Jewish Girl looking for help

[messed_up]

So I'm a modern orthodox Jew. Parents are Israeli, go to a Jewish school, Hebrew was my first language, spend a lot of time in Israel (i even lived there for a year). I'm 16 and about 2 years ago I started to realize that religion doesn't make sense to me. I now know I'm really and atheist. The problem is I can't tell my family. They would hate me. I tried to tell them once and my parents said I'm crazy, didn't talk to me for a week, and then pretended it never happened. And even if I could tell them, they would never be able to accept me. I will have to move away and never see them again. Or I can do what I'm doing now. Lie about everything. Pretend to pray everyday. Pretend to care. Sacrifice the things I want to do with my life for a religion I don't believe in. But it's getting hard and I hate it. I'm sick of lying. I'm sick of all this fakeness. And it can't go on forever. In order to deal with my depression and miserable days I started doing drugs. And things are only going to get worse when I get older. How will I deal with it then if I can't even deal with it now? It's like my options are either tell my family and never see them again, or don't tell them and continue to live a miserable lying life forever. It just seems like my life isn't even worth trying anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to have to sacrifice my future and my happiness for a religion I don't believe in.

[Sythan]

Hey there,

I know it can be difficult to be forced to do something other than what you feel you must. By the situation you are in, I would say to just go along with it for now, until you are old enough to move out and have a right to your religious beliefs without fearing reprimand from your family. I would encourage you to stop the drug use, as in a situation like this, it can make things worse.

I hope everything turns out alright.

[Smitten]

What country / state do you live in?
Answers to this situation could really vary based on that information...

[messed_up]

I live in New York. The problem is that even when I'm 18 and I can leave home if I leave my family will hate me.

[Smitten]

Hmm... this is a rough situation and the intricacies of the Jewish community are kept a distance from the prying eyes of a goyim like myself.

I will ask some of my Orthodox customers what they suggest in this situation and get back to you. (I could ask a Hasidic too, if you think that would help?)

-Smitten