opened my eyes

formerly chevyguy350 · **opened my eyes -** December 17th 2009, 01:17 AM

i read the book. went to church. but ive been so far from him. i raped my 1 yr old nephew. and it hurts so much. he opened my eyes. im actually feeling happieness for the 1st time ever. 1st time to feel serenity. wht i did is unforgivable yet God doesnt give up on me, he holds me tighter. i dont care about myself anymore. i kno my purpose is 2 live 4 others and heal the world. pray 4 me & my nephew plz. im hopin not to b tried as an adult.

hopefaithlove · ***SH Free since 10.20.08***

I'm glad your relationship with God is still so strong considering the wrong that you did. I'll say some prayers for your nephew. And a few for you.

formerly chevyguy350 · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 17th 2009, 03:17 AM

thx. * cries
and my relationship with god is so much stronger now. and u cant imagine the pain from having been the abuser. id rather be the victim. cuz ull eventually be fine in every way. i wont. pain from being a victim is temporary. mine i take to the grave. im prbly gonna b tried as an adult. georgia is a harsh state. im lookin at 5-10. my record never goes away. i cant get an education. nobodys gonna hire me. every1's scared of me. im scard of me. im scared 4 ppl around me cuz im unstable.

Xujhan · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 17th 2009, 05:51 AM

While I can't specifically relate to your situation, I think you're right that it can sometimes be worse to be the abuser. If it's any consolation, at only a year old, your nephew may never remember what happened. What you did was horrible, but that doesn't mean that you have to be a horrible person. I'm not Christian, but I do think that anyone can earn forgiveness. I'm glad that you regret what you've done, and that you're going to try to make up for it.

Remember always that you have value, no matter what you've done. You always have the choice to be better than you have been, and it's never too late to make that choice. I wish you the best.

Rican Roll · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 17th 2009, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by formerly chevyguy350

thx. * cries
and my relationship with god is so much stronger now. and u cant imagine the pain from having been the abuser. id rather be the victim. cuz ull eventually be fine in every way. i wont. pain from being a victim is temporary. mine i take to the grave. im prbly gonna b tried as an adult. georgia is a harsh state. im lookin at 5-10. my record never goes away. i cant get an education. nobodys gonna hire me. every1's scared of me. im scard of me. im scared 4 ppl around me cuz im unstable.

Am I the only person here who is exteremely offended by this statement?

lostandalone · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 19th 2009, 01:14 AM

formerly chevyguy350 quote: "...i raped my 1 yr old nephew...."
formerly chevyguy350 quote: " ...u cant imagine the pain from having been the abuser. id rather be the victim. cuz ull eventually be fine in every way. i wont. pain from being a victim is temporary....."

While I am glad to hear you realize the wrong you did and hope you get help, I find you saying that the victim's pain is temporary is disturbing (almost triggering). A year and half ago 2 guys tryed to rape me, luckly I was able to get away before they did, because they were way drunk. BUT I still have to live with the memory...I still feel their hands on me, their weight on me, smelling their breath, feeling so helpless. I will be carrying that with me for the rest of my life. I dont trust guys or at least have problems. The pain is not temporary. Now hopefully because your nephew is so young he may be ok, but I beleive on some level he will have memory of it.

Pelios · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 19th 2009, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rican Roll

Am I the only person here who is exteremely offended by this statement?

Quote:

and u cant imagine the pain from having been the abuser. id rather be the victim. cuz ull eventually be fine in every way. i wont. pain from being a victim is temporary. mine i take to the grave.

I agree with you Rican Roll, it is to some degree. The pain of a victim will always be there it is not temporary.

LetGodArise · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 26th 2009, 11:11 PM

God Bless you and it's good that you've found The Lord. I just hope you'll read the above posts and can realise that what you said is offensive to some.

TheBabyEater · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 27th 2009, 02:42 AM

I remember your original post about raping your nephew. I was worried that you'd beat yourself up so hard over what happened... I'm glad that you're starting to feel better about it.
I mean, yes it was an awful thing to do but as the other person above me said, it doesn't have to make you an awful person. If you so chose, it can just be nothing more than a mistake. As for how the law system sees it, that's another story. But cooperate and it will be over quicker and you can get back to your life. In time of course. But I'm glad you've found something to help get over this.

But I do agree with the others, being the victim sucks just as much, and it's most certaintly not temporary. But as that same guy above me said, your nephew probably won't even remember it to be honest. Just get some help to get over this, and you'll make it out okay in the end.

It's just a mistake, a really bad mistake, but a mistake. Remember that, and if it helps keep that faith in God. It seems to have helped you a lot.

Arcenciel · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 27th 2009, 11:24 PM

Quote:

i kno my purpose is 2 live 4 others and heal the world

Live for GOD.

TheBabyEater · **Re: opened my eyes -** December 28th 2009, 04:07 AM

Live for yourself dude. Live for whatever and whoever makes you happy. Live for what you believe in.

Do not live for what other people tell you to just for the hell of it unless you truely believe it.

"i kno my purpose is 2 live 4 others and heal the world"
This seems to give you hope and make you happy. So by all means keep doing it! If there were more people in the world with this attitude... Well, it'd be a much better place...