my fiancee and i...

[keybladeninja11]

our beliefs are completely different. i definitely believe in God and he doesnt...

while i COMPLETELY believe that EVERYONE has their free will to believe in whatever they want and do what they want and i love him so i would never force my own beliefs on him ever...but i really really want him to learn more about God and start having faith too.



i have absolutely nothing against atheists and theres sometimes a christian stereotyping that atheists are bad people but i know this isnt true because my fiancee is one of the kindest people on earth (in fact, he would be a role model christian, if he was one. ironic, huh? lol)

im definitely not a role model christian...heck, i dont even go to church every sunday! but i know God is there because i feel him in my heart and he has given me my future-husband and many other good things. like i said, i would never force my beliefs on him, but is there some way that i can maybe persuade him to at least try to have faith? because im afraid that in the future, we might get into an argument about our different beliefs or what to teach our children and it may put a huge gap in our relationship...i wouldnt be able to stand that

[Kate*]

Relationships are negotiated, if you love this person enough to evenually marry him, this is something you will likely have to accept about him because the chances of changing his mind or beliefs are slim. Maybe next time you go to church offer him the chance to go along and if he says no, let it be.

People of different faiths get married all the time, so it can be done. As far as your future children would be concerned, expose them to the aspects of both religions (traditions, holidays, views, etc) and explain to them that while you disagree, you love each other in spite of that and then let your children decide their belief systems on their own and let them know that your opinion of, and love for them will not change no matter what they decide.

[keybladeninja11]

Yeah...i've slowly started figuring that out, we have both very calmly and acceptingly discussed our belief systems with one another...gets quiet for a little bit afterwards until we change the subject, but its ok for now...i just hope it doesnt turn into a roadblock later in life. Thanks for your advice, ms/mrs katie!

[Megan1]

If you are a born again Christian who believes the bible (it's hard to tell from your post because you only said that you believe in God), here is what the bible has to say on the subject of marriag between two people when one is a Christian and the other isn't. These are straight from the bible, but just put into my own words...I'm not making any of it up though and I can find the exact wording for you if you would like:

-Don't marry someone who isn't a Christian.

-We should love people even if they aren't Christians, just not romantically.

-But, if you do marry someone who isn't a Christian, you need to stay with them anyways and treat them with love.

-Children should be raised knowing about God and having scripture constantly in their lives.

If you aren't a bible believing Christian then that probably doesn't mean much to you, but if you are, that is what the bible says on the subject. And as for ideas about how to bring him to God, I would suggest inviting him to a biblical church or bible study, praying for him, buying him a mens devotional (which is a book that gives you little parts of the bible every day instead of having to read the whole thing when you don't know where to look) or a whole bible and challenging him to read it, have calm loving conversations with him about God, and be a good example for him.

[MichWolverineFreak]

Just wait... you might be put there by God to change his mind.

[jenpiglet17]

I agree with Katie. Love has absolutely no restrictions. Love means you love all of him, not just the parts you want to. All of him, including his religious views. But that goes for him as well, with your beliefs. Invite him to whatever you think he would feel comfortable going to. Respect the word no as well. Maybe in time he'll feel more comfortable. It is hard to convert someone who has a firm belief in what they believe. I don't try and convert people, but they know if they have questions, I'm always there to listen & answer the best I can. I'd rather people know I respect their religion and have a good discussion on beliefs and ethics, instead of them having to hide away what they believe because I'm trying to push something off on them.

[Jennifer]

My husband and I were different beliefs for most of our marraige. I was origionaly new age and he was a Scientologist. For awhile we were both Muslim, which was nice but that didn't work out now I'm Hindu and he's Buddhist. There's a huge difference with beliefs. I do have to say one thing though, love doesn't really see religous differnces. Give or take I've always had some belief in God and always will I've dated my share are athiests, satanists and whatever it may be in between. It did clash a lot but I don't think it was the religious views I think it was them.

[Of Mike and Men]

The Bible says people will know we are G-D's children by our love for one another. I think it's obvious why people don't believe.

[Xujhan]

Something you may want to ask yourself: how would you feel about your fiance trying to persude you to try atheism? Keep that answer in mind when you discuss the subject with him. Relationship are, to a very large degree, about respect and compromise; it's unfair to want him to be any more willing to reconsider his beliefs than you are willing to reconsider yours.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

There is no reason why having different beliefs should cause a major issue in your relationship. The issues start when one or both of you are unwilling to respect the other person's beliefs or compromise regarding religion. You shouldn't be trying to change your fiance's beliefs (which is what "persuading him" means). You should be sorting out compromises for your differences in belief so that you are both happy (not just you).

Honestly, you should not be getting married if you haven't had the conversations about religion, kids, money etc. beforehand. So many people end up divorced because they failed to ask the important questions before they got married. You need to talk to your fiance now about your concerns and your expectations for the future. Talk about how you expect your kids to be raised in terms of religion. Talk about how you expect holidays, like Christmas or Easter, to be handled. That way, there hopefully won't be too many surprises when you get married.

[Revolution]

Respect his views, don't try to convert him, but you know what, you have the right to both tell your children what you believe. There's no reason you can't both influence them. I'm not sure how this can be a major thing to get in the way, as long as you're not trying to convert him and he's not telling you your religion is bull or something, as long as you're civil, I think it will be fine.

[~Mr. Self Destruct~]

Originally Posted by MichWolverineFreak

Just wait... you might be put there by God to change his mind.

How would you feel if it was he other way around? I find it boderline disgusting that people find it acceptable to attempt to brainwash atheists into believing religous doctrine, but once the situation is reversed, it turns into absolute tumult. Just something I to think about.
Honestly, your opposing beliefs shouldn't be any particular problem. If you are overly concerned and think that you mightn't want to be with him, just remember that attempted conversion isn't really the answer. Looking at it realistically, there are many opinions and methods of handling this issue out there. You'll simply just have to choose one you feel is right for you, because there is simply no objective resolution available for a subjective problem.
Personally, as an atheist, I'm fully welcoming of being in a relationship with another person beleving in any religous concept. But if they intended to convert me, it is highly likely I would proceed to end the relationship.

[MacGuffin]

Relationships with people of different faiths may work or they may not. It really depends on the people involved and how they define their own faith, what that faith means to them, and how pervasive it is in what they do and believe, including how their beliefs effect other areas of daily living.

This is something that needs to be discussed, in depth, before you decide to marry him. If you just touch on it and go, "well, I guess we brought it up, so it's all good now," things probably are not going to end well.

One of the main differences that arise between Christians and Atheists is that in the mainstream branches of Christianity, it is required that one spread the word of God. While the intentions behind this are good, many Atheists are often upset by it because they feel it infringes on their right to believe what they believe. Therefore, for a mainstream christian, navigating a relationship with an Atheist might be difficult.

Before I go on, though, I really want to encourage you not to beat yourself up for "not being a role model christian." Does it really matter if you fail to go to church every Sunday, or don't read the Bible daily? Not really. What matters is your personal relationship with God, and not what anybody else says. Don't try to live up to a standard that doesn't feel natural for you.

Anyway, you could talk to him about your faith a little bit, and you need to before you go forward with this, but proceed with caution. When it comes to religion peoples of all faiths can become easily defensive if they feel theirs is being attacked in any way. Instead of asking him if he could push for more faith, just tell him about yours, why you have it and what it means to you. Be sure to stress that what he believes is just as valid, and he has every right to believe it and openly support it. If it is meant to somehow effect him, it will. You don't push it, though, and certainly don't preach. You must ask yourself, too, if you can be okay even if he does not gain faith in God. For frankly, though love is a powerful force, so is personal values, and the two must find balance. I would also suggest that, if he likes, you be open to listening to why he chooses not to believe in God, and listen with open and non-judgmental ears. This is what it's about: conversation and compromise. And somehow, hopefully, you can find peace in the middle.

Much luck and happiness to you both.