So Unsure...

[ToGoOmniscient]

Ok... I'm kind of not sure if I'm posting this in the right place but...

My whole family is Christian, we've been going to church regularly since October 2009, but my whole life I've been raised in a non-Christian environment, for lack of a better term. Dealing with a lot of abuse (emotional, verbal, sexual) has made me question whether or not there is a God that loves me. I mean, I have always had a hard time believing that Jesus died on the cross for the world's sins. I have read some of the Bible, and not by choice. (In youth group, when they say "Open your bibles", etc.) Recently, I read a Bible verse recently, James 1:5-8, "If you need wisdom-- if you want to know what God wants you to do-- ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. They can't make up their minds. They waver back and forth in everything they do."
That's me. I'm so unsure about whether there really is a God that loves me and cares about me enough that he sent his Son to die for me. I just don't believe it. I want to, though. Especially because I don't like the lifestyle I've been living now, with wanting to do drugs and dealing with nightmares. I have nothing else to turn to; I can't do this by myself... I WANT to trust God, but some part of me just WON'T give in.
Help?

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by blackwingedangel

That's me. I'm so unsure about whether there really is a God that loves me and cares about me enough that he sent his Son to die for me. I just don't believe it. I want to, though. Especially because I don't like the lifestyle I've been living now, with wanting to do drugs and dealing with nightmares. I have nothing else to turn to; I can't do this by myself... I WANT to trust God, but some part of me just WON'T give in.
Help?

Hey, I just wanted to put out there that you're not alone in this matter. I have been abused in all the ways you described in your post and I'm like if there's a God who loves me, why'd he make me go through all of that? It's hard to trust God and go with something new. What I've been doing is hanging around people who don't pressure me into trusting in God, just telling me all about THEIR experience. And it's helped a lot. I'm still iffy, though. It's hard. Being grown up and trying to figure out what you believe and what you don't believe is probably one of the toughest things to do by yourself. If you ever wanna talk, PM me.