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Religion and Spirituality, Science and Philosophy Use this forum to discuss what you believe in. This is a place where everyone may share their views freely.

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Two questions about Christianity - January 22nd 2018, 10:07 AM

Hey, I'm a Christian and I have two questions (duh ). I was going to create two separate threads but I thought that'd just be over complicating things and that it's easier this way. I do not drink or do drugs and I am abstinent, until marriage I guess. I'd always been this way for personal reasons but it had originally started because I was a Christian when I was younger. Then I became an atheist and I still had my morals but I let them slide a little...I never used to swear or say things like "Oh my God" or "what the hell" but when I was an atheist, I didn't care because I didn't believe there was a God so...why would I? Well, now that I'm a born-again Christian, I'm trying to get back into the habit of not saying those sorts of things anymore. And I'm trying to take the not drinking or using drugs and abstinence more seriously. The only problem is, people told me that I'm boring and that I don't have any personality, that I don't know how to have fun. But that can't be true, can it? I feel like I'm missing out on something but there must be more to life than just doing drugs and having sex. I don't look down on people for doing those sorts of things because it's their lives but I just feel better if I don't, personally. My best friend smokes weed and gets wasted every weekend, I don't care. I still do the same things as other people. I mean, I listen to secular music 99% of the time and I watch any shows or movies that I like, I actually like horrors the best. Or I play video games with my brother. But everyone keeps saying that I'm wasting my life. I don't feel like I am, I chose this (no one made me) and I'm happy this way. Am I missing out on anything by not using drugs or alcohol, by not swearing or not having premarital sex? Does it make me boring? I feel like it sounds stupid but I'm seriously wondering...

My second question is, is it rude or condescending to pray for people without them asking for it? I just ask because there's a boy I used to know before I graduated high school. And we'll really have to get back in touch because he was super sweet but I was just thinking about him the other day. He is like anti-theistic, I think it's called. He struggled with depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts when I went to school with him. He was, or rather, is gay but hadn't come out to his family because his dad...he's like one of those really homophobic Christians and he was a pastor of a church. I didn't pray for this boy because he is gay, don't worry. I'm part of the LGBT community myself so...I wouldn't do that. But I felt a tugging at my heart and I may have added him into my prayer last night. I asked that he knows he is loved, that he'll know his worth and I think I said that he finds his strength but honestly, I don't remember it too well. I don't know why but sometimes, I just feel like I should pray for random people so that's what I did. I just hope that he's able to find some peace because I have depression too but I feel like I've been able to heal to a certain degree. I don't like to see others suffering through it.
But I felt kind of bad because he's not a Christian but I feel like I'd pray for anyone. I mean, I wouldn't mind if someone prayed for me and they were from another religion. I'd still appreciate it. I don't know the right word...if it's condescending or patronizing...but is it rude to pray for someone if they don't ask? Again, maybe that's a stupid question but it's been playing on my mind
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Re: Two questions about Christianity - January 22nd 2018, 10:36 AM

To be honest, if someone thinks that all there is to life is using substances or having sex and that those are the only things that are fun in life, they may need to be the ones who rethink things. It is okay to drink or have sex, etc, but those aren't the only things that matter in life, and if they think that's all you can do for fun they're wrong. You don't need to drink or do drugs or anything like that to have fun. I drink occasionally and swear, but I have been around people who don't really swear much or at all and have never touched a drop of alcohol in their lives and also plan on waiting until marriage. I'm not bored by them. We just engage in different activities that don't involve drinking like going out to dinner, watching a movie, or just going on adventures to the store even. If you are happy with the way you are, that is all that matters and you shouldn't change who you are just because other people think that you should. If anything maybe find some friends that share your views and won't make fun of you just because of them.

As far as the praying, I'm just going to take it from my perspective. I am an atheist, but I have had friends say that they are going to pray for me or for a loved one who is going through something. I myself have never found anything wrong with it as long as you are doing it from a place of caring and respect, and not to hurt someone. For example, one thing you mentioned was the friend who is gay. You prayed for him because of his wellbeing, and not because he is gay, and I think that is the difference. You obviously were not trying to "pray the gay away" or anything like that so it should be fine. Of course, if you ever are talking to someone about this and they say they do not want to be prayed for you should definitely respect that, but I think for the most part if you do it out of kindness it should be okay. But that's just my take.

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Re: Two questions about Christianity - January 22nd 2018, 09:25 PM


There are people who believe that drinking, doing drugs and having sex are the only ways to have fun. I suppose, for some people, this might even be true. However, I promise there are a ton of people who don't need those things to have fun and who will respect your feelings on those things.

I have a ton of friend's that drink and all that but they are understanding of the fact that I am not one to do those things too often. They don't pressure me or make me feel weird. They have even said that I am fun without drinking so I shouldn't worry about it.

In my opinion, it can actually be a bit more fun to avoid those things. I prefer things like reading, movies and television shows. A good conversation, for me, is talking about my favorite book or tv/movie. That being said, I don't mind hanging out with my friend's while they are drinking and I still have fun. I think I have the fun I do because they don't make me feel weird for not wanting to participate in the drinking.

As for your question about praying; I think that's more of an individual thing. There are some people who might be bothered by it but there are plenty of people who won't be. I think there are plenty of people who realize that the term "I am praying for you" is another way to say "I am thinking about you". Also, if the person finds out and is bothered by it they can let you know and, maybe, give you ideas on how you can provide support aside from that. Personally, I don't think I've ever been upset when people say this to me.

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Re: Two questions about Christianity - January 22nd 2018, 11:40 PM

First question, no you're not boring because you don't drink, swear, or have sex. This is someone else's opinion on what makes life interesting, but that isn't all that life is about.

Second question: I think it depends on the person. I have not told anyone that I'm a Christian, so I tend to pray for people I know need it without telling or asking them. I think if you want to pray for someone, or you know it at least can't hurt anything, I don't think you need permission. But I have a friend who is more devout than I am, who always asks first.

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Re: Two questions about Christianity - January 23rd 2018, 09:57 PM

Hey there!

Like others have mentioned, there are people who believe the only way to have fun is to drink or swear or even have sex. However, if you don't want to do those things, you're under no obligation to do them. That doesn't make you any less "fun" or boring. There are loads of things you can do without doing those things like going to malls, adventure parks, movies, sporting games or events, etc.

In my opinion, if I know someone is struggling or if I think they need prayers, I will pray for them. I don't think it's rude or anything...but if someone asks me not to, I would stop. However, I don't think it's necessary to ask permission per say. I've also got friends or other extended family members who are a different religion then I am and they pray for me or my family and I don't have any issues with that. Just my take and two cents.

Take care and I hope this helped!
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Re: Two questions about Christianity - January 26th 2018, 02:04 AM

Hey, if you're happy with it, then feel free to keep doing what you're doing. Some people will think you're boring... whatever. If you are concerned about people thinking that, then find other ways to take risks. Risks are usually fun, and people think risk-takers are fun people to hang out with.
I will say though, the no swearing thing is completely unnecessary. People will wrongly think that you're this uptight, Ned Flanders type person who just can't have fun. If you're HAPPY with it, ok... but I think you're limiting yourself for no reason. There's no REAL ethical consideration involved with swearing unless you're actually trying to offend people.
As for drugs, sex, and alcohol... I wouldn't recommend those to anybody under 18. I also would not advise against it, because I would be a giant hypocrite. Here's the thing though: if you're getting taught about drugs, alcohol, and sex from religious people, I would be prepared to bet my dog that at least 90% of what they're saying is untrue. It might not be their fault though, they might actually believe that. I went to Catholic school, and for a few examples, I was told that weed would destroy my brain, porn would destroy my brain, condoms are 62% effective at preventing pregnancy, oral sex was the leading cause of throat cancer (and to this day, thats the single dumbest thing I've ever heard. What about CIGARETTES?) and alcohol was somehow not as bad as any of these. Nonsense. None of that stuff is harmful unless its done in extreme excess or incorrectly. And ironically, I've grown more spiritual since I started doing drugs. That's not me saying its a good idea for you, though; your brain isn't done developing yet.
To your other thing, praying for people without asking is not rude. How would they know? Thats like saying you can have "rude thoughts". Definitely not, they're your prayers. But I'd say telling people you are praying for them can actually be rude or patronizing. It might imply that there's something wrong with them. Feel free to pray for anyone, just don't be a showboat. Jesus hated that about the pharisees, they would show off their prayers and religiosity for the entire world to see. I believe religion is better off kept to yourself unless someone asks about it.
As a side note, I believe that the prayers from other religions count the same as a Christian prayer.

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Re: Two questions about Christianity - January 28th 2018, 10:04 PM

Hey there,

I hope you're doing well.

First of all, not drinking or doing drugs doesn't make you a boring person -- it just means that the people accusing you of that find you to be that way. Please note the difference. You can find friends who don't drink or do drugs, or call you boring because you choose to refrain from something. Maybe try finding some friends at a local church. However, when you're no longer a minor, you could reassess drinking. Jesus first miracle ever performed was turning water into wine.

Secondly, being an atheist myself, praying for someone without their consent isn't rude. I would say, however, that it's annoying when people TELL me that they're praying for me. If you want to pray for me, fine, but don't tell me. Think of it this way, when Jesus was being crucified he prayed to god to forgive the people crucifying him. I hardly doubt he asked their permission.

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Re: Two questions about Christianity - February 2nd 2018, 06:03 PM

a lot of people think that if youre really in love with someone you will have sex
so i will explain that there can be love without sex, just like there is sometimes sex without love (the latter is one thing everyone knows)
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