purpose. And for anyone, you need to find that purpose. Death is inevitable. There is nothing we can do to stop it, yet (if ever). However, the way I see life is that I need to do what I can to help future generations so they can experience the life that I was able to experience, thus, for me, I've found my answer in sciences. But, guess what? I don't have a degree. So, I am making those steps. And do you know where I am working? Walgreens. Am I excited about that? Hell no. But, guess what? Walgreens is solely a stage in my life, it isn't my destination. You might need a better job, but, you're 22. You have plenty of time to get one. But, you need to begin making steps to get one.

Of course, it isn't limited to science. Things like art, writing, music, mechanics, etc. etc. is useful. You simply need to find what it is you like, and view how it can have an impact for others. I'd refrain from changing for a girl because what happens if you lose that girl? You need find change for yourself and for future generations.

You seem to want to change everything at once because you feel as though you're getting older. Man, there are A LOT of 22 years olds in the same boat as you. In fact, a lot are probably a lot worse off. The thing is, you need an end goal, but you don't try to change everything at once. You change one thing at a time.

Do you need a degree for what you want to do? Then, maybe take a class or two at a community college. If not, make a few calls a day until you hear something back. You can't change everything at once, and no one is expecting that of you. You need to change one thing at a time. And if that girl doesn't accept you for not changing your state altogether at once, then she isn't worth your time. You have to learn to crawl before you can walk. Just because you're 22 doesn't mean that concept changes.

The last thing I would suggest is maybe spend some time with a therapist. Just talk to them. Maybe you'll come across a self-realization. Talk to a career counselor. Just take small steps. Don't rush into things or you'll have no motivation. Then, as you begin to add things, add more, and more, and more. And one day, you'll reach your goal. It might not be in a year, it might not be in 8 years. But you'll get there. And getting there is more important than giving up.

There are days where I am down. Really down. In fact, on top of a similar situation, I've recently lost my religion, my wife, and my families support. Life goes on, man, it won't slow down for you. But you need to begin making steps towards change. Not leaps. Just steps. Or, maybe crawls. If you need any more help, let me know.
   
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Re: I Need to Change... - September 12th 2012, 03:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Of Mike and Men View Post
First of all, let me say, you are not alone. I am in a similar place, actually, but I am 24. However, I can share with you what I've learned, and while it may not be helpful for you, it was helpful for me, and I feel it's all I have to offer you.

The very first thing you need to do is set an end goal. What do you want? Don't just say, "I want to move on," but think of what it is you want to move on to. If you just "move on" there is no real direction, no goal, and therefore, no purpose. You need a purpose. And for anyone, you need to find that purpose. Death is inevitable. There is nothing we can do to stop it, yet (if ever). However, the way I see life is that I need to do what I can to help future generations so they can experience the life that I was able to experience, thus, for me, I've found my answer in sciences. But, guess what? I don't have a degree. So, I am making those steps. And do you know where I am working? Walgreens. Am I excited about that? Hell no. But, guess what? Walgreens is solely a stage in my life, it isn't my destination. You might need a better job, but, you're 22. You have plenty of time to get one. But, you need to begin making steps to get one.

Of course, it isn't limited to science. Things like art, writing, music, mechanics, etc. etc. is useful. You simply need to find what it is you like, and view how it can have an impact for others. I'd refrain from changing for a girl because what happens if you lose that girl? You need find change for yourself and for future generations.

You seem to want to change everything at once because you feel as though you're getting older. Man, there are A LOT of 22 years olds in the same boat as you. In fact, a lot are probably a lot worse off. The thing is, you need an end goal, but you don't try to change everything at once. You change one thing at a time.

Do you need a degree for what you want to do? Then, maybe take a class or two at a community college. If not, make a few calls a day until you hear something back. You can't change everything at once, and no one is expecting that of you. You need to change one thing at a time. And if that girl doesn't accept you for not changing your state altogether at once, then she isn't worth your time. You have to learn to crawl before you can walk. Just because you're 22 doesn't mean that concept changes.

The last thing I would suggest is maybe spend some time with a therapist. Just talk to them. Maybe you'll come across a self-realization. Talk to a career counselor. Just take small steps. Don't rush into things or you'll have no motivation. Then, as you begin to add things, add more, and more, and more. And one day, you'll reach your goal. It might not be in a year, it might not be in 8 years. But you'll get there. And getting there is more important than giving up.

There are days where I am down. Really down. In fact, on top of a similar situation, I've recently lost my religion, my wife, and my families support. Life goes on, man, it won't slow down for you. But you need to begin making steps towards change. Not leaps. Just steps. Or, maybe crawls. If you need any more help, let me know.
I probably just need to stop thinking about the philosophy. I'm making a few changes...doing what you're saying...crawling before I walk. I'm setting goals for myself, albeit small goals, but I think that if I set goals for myself...I'll feel good about my accomplishments. As time goes on, I may seem to forget that philosophy and go full throttle. But you're right...I need to stop looking at the big picture and focus on one thing at a time. I don't want to overwhelm myself because I won't make improvement that way...I'll just get scared. I can't afford a therapist, but maybe I'll talk with a school counselor at my community college again and see if I can get some information on the kind of career I want. I think the main problem is that I don't know what I want to do with my life. I have a general idea...but I feel that if I actually know exactly what I want to do, I'll know exactly what I need to do...otherwise, I'm clueless and scared...

I hope things get better between you and I...but it's been difficult so far. It's hard to stay motivated when everyone around me, especially people at college (with nice cars, 2-3 jobs, apartment, etc), is basically indirectly slapping me in the face and saying "HEY DUDE! You're a failure at life, did you know that?"
   
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Re: I Need to Change... - September 12th 2012, 03:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandon View Post


I probably just need to stop thinking about the philosophy. I'm making a few changes...doing what you're saying...crawling before I walk. I'm setting goals for myself, albeit small goals, but I think that if I set goals for myself...I'll feel good about my accomplishments. As time goes on, I may seem to forget that philosophy and go full throttle.
You're already trying to refute that philosophy, so I think it would be better for you to instill a new philosophy (you already stated it in the thread), go full throttle and don't try to return to the old philosophy. I think one thing that could help this is understanding your old philosophy leaves you clueless and scared, which are feelings you openly admitted you no longer want. In other words, it's keeping the fire under your arse lit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandon View Post

I hope things get better between you and I...but it's been difficult so far. It's hard to stay motivated when everyone around me, especially people at college (with nice cars, 2-3 jobs, apartment, etc), is basically indirectly slapping me in the face and saying "HEY DUDE! You're a failure at life, did you know that?"
In my first year of university, I had a job, lived at home and had no car. In the end of my 2nd year to start of my 3rd year, I got my first car but it was used. It wasn't fancy, wasn't a brand new model but I didn't care about any of that. Students that had brand new fancy cars tended to have wealthy parents who bought them the car or paid for roughly half of it. A fancy car to put in the parking lot during class is the same thing as walking into class with a set of $200 sneakers; they don't help with your performance and after looking at them for a minute, most students lose attention because they're not impressed.

If you believe success is defined as having a fancy car, living away from home and having a job, then you can do all that as well. It's not necessarily going to be easy but it rarely, if ever, is easy for students unless their parents hand them everything on a silver platter and even pay for the apartment (a few students did have this luxury). Also, keep in mind, students live together with roommates in the apartment, it's very rare for a student to pay for all of the costs by themselves without getting their parents to help.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
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Re: I Need to Change... - September 13th 2012, 12:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandon View Post


I probably just need to stop thinking about the philosophy. I'm making a few changes...doing what you're saying...crawling before I walk. I'm setting goals for myself, albeit small goals, but I think that if I set goals for myself...I'll feel good about my accomplishments. As time goes on, I may seem to forget that philosophy and go full throttle. But you're right...I need to stop looking at the big picture and focus on one thing at a time. I don't want to overwhelm myself because I won't make improvement that way...I'll just get scared. I can't afford a therapist, but maybe I'll talk with a school counselor at my community college again and see if I can get some information on the kind of career I want. I think the main problem is that I don't know what I want to do with my life. I have a general idea...but I feel that if I actually know exactly what I want to do, I'll know exactly what I need to do...otherwise, I'm clueless and scared...

I hope things get better between you and I...but it's been difficult so far. It's hard to stay motivated when everyone around me, especially people at college (with nice cars, 2-3 jobs, apartment, etc), is basically indirectly slapping me in the face and saying "HEY DUDE! You're a failure at life, did you know that?"
In my opinion, no one can tell you you're a failure (of course, they technically can, but it shouldn't be taken personal). Success is all how you view it. That is, for one person, success may just be doing what they want, the other it might be making money, for another person it might just be setting their goals. There's no objective view of "success," it is whatever you make it to be. For me, I think so long as you are trying to make a difference, you shouldn't be worried about whether your successful. I mean, really, when is anyone actually successful? When does someone actually make it and say, "Today is the day I've become successful." Take this from Plato: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." Think of success in the same manner. Are you successful at meeting your goals? Then who's to tell you that you aren't successful? And if they do, who really cares? It's how you view yourself.

As far as finding a career, I'd say go with whatever you think it is, for now. Eventually something new might come up. But begin working towards something and make it your purpose. If you need some ideas, while it is not incredibly accurate (there is considerable debate about it), try taking a Meyers-Briggs personality test and enneagram test. Of course, don't take them to be the say all or to guide your life, but they can give you some ideas for careers that maybe you didn't know you had an interest in.

Also, maybe try finding some other forums with people interested in whatever field you are interested in, or maybe just some college fields. Read some books on the field, etc. Anything to keep your interest. You'd be surprised how much continually researching a topic can keep you motivated.

Last edited by ThisWillDestroyYou; September 13th 2012 at 12:37 AM.
   
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